.. xPressions here & there ..

Poem by Thomas Merton

2011-11-22T05:15:00.000-08:00

Echoes so much of my heart and journey in this season :

My Lord God
I have no idea where I am going
I do not see the road ahead of me
I cannot know for certain
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact I think
that I am following Your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so

But I believe that the desire to please You
does in fact please You.
And I hope that I have that desire
in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this
You will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust You always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death
I will not fear, for You are with me
and will never leave me
to face my perils alone.

2011-08-04T11:58:00.000-07:00

M burning midnight oil to work on a scrapbook for our pastor ... pastor's appreciation day is 1 week away .... so this is my project ... and as I think of her .. this MYF top 10 came to mind ... and with it .... sweet memories ..... I remember singing our hearts out every camp and getting emo during camp ... especially on the last day ... during USM days ... I also had a Valentine memory of it .... ahem! ... :) Tried You Tube looking for the song .. cant find it ... guess its too old .. but thank God I can still find the lyrics .... so I better paste it here ... just in case .... thank God for all the people He placed in my path to journey with me ....

Every time I think of you, my heart is filled with joy

I thank God for all that you’ve meant to me

You have helped me serve the Lord in many, many ways

We are partners for eternity.

God is using you to give His Gospel to this land

Your whole life is serving Him in someway

And I’m sure He’ll carry on His work will not be done

Until Jesus comes again some day

Chorus

I’m thankful for your fellowship

Thankful for your partnership

Thankful for the love we share in Jesus Christ

I’m thankful for the joy we’ve known

Thankful for the way you’ve grown

I thank God each time I think of you

You are always in my heart it’s right for you to know

I love you because of Jesus’ love

I am praying everyday your love will grow and grow

Guided by His wisdom from above

As you choose to do His will He’ll cleanse you from all sin

You will face His judgment without shame

Then when Jesus comes again your life will be fulfilled

Giving praise and glory to God’s name

Chorus

(Phil. 1 : 3-5)

Susu Dilanggar Storm

2011-07-28T05:06:00.000-07:00

It was a busy Sunday when I was asked to help CL babysit YY ... so off I went to send YY for her piano class when I noticed that the car in from of me stopped. I stopped right behind of the car and wonder if it wanted to turn to the house on the right but to my horror the car reversed right into Susu!!! I was just to stunned to do anything ... man! what a mess .. I got down and saw the mess of the front of Susu ... it was surprising that my heart did not break when I saw it ... it was quite messy .... after all the car that ramp into us was a Storm ... what to expect ... HH asked if my car was ramp over by a lorry when he saw my car later that night ....

My feelings was ... o man!! sian ... sian ... the mess of going through the process ... police station ... looking for good reliable workshop ... the claims ... adjusters ... etc

But God was very gracious to give me a very supportive team ... PK and TT came immediately when I called them. Since TT is not familiar with MYVi quotes .. he called XC and SM to come .. yes .. their estimate is quite accurate ... almost similar to what the mechanic friend of the Storm owner.

By God's grace the lady who ramp into my car agreed to make the police report with the true story ... after all, she can turn the story around to say that it was my car that ramp into hers as the front of my car was dented and there was totally not a scratch on her Storm.

By God's grace also I've got the idea that the police report is just for hold while the lady makes arrangement to pay me cash ... then her insurance will not be effected ....

Now I am waiting for her to pay me ... should be in these few days .....

I thank God that when I choose to give thanks and praise Him ... things start to look better -- yes .... Romans 8:28 .... we made friends .. the lady and I .. JY prayed for her 2x .. WOW ... praying for our "cousin" in public .... she accepted the prayers ...

To God be the glory ... may we see her one day in His Kingdom .... the seed is indeed sown ... now to wait for it to bear fruit ... which is the work of the HS

Awaken Me by Misty Edwards

2011-07-16T01:51:00.000-07:00

Another song that has come so powerfully to me today .. working in this vineyard can be tiring and weary to the soul ... especially when the business of activities just crawl in ... making me neglect what is CORE source to keep me going in this vineyard .... and when weary .... dullness, boredom and wondering spirit takes over the soul ....

This many times .... this speaks truth to many of our heart and o how we need god in His abundant love to put His hand upon my heart .... let me know that I are alive ... let me feel my heart beat beating in rhythm with His .... awaken me ... awaken my spirit ... awaken my soul once again ....

___________________

Forgive me for neglecting Your heart,
Forgive me for neglecting mine.
Forgive me for my busy life,
Forgive me for wasting time,

For I'm dark from working in the vineyard,
but my heart I have forgotten

Put Your hand upon my heart
Put Your hand upon my heart
Put Your hand upon my heart
I want to feel

Let me know that I'm alive
Let me know that I'm alive
Let me know that I'm alive
I want to feel (You)

Take away the dullness
Take away a proneness to boredom
Take away my wandering spirit
And take this wild soul

Fascinate me
Captivate me
Come and hold me like you do

Fascinate me
Captivate me
Capture this imagination
Capture my affections, too

Fascinate
Captivate
God, Come and capture my imagination

Fascinate
Captivate
God, Capture my affections, too

I want You to awaken me
Came awaken me
Awaken me
Awaken me
Awaken me

Empower Me

2011-07-14T07:09:00.000-07:00

This song came to mind suddenly .... and i tried to look for the song in you tube ... cant find a good version of it .... ai ... LOVE this song like mad and used to sing this song crazy in MYF days .... song really empowered me ...

NOBODY KNOWS HOW WEAK I AM, BETTER THAN YOU;

NOBODY SEES ALL OF MY NEEDS, BETTER THAN YOU.

AND NOBODY HAS THE POWER TO CHANGE ME,

FROM WHAT I WAS BORN TO BE.

JESUS BE STRONG IN MY WEAKNESS, EMPOWER ME!

Chorus 1

EMPOWER ME, LIKE A RUSHING RIVER FLOWING TO THE SEA.

LORD, SEND YOUR HOLY SPIRIT FLOWING NOW THROUGH ME.

TILL I’M LIVING AS YOUR CHILD,

VICTORIOUS AND FREE, SEND THE POWER OF YOUR LOVE,

EMPOWER ME.

NOBODY’S EYES SEE THROUGH MY SOUL,

BETTER THAN YOURS;

NOBODY’S LOVE CAN MAKE ME WHOLE,

NO ONE BUT YOURS.

AND NOBODY HAS THE POWER TO LIFT ME,

TO REACH FOR ETERNITY.

JESUS BREAK THROUGH ALL MY DEFENCES, EMPOWER ME.

Chorus 2

EMPOWER ME, LIKE A RUSHING RIVER FLOWING TO THE SEA.

LORD, SEND YOUR HOLY SPIRIT FLOWING NOW THROUGH ME.

TILL I’M LIVING AS YOUR CHILD,

VICTORIOUS AND FREE, SEND THE POWER OF YOUR LOVE,

EMPOWER ME. EMPOWER ME…

Chorus 3

EMPOWER ME, LIKE A RUSHING RIVER FLOWING TO THE SEA.

LORD, SEND YOUR HOLY SPIRIT FLOWING NOW THROUGH ME.

TILL I’M LIVING AS YOUR CHILD,

SEND THE POWER OF YOUR LOVE, EMPOWER, EMPOWER ME.

Coda:

SEND YOUR LOVE,

AND LORD

EMPOWER ME.

VICTORIOUS AND FREE, SEND THE POWER OF YOUR LOVE,

EMPOWER ME.

Strongholds of Self Defense

2011-07-13T19:08:00.000-07:00

In order for us to defend ourselves physically, we learn karate, tae-kwan-do .. silat .... but when we want to defend ourselves emotionally, what do we do?

In order to shield ourselves from emotional pain, hurt, disappointments ... the psychologists list common self defense mechanism as follows :

a) Denial (conscious or subconscious refusal to face the truth)

b) Fantasy (escaping the real world)

c) Emotional insulation (withdrawing to avoid rejection)

d) Displacement (taking out frustrations on others)

e) Projection (blaming others)

f) Rationalization (making excuses for the poor behavior)

Lets not look at others ( we can always always see the weaknesses of others loud and clear but blind to our own). Let's pause to honestly look deep within ourselves .... and reflect ... think - at some points I am sure that all of us at one time or another erect this self defense or crawl into this self defense to protect ourselves from what we deem danger zone ... many times in order to defend ourselves we learn to lie in order to keep our selves "safe". Many times we close ourselves so tight in fear of getting hurt again that we become fake to others ... and ourselves .... when we like as imposters or fakes, we then cannot relate and cant go deep to face our own inner self ... and some times .... our brains will be blank ... blank ... nothing inside (I have just heard one youth saying this last Sun .. my aches when I see how people numb emotionally and mentally to the reality of life)...

Is this the only mode we can go on in order to "protect" and "shield" ourselves from hurt and pain?

Neil T Anderson suggest that these methods of self defense are strongholds that we need to tear down. Strongholds as fleshly patterns of thinking programmed into our minds when we learned to live our lives independently of God. These thinking were programmed in us from our worldview that was shaped by our environment that we live.

So, how then to refresh the program that was already installed in us? I guess we cannot entirely press the "delete" button to erase what is already programmed in us but .. the thing that we can do is to "refresh" it by new things ... --- in Paul's terminology - renewing our minds .... and we can only do it with the help from the Holy Spirit through His Word.

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against
the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
(2 Cor 10:3-5)

I would like to offer another method - the challenge of taking God's Word as it is ... so .. if God is the sun and shield (Psalms 84:11) and if God is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold (Psalms 18:2), can I trust Him to shield me while I hide under the shadows of His wings till the danger moment is over?

I think that many times, we are actually not that afraid of the pain or hurt that we may get from a situation, I think that the greatest challenge for our is to to accept our ourselves especially when our weaknesses is revealed in these times .... so, in actual fact, we are shielding ourselves from ourselves ... Lord have mercy on us .. Yes .. we need You to set us free from this stronghold and renew us as the new creation that You have created us to be when we accept You into our lives. Amen!

Memories from Coffee Prince

2011-07-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

... and "suddenly" I "appeared" again in Blog-land after "vanishing" into thin air for couple of weeks ... hehehe .... pi mana ... ala ... I went to live in Emo-land of Boleh-land for a while ... after all, who am I but just a human who is like a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind... ( Who am I by Casting Crowns) ...

What did I do in Emo-land ... ala ... emo ... what else ... indulge in Can love cannot Marry la ... wat else ... and thanks to Nee who downloaded into my hardisk 4 korean series .... Coffee Prince is one of them .....

I somehow can remember clearly this drama so I thought I would like to pen it down since it brings sweet memories to my mind .... and this is a lesson for all of mommies out there ... never trust me to baby sit for u ... :0

It was 2.5yrs ago when I watched this drama ... when SM & KC left Lyn & Dan with me while they happily went for their honeymoon in Kambing Planet ... we were back home in Sitiawan ... the kids and I ... and Win ... all of us cramped into the small humid back room and glued our eyes to the computer as we watched it ... sometimes my notebook does not read the disk ... so we had Win's lappie as standby ...

All the gals happily watched till wee hours in the morning .... 3-4am (I think ... ) and the boy ... happily get to play his games while he waited for us to go to zzzz ... hehhehe

Those were the days .... of fun ... precious family moments ... and I hope to have some good times together again ... these precious moments seems hard to come by now as all of us are all over in Malaysia ... and biz with our own lives and schedules ....

Hopefully we will get to spent some happy precious moments ... missing the next generation of my family .... my anak2 ....

The Best of Bersih 2 -- Echoing Art Harun

2011-07-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

My personal take of Bersih :
a) The most touching moment was when Rakyat stood together locked hand in hand .... to sing Negaraku ....

b) It was a day when 1 Malaysia became a reality -- but can Najib take this reality .... 1 Malaysia indeed came out in unity regardless of race and social background to sincerely express the desires of Rakyat - clean elections and NO to corruption!!

Art Harun did a wonderful job by compiling touching articles and videos in his blog (http://art-harun.blogspot.com/2011/07/best-of-bersih.html) .. and doing such a wonderful wrap of the event ... but being kiasu like me ... I would like to cut and paste inspiring personal encounters in my blog so that it does not disappear one day (hehehe ... dont ask me what mentality is this ....)

i) Annette's Experience : Bersih = 1 Malaysia; Heartaches & Joy ~ A Bittersweet Day Indeed
(http://www.facebook.com/notes/annette-arulrajah/bersih-1-malaysia-heartaches-joy-a-bittersweet-day-indeed/10150234847450544)

After a great internal debate TO GO or NOT TO GO, I decided to go for Bersih. I decided, no one will know what is in my heart unless my presence speaks it. I support the 8 calls of reform that Bersih has put forward. At this point in my life, the decay has gone on long enough for me to speak out. And I still can take a bit of beating if need be, so I went.

I thank God for many who did not go but prayed for us. Cos, honestly I was SCARED! I counted the cost carefully. If I was arrested, a) I would not get to see my mom and I have been seeing her as regularly as I can, since she is so old oredi.

b) My loved ones may not understand why I needed to do this. c) My uncertainty of what will happen if imprisoned had lots of negative possibilities running in my mind.

Peter (another) FES colleague and I went in by 8.30am first to KL Sentral and when we saw people being interogated there, we took the train to Pasar Seni. We were watched. I had on a blue t-shirt with a BIG YELLOW SMILEY on it! :)

Already a tourist came up to me and said, she wanted to go into town. How to get there. I said it was not a good day to go into town! She said, she knew that but wanted to go. So I told her if she waited long enough, there would be people gathering at the KL Sentral station where we were then, and she could follow them. I said, I was going there later. She said, she knew I was the right person to ask. She scared me. If a tourist could spot me, surely the police could. So Pasar Seni was a good getaway! :)

Colin Pal was really indeed a real pal, and took us into his team of walkers. This was because the rest of the FES colleagues were only coming after Li Moi (another colleague's) wedding. But miraculously they managed to find us, even after the march had started!!

Let no one fool you. There were at least 50,000 PROTESTORS altogether. We were there! And it was touching to see how orderly we were. People marched from all corners, but when we converged, it was as if we had rehearsed it all. I felt tears prick my eyes, when the first group of marchers came towards us I think from Masjid Jamek. Then we merged and walked down Petaling Street towards Jalan Hang Jebat.

Halfway through that march, I found TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE. I was thinking, how sad it is, that we Malaysian, this big family had to come out in this way. If our country had not been so 'raped' and corrupted we would not need to make this statement.

Our marches STOPPED at least 10 feet away from the police blocks. After chanting BERSIH, BERSIH (and off course some who went on to add their own groups chants) and HIDUP RAKYAT, we would turn back and try to make another way. We ended up at Menara Maybank, and waited for another 2 join us. Prior to this, already another 2 groups had joined us! Therefore the newspapers saying there were only 6,000 people is utter rubbish, or maybe got teargas in their eyes also.

Harming no one, but just chanting, we were HIT! TEAR GAS, at least 3 or 4 at a time. Wow! It STILL HAUNTS ME. We ran for cover, still trying to keep together with our FES colleagues. Ran into Puduraya former bus platforms. Jumped down slopes to get there. Couldn't breathe. Not a single air could go in. I quickly pulled out my asthma inhaler and pumped a few times. Then slowly I could breathe. The eyes, no hopelah. SO BURNING LAH. But we helped each other and regrouped outside Pudu Raya.

Then we sang NEGARA KU, and tried to march but the blockades were too strong. Second TEAR GAS. But the wind blew it back to the FRU. Not many of us kena this one. Then we sat on the floor to show, we were coming in peace. That was when they threw the third TEAR GAS. This was worse!!!!! We hid our faces by facing the walls of some shops. But later had to run anyway, as our group were exposed to the police. They closed in and followed us, with the water tank. That was ACIDIC WATER, so painful to the skin and eyes too. Then came the CHASING WITH THE BATONS.

SCARY WOH! But PEOPLE'S SPIRIT kept us going. The much talked about AUNTY ANNE truly inspired me. She freely walked in her yellow t-shirt from as early as 11am, when everyone else was hiding their yellow stuff. She waved at us. The whole cafe, LAI FONG clapped for her, GIVING OURSELVES AWAY that we were Bersih supporters. I was also inspired to see JO KUKATHAS (the one who acted in Yasmin Ahmad's short shows); many church members; many races all in one accord.

People SHARED towels, salt, water. People gave away their extra t-shirst to those who were sprayed with acid water. People encouraged each other. People were in ONE SPIRIT. Truly there was this feeling that we had already build a BRIDGE ~ JAMBATAN ANAK MALAYSIA, and were walking on it towards each other. Malays, Chinese, Indians, Foreigners. We CARRIED each other by looking out for each other.

The 2 times, young men asked me, "Aunty are you okay?; Aunty you go first" when we were being chased by police, I WAS SO SO TOUCHED. The second young man was using himself as a shield for me.

People asked, so what did you achieve? You did not get to give your memorandum to the Agong, what? You did not make it to the stadium what.

REMEMBER THE ORIGINAL PURPOSE? We did not want to go into the stadium. We wanted to walk for CLEAN elections and for true DEMOCRACY. Did we achieve anything? Yes, at least 3 things :

a) We made a STATEMENT, that we do not condone corruption.

b) We BUILT BRIDGES across races.

c) We DREAMT and are STILL DREAMING of a better tomorrow for Malaysia.

WOULD I DO IT AGAIN? Most likely. But .... I am still TERRIFIED OF TEAR GAS! I really thought I was going to die then. But then, because of all those who prayed, we made it!

But, I know and you know, that ONLY BECOS .... ONLY BECOS of OUR GOD (of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob) and of Moses too, HIS HAND WAS UPON US and saved us from evil. Evil was prowling around. It could have come from among us at Bersih. It could have come from those in authority. It could have come from opposing groups. He hears our cries and will act when it is HIS TIME!

But PRAISE BE TO GOD for HIS HAND UPON ALL!

b) Charis Ding : I went to the rally as a spectator. I returned a believer. And I had ice cream with the FRU.(http://malaysia-today.net/mtcolumns/letterssurat/41924-someone-did-win-on-july-9th)

I went as an individual rather than as a supporter. Whenever asked throughout the day, I told people "I just wanted to see what’s going on". And that was the truth.

In the weeks leading to it, I was undecided whether to support the rally. Right up to yesterday I couldn’t decide. But I knew I didn’t want to stay home or watch from a distance. I didn’t want to just follow the news online. I had to see it with my own eyes. So I decided to do a walkabout, and I thought perhaps it would take being there to help me make my stand. And so as I was there I considered myself an observer – a reporter.

The police presence at the Pasar Seni area was overwhelming. In front of Central Market, four or five blue trucks in a row. Tension on the streets. It was eerily quiet. On Petaling Street, I walked past a small sized aunty in a yellow shirt (: I overheard her words to a few young boys around her – "We must stay united" she said - "that’s why we must wear yellow, to show we are united". I smiled as I passed.

I saw that the flower shop was open and bought a bunch of daisies.

There was tension in the air, the sense of waiting for something to erupt. At Masjid Jamek, there were more policemen than civilians. I took note of their batons, their weapons. The air was oppressive. I caught myself seeing the men in uniform as the antagonists – weren’t they on the other side? But then I realized they were supposed to be our friends. It is their job to protect people like me.

I sat with the other people from various media. On the side of the road leading to the stadium, huge intimidating FRU trucks were lined up. POLICE barricades. After a while hanging around, I decided to wander across those borders. Some of the police, leaning against their truck, looked straight at me. I smiled, they smiled back. Phew. I walked by a bunch of intimidating looking FRU people staring at me. Right across the road from Dataran Merdeka, I stole a picture of one of them leaning on the back of his truck. He called me over. We chatted.

It's tough, he said. They’ve been here and there all week, hardly with any sleep. Staying watch to make sure everything’s alright. Sometimes they sleep in the trucks. They were there until the wee hours of the morning yesterday, and came back early in the morning. If he could, he’d rather just have a quiet Saturday, stay at home, watch TV.

I nodded because I understood.

I spoke from my heart – it shouldn’t be this way. We should all be friends … we are friends.

Apa nak buat? There is always a chance of those who will cause trouble, he said. Don’t hang around here, he advised. It's not that safe today.

A motorcycle tried to pass, carrying packages in plastic bags. Not wanting to distract him or get him into trouble, I took my leave. Told him to jaga baik-baik. He said "nice to meet you".

I started back across to the other side. Halfway, I came across a bunch from the FRU surrounding an ice cream man, buying ice cream in buns. "Ais krim!" I kinda exclaimed. I was beside myself. "Ambik lah", they said. "Which one do you want? Cornetto?" Just realizing that I had pretty much imposed upon them to belanja me ice cream, I said – "Takpe takpe, saya beli sendiri".

"Takpe, bayar sama sama" – one of them said. They insisted I pick one.

"Where you from?" – they asked in English. "Here", I said – "saya orang sini saje". They laughed, "oh, ingatkan orang jepun!"

As we stood around with our ice creams, they asked me who I was. Did I come for the rally? "saya cume seorang gadis biasa" I said. They found that very amusing. "jangan-jangan ada t-shirt kuning dalam beg tu".

I laughed – "tak de lah…".

Then what was I doing there? "Saje mau tengok", I said. "cume ingin tahu".

"Baguslah tu", he said. "But you shouldn’t hang around today, it might not be safe". I asked them, "Apa khabar?". "Ok", they said. A bit tired, they hardly had any sleep. Ada rase tension? "Tension tu, sikit-sikit mesti ada lah".

We finished our ice creams, and I said goodbye. "Jaga diri", I said. "Jumpa lagi".

I just had ice cream with the FRU.

Right after I crossed the barrier there was a commotion and the media was running towards where I had just came from. They were apparently mobilizing.

About twenty minutes later, I was in the middle in front of the Maybank Tower with the throngs of people on my right and the FRU line on the left. The crowd had just gathered, they weren’t even moving forward yet. The FRU shot water cannons. It was unprovoked. Then the gas came. When it hit, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t breathe. And it hurt. I grabbed some water from my bag and washed my face with it. I covered my face with my baju. In the chaos, one, two people offered me salt. "Makan", they told me. It really helped. I crumbled and sat on the corridors for a minute, eyes and nose watering.

I got up and kept walking, now amongst the people. Some looked me in the face, Chinese ladies speaking in Mandarin, Malay men in Malay, they seemed shocked and concerned. I must’ve looked a mess. "Are you ok?", they asked me. I tried to smile and nodded.

Soon, people started running. From a distance I saw the men in dark blue chasing the marchers. So many of them. People were running down the hill slope at the Maybank Tower compound. Nowhere to run, they jumped down the hill from some height, scampering across the streets.

I ended up in Pudu, watching the marchers and listening to their shouts of "Hidup Rakyat!". When we had to run later, at one point it was tricky to escape and we had to climb a railing at Pudu station. In the huru-hara, the man beside me, instead of just climbing up himself, was yelling to his friend – "Tolong amoi ini dulu!" He seemed more anxious for me than he was for himself, or even I was for myself.

Then it started to rain, and I thought – God Himself has intervened.

Once more, I had brothers who were concerned enough to ask me if I was ok. I followed the crowd and met some young men who had come all the way from Pahang for this. We ended up in front of the Chinese Assembly Hall, where a huge crowd had gathered. The police formed a human barricade, arms crossed, and barbed wire at the entrance of the road just a short distance from the Stadium. A. Samad Said came and talked with the policemen. Such a frail man, but so strong.

We sang Negaraku … and we sang it from the heart.

We dispersed soon after. I heard someone asking others to kutip sampah before we left. Retreating, suddenly part of the crowd broke into a run. There was a big group of police chasing from behind. Just as soon as we wanted to run instinctively, others said jangan lari … bertenang. Relaks saja. And we all calmed down again. It was like that the whole day – anytime there seemed to be a chance for rowdiness or chaos or violence, the people themselves would calm each other down, keep things in check.

Meeting up with my friends who were in the KLCC group, we exchanged stories. My friend Jagadev was at the frontline. He had been hit by teargas seven times that day, and he has a battle wound from where a canister hit his leg. But the bulk of what we spoke of wasn’t of hatred or anger – but a sense of passion, of new hope, and of solidarity as a people.

"It seems we’ve got pretty decent people", I mused as a passing comment. I didn’t know how true it would turn out to be but it was immediately confirmed.

So many stories. My friend, caught in the rain, had a Malay man hand her some papers for her to cover up from the rain.

Hit by the full brunt of the tear gas, Jagad, along with a few others, stopped to help a man who had fallen down. He was heavy, too.

When someone tried to shout, incite others and burn a Patriot t-shirt, the rest immediately stopped him, silenced him and removed him from the group.

We are a decent, civilized people. What we experienced that day - Malaysia.

Later on at dinner with a different group of friends, the conversation was about our nation. This was rare. In the fifteen years I’ve known them, I don’t think we’ve ever talked together about politics, or our nation, or playing a part in it. At least, not like this. But that night, they said to me – because of you guys, we've decided we are going to register to vote.

They too caught the passion. The unggun. They too were upset over how the government had reacted to the rally, and the statement made by the Bersih marchers is loud and clear. I think it was a statement of hope that they caught. Tens of thousands of Malaysians who went out for a better nation. It’s a call that we can no longer disown or detach ourselves from, because we are in no way a lost cause.

In the midst of this conversation with my friends, something amazing happened. Following Bersih stories on Twitter, we talked about how good Malaysians can be … we remembered certain events and openly admitted those from other races who have been kind to us. And we confronted our stereotypes of always painting them a certain way.

A distinct thought came home to me then: Malaysia, I do love you.

That night we said cheers, to a better Malaysia.

By the end of the day, I discovered I referred to the marchers and myself as ‘we’, no longer ‘them’ and ‘I’. It is because we were there together, as Malaysia. We helped each other and cared for each other as Malaysia. There was no political agenda with the people there – I was there, I experienced it and I know it. It was Malaysia, embracing in our hearts and our actions the hope for better government.

What I experienced on the 9th of July is Malaysia. We are decent people, we are a people of quality. Those in power who are selfish or bigots or who try to divide the people – that is not Malaysia, and they are not deserving of Malaysia. Those who try to taint and politicize the beautiful events of that day, are not deserving of Malaysia. We are a people who deserve much more than that.

We came out and proved that yesterday. It has proved to me, to the marchers who were there, to my friends, what Malaysia is.

And so, on 9th July, Malaysia won.

c) Abdul Haleem : Bersih 2.0 - Was it worth it? (http://www.facebook.com/notes/abdul-haleem/bersih-20-was-it-worth-it/252906668059703)

Was it worth it?

It has been twelve days since I have seen my wife, my son (who has just turned three) and my one month old daughter, sweet little Lana girl. If I don’t go down to see them this weekend, I will not see them for at least another week. Three days ago my wife and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary, whilst we were apart. I had a choice to go back to Penang and be with them for the weekend, but instead, I chose to go down to Kuala Lumpur to support Bersih 2.0.

I arrived in KLIA at about 10:30 in the morning. The airport looks eerily deserted. As I traveled light, I literally ran to get an ERL ticket and jumped onto the train. As my excitement grew, I looked around to see KL appear as a ghost town. Even on Hari Raya holidays, you’ll see more cars in Sg Besi Highway compared to this particular Saturday.

Walking out from KL Sentral, I was shocked to see a huge presence of FRU units and police. I assumed this is to ‘manage possible demonstrates who might alight in KL Sentral and walk towards Masjid Negara.’ I proceed to my hotel which is just across from KL Sentral. Coming out from the elevator I was greeted by two cops who are stationed there. I told them I am here to check in and they let me pass. I did notice more polis in the lobby but I was still naïvely thinking that they were only there for general safety. I checked in, went to my room and changed into something more comfortable, (not the official t-shirt though) and walked back to KL Sentral. I was surprised when I was still managed to get a ticket to Masjid Jamek.

As soon as I alight in Masjid Jamek LRT station – I could feel the atmosphere. The party is definitely ON. I remember thinking to myself that being alone may not help at all. Thus, I seek a group to join. Within 5 minutes, I noticed a crowd of about 30 people gathering at the junction of Amanah Rakyat Building. As I join them the leader starts to give a speech. A journalist told me it is Dr.Hatta Ramli from PAS who is giving the speech and he will lead this group to Stadium Merdeka.

We manage to walk to Menara Maybank without any trouble. By now the group size grew to hundreds, as we are now joined by other political figures such as Tony Pua from DAP.

Suddenly, without any warning, teargas and chemical laced water were shot and sprayed towards us. The effects were immediate and were more than I could bear. As this is my first face off with such hostility, like many hundreds around me, we ran to seek shelter. We climbed the stalled escalator towards the main entrance of Menara Maybank and worn out and almost defeated, we crumbled to the floor for a decent breath. The teargas effects were agonizing and thanks to the expertise of FRU chemical unit, the chemicals were burning my skin. There were number of Makciks hand in hand with their teenage daughters. Although people were outraged, we remained civil and this was when I learned my first two lessons of the day.

Despite the anger, frustration and pain, all of us were civil. Very civil. I instinctively knew that it wasn’t a good time to break and thrash everything that was in front of us. Although vandalism is part of mass rallies everywhere else, it wasn’t here. Not one person vandalized anything.
True unity is in action. People genuinely care for each other regardless of ethnic, religious or status differences. Everyone was ONE. Malaysians. With all due respect Mr.Najib – this is 1Malaysia with substance. Not the kind of crowd with free 1Malaysia tshirts waving the Malaysian flag whilst thinking of the free food which will be provided later.

Was it worth it to join the rally? Definitely, I have no doubt in my mind. I felt a sense of solidarity with all those around me, in a way which is almost unexplainable.

After 30 minutes of a break and recharging myself with a can of Redbull, I seek to rejoin the masses. I found a huge group just in front of our newly renovated Pudu Bus Terminal. By then, the marchers had already experienced rounds of tear gas and trigger happy water cannons. I watched in shock, as water ran down the street like a flash flood. Somehow, I manage to sneak into the crowd.

Someone told me how MP Sivarasa was negotiating with the polis and whilst he was negotiating, I had the pleasure of experiencing something, I will never forget for the rest of my life. Despite the drizzling rain, the uncertainties and the risk of being fired by another round of teargas, the crowd spontaneously starts to sing Negaraku. It was such an awesome moment in my life, that I had goosebumps.

Later MP Sivarasa informed us that the police were allowing us to march on one side of the road towards Jalan Sultan. Deep down inside, I was like ‘yeah right’. Less than 10 minutes later, he and couple of other negotiators were whisked away by the polis (they were later arrested) and all hell broke loose. Rounds of tear gas and sprays from the water cannon, force the majority of the group into the Tung Shin hospital compound. I initially thought that it was a safe bet to be in a hospital compound. Boy oh boy, it was a perfect trap for us. Yes, they did shoot tear gas inside the parking compound of the hospital.

Being cornered with nowhere to run, not less than 30 guys and girls were arrested, including me. I was handcuffed using some sort of cable tie (which I use wildly in my job), but the only difference being, this one is much larger. The cop who drags me from Tung Shin Hospital compound all the way to Menara Maybank was very civil, but not the FRU personnels, who were standing along the street. At least five of them make nasty remarks about my disability. I was grouped with not less than 50 other detainees in Menara Maybank waiting for the famous Black Maria. At this moment, I learned my next two lessons whilst waiting for the Black Maria.

I first met the now most famous Bersih 2.0 figure, ‘Aunty Bersih’, whilst the crowd were singing Negaraku. She sang along. Despite her fragile state and clearly suffering from earlier teargas effects, she holds on to the flowers. Determined and courageous, just like Ambiga. This aunty came around to the staging area where we have been held up and with full respect, she bows in front us – the official detainees. It was so touching. I learned that this is a fight for everyone. This is a fight for the future of our kids. The fight to save this beautiful nation.
Not less than 5 good Samaritans came around and passed us fresh bottled waters. They bought it and brought it to us. For some of them whose hands had been tied at their back, they even hold up the bottle whilst they took a sip. Who are they, politicians? Nope. Suhakam? Nope. Just another MALAYSIAN. I learned that this is who we are. What we are. Utusan, Ibrahim Ali and their fellow goons surely have no idea what is like to be on the ground.

Was it worth it to join the rally? Hell yeah!

After being help up for almost an hour, we were taken to Pulaupol. Man, the place has been setup for a carnival. A number of makeshift tents, mobile lavatories, temporary surau’s and being Malaysians, buffets included. This is surely a good PR job by PDRM. My estimation is not less than 500 detainees in there at this time. It was tough and as this is my first time being detained, I was calm, as I knew that being tense will not help anything at all. Our MYKAD’s has been taken away. We were allowed to use the lavatory and Surau’s but not allowed to use the mobile phone. Despite this, I continued to text my brother and other friends. I was informed that the lawyers were not allowed into the Pulaupol compound. Within an hour, all the formalities were done. No statement was taken.

The chaos really began when the cops started a roll call to return us to the MYKAD. Imagine a guy with loud speaker calling out name after name. Somehow, this is a blessing in disguise. During this roll call, every time a non Malay name comes up – the crowd cheers for him loudly, followed by a big round of applause. At about 8 pm, my name was called and I hitched a ride on PDRM buses which ferries the released ‘detainess’ back to KL Sentral. I got off just outside the main entrance of Pulaupol and joined my brother and his colleagues.

A few minutes later – something unexpected happened. Harris Ibrahim was walking out calmly from the crowd at the main entrance of Pulaupol. I can’t help myself but call out his name loudly, I went up to him and embrace him. I did see the kind of joy in his eyes knowing all his efforts had paid off and I am sure he could see in my eyes the kind of satisfaction I had, because I had joined this rally.

Was it worth it? – Do you need to ask me again? – What’s next my fellow brothers and sisters?

d) Ahmad Azrai : In Blackest Day - My eye-witness account of July 9th, 2011 in Kuala Lumpur — the day Malaysians proved that peace-makers will always triumph over war-mongers (http://www.facebook.com/notes/ahmad-azrai/in-blackest-day/355427934963)

I WAS THERE.

I was there, and no matter what the Malaysian government says — from their ownership of a vast majority of the mainstream media, down to the insensitive and/or untrue (mostly both) statements made by ministers or the Polis Di Raja Malaysia (Royal Malaysian Police or PDRM) — no matter how much they want to deny what happened in Kuala Lumpur (KL) on Saturday, July 9th, 2011, they cannot deny my words.

I was there.

I was there from the first Light Rail Transit (LRT) train in the morning at 6am, travelling and watching the clear roads, where there was hardly any traffic due to aggressive road closures enforced by the PDRM. At the last station, I got down to have breakfast, and bought a copy of the New Straits Times, The Star and Utusan Malaysia.

I was there.

I was there fuming, and trying hard to control my anger, at the blatantly one-sided depiction of the scope of events leading to July 9th. At how Bersih, a coalition of NGOs who wished to send a list of suggestions for freer and fairer elections to the supreme head of the country, was demonised by the mainstream government.

I was there.

I was there on the train again at 8.30am heading back home, planning to leave again for the hotspots around noon. On the train, I met up with the LRT security guards whom I have known over the past 13 years from riding the LRT almost everyday. They were dressed in their Polis Bantuan ("Auxiliary Police") uniforms. I chatted with them, and held my tongue when I discovered to my shock that they were sincerely against the gathering, and that the police were merely keeping the peace instead of threatening a peaceful group with arrests and implicit manhandling. I wished them well as they got off at their designated stations, and continued the journey home.

I was there.

I was there back at Wangsa Maju in record time as the trains ran at better-than-peak-hour efficiency. I promptly went to the cybercafé to read what the independent Internet media had to stay, as well as follow the progress on Twitter. At around 11.20, I walked back home, bathed again and went back out on the LRT. I headed out back to KL, and saw the huge gathering of people outside the old train station. Alighting at KL Sentral, I purchased a small bottle of water, which proved to be very useful later on. Stopping for lunch at the YMCA — all the while observing a small but very steady stream of people walking towards Jalan Petaling — I made my way towards the same venue at 1pm.

I was there.

I was there when a virtually-unbroken line of people a kilometre long made its slow but steady way towards Stadium Merdeka. Despite a small but very vocal number of active agitators, the line was quiet and dignified, with occasional bouts of cheers. I walked from Brickfields towards the train station, then the main post office and crossing over to the Pasar Seni LRT station, which had already been shut down.

I was there.

I was there amongst the crowd that moved from Petaling Street towards Jalan Pudu, bumping into my friends from work. I was not there as a worker though, even though I would have been within my rights to be there as the journalist that I am. Lack of support from my editor-in-chief was the reason why I was not there as a reporter on the scene. But I was there, as a citizen of Malaysia, which was the only justification I needed.

I was there.

I was there when Malaysians of all colours and ages walked peacefully towards the Puduraya Bus Station, and I was there as we all revelled in the fact that there were definitely more than 20,000 people standing all around — on the roads, in and around the bus station and Menara Maybank itself. I was there at 1.50pm when I met James Pollard, a British tourist from Bristol who was wondering what was going on. And as I gave him a continuous explanation, the Federal Reserve Unit (FRU) brought out water-cannons (laced with chemical irritants and not just harmless water) as well as the CS tear gas rifles, shooting both at the crowd. A small police force started running and catching people, kicking and beating some of those they caught in broad daylight.

I was there.

I was there as the crowd managed to push back the FRU for a moment before making its ways down Jalan Pudu to inch towards the stadium. James and I moved towards the bus station and rose up the ramp to get an elevated view. That was when the FRU decided to fire the tear gas above at the unarmed and non-participating spectators — in short, the innocent bystanders.

I was there.

I was there when I got hit by tear gas for the first time in my life. It was excruciating in a manner beyond mere words; the skin and the eyes burn and sear, as does the nose and throat, producing coughing that only serves to make the victim inhale even more irritants. I was racked in pain, unable to do anything but struggle to breathe and vomit. A concerned citizen tried to give me some salt to counter the effects, but I was too much in pain and discomfort to want it even though I knew it would help. It took a while, but the effects wore off, leaving me weak and feeling wretched.

I was there.

Photo: James Pollard

I was there when all my fellow Malaysians showed concern for one another, helping each other, not a single of whom were shouting or behaving in a manner befitting of hooligans. So unlike the police, strutting arrogantly with their weapons and numbers which were puny compared to the crowd, shouting insults and belittling the very people they had supposedly been sworn to protect and serve.

I was there.

I was there when they confronted the people who sat on the road, with nary a weapon of any sort in their hands. They only used their voices, and even then it was merely a wall of cheers and vocalisations. I saw it all from the overhead pedestrian bridge of the bus station when they fired tear gas again into the seated crowd. Another British friend I had made, Sam Franklin, got footage of the whole scene. Of course, being at the scene meant that in the rush to escape the gas, I got stuck, and got another stronger blast of the CS gas. It was even worse the second time around, due to the higher concentration. But again, I survived.

I was there.

I was there down on the street with James and Sam when there was a final ceasefire, and the MP for Subang R Sivarasa was negotiating with the police. And we then moved off to get a drink and recuperate — and therefore missed the Tung Shin hospital incident, which was reported brilliantly by my work colleague and friend, Max Koh. I have never been prouder of a friend than I am of Max for his concise, excellent account of what happened. This article is not meant to compete with his account — but I am the first to admit that it can never compete with its brilliance.

I was there.

I was there with my new-found friends who later took me back to their hostel to recover — with James; Sam; Kaya from Taiwan; Mike O'Connor from New Zealand; Tay Franssens from Holland; and Ben Quigley from the USA — and I sat down with them as they watched Sam's videos, and answered their questions as best as I could. And I told them not to just take my word for it, but to ask around. They did — and all agreed that even the contrary points of view (of which there were many, either from the police forces or from ordinary Malaysians, who for some reason did not understand nor support the Bersih movement) reinforced what I had told them. And reinforced what they had seen.

I wasn't there for some things.

I wasn't there when the deputy inspector-general of police denied that the Tung Shin Hospital compound was both attacked with tear gas and sprayed on with the chemical water, despite photos and videos to the contrary already up online. And I certainly wasn't there when the Prime Minister of Malaysia Mohd Najib Abdul Razak made fun of people who were weaklings for their reaction to "a little tear gas". Most definitely, I wasn't there — because if I was, I would have spit at him.

But I was there.

I was there that day, on the ground where brute force was used to subdue peaceful citizens who had every right to be in the capital city. Mohd Najib, where were you? You and your wife were out being wined and dined the whole day in luxurious comfort, as you always have been. And you have the audacity to speak about and belittle things that you obviously do not know about.

Well, I was there.

I was there, and I survived. You who call yourself a pemimpin ("leader", literally "one who guides") are not fit to pimpin me or any one of us anymore. And so I say that I am determined to continue fighting the good fight for freedom, truth, fairness and equality — even if it kills me. As the great Mahatma Gandhi once said: "They may torture my body, break my bones, even kill me, then they will have my dead body. NOT MY OBEDIENCE!" — and the same goes for me. As the old and beautiful song Tanah Pusaka goes: "Biar putih tulang, jangan putih mata." (Literally "Better to show that your bones are white, better not that show that your eyes are white", ie "Tis better to be dead than to be willingly blind") You can take away almost anything from me — but you can never take away my dignity.

I was there.

And I am still here.

Ahmad Azrai grew strong and learned how to carry on.

e) Aunty Anne, lady of liberty (http://uppercaise.wordpress.com/2011/07/10/aunty-anne-lady-of-liberty/)

Why do we have to feel so scared (and threatened) in our own home land.. and by own countrymen?
AUNTY ANNE

Aunty Anne (Ann Ooi, 65, formerly a teacher in Penang) is the mother of entertainment personality Elaine Pedley.

Photos: Hugo Teng

» Visit the Facebook fan page…

An encounter with Aunty Anne at Bersih

By Charlotte Hew
(posted at Facebook)

“

By: Charlotte Hew
BERSIH 2.0 (9 July 2011). Our Walk for Democracy.

Anne, from Setapak, took a bus ride down to KL, ALONE, in support of the rally. She was stopped 4 times, being asked her IC, and questioned by the police on why she’s wearing yellow. “why can’t I wear yellow?” was her reply. she didn’t know what time the rally was scheduled to start, she didn’t know where, she has no one with her; all she knew was to get down to KL, and stand for what she believes in.

the first thing she asked when she sat on our table, “what are you guys doing here?”

Anne teaches English in government schools for about 35 years (if i remember correctly). but her passion is really singing and dancing; and what she values most in her life now is freedom.

Anne has rallied in bersih 2007. she was disappointed as to why no one else was wearing yellow that day. we said chill lah.. that’s cuz if we do, we’d be stopped by the cops even before we get the chance to enter KL. “it’s so sad.. it’s so sad that the police are treating our rakyats like these.”

“When you come to rallies, there’s a spirit of unity… something i cannot describe… when everyone is united for a cause. you don’t even get this sort of unity in church.”

She left me with a question that still resides in my heart. now may i impose on you to think about it. “Why do we have to feel so scared (and threatened) in our own home land.. and by own countrymen?”

Unity in spirit, strength in numbers. Imagine Malaysia in our fullest potential only if we stand together as one.

f) Pak Samad Said (Unggun Bersih) -

Semakin lara kita didera bara—

kita laungkan juga pesan merdeka:
Demokrasi sebenderang mentari
sehasrat hajat semurni harga diri.

Lama resah kita—demokrasi luka;
lama duka kita—demokrasi lara.
Demokrasi yang angkuh, kita cemuhi;
suara bebas yang utuh, kita idami!

Dua abad lalu Sam Adams berseru:
(di Boston dijirus teh ke laut biru):
Tak diperlu gempita sorak yang gebu,
diperlu hanya unggun api yang syahdu.

Kini menyalalah unggun sakti itu;
kini merebaklah nyala unggun itu.
24—25, 6.11. A. SAMAD SAID

Pak Samad Said, our National Laureate, has been tireless in his efforts for Bersih. On the 9th, this 76 year old walked and walked and walked, until he was stopped by the police near the Istana, where he had wanted to deliver the Bersih memorandum to His majesty the King. According to Pak Samad, His Royal Highness had said “can” when asked whether Bersih could deliver the memorandum on the 9th. Alas, it was not to be.

Pak Samad is however, Malaysia’s new hero.

Negaraku .. Tanah tumpahnya Darahku ....

2011-07-12T06:22:00.000-07:00

Hopefully the Kementerian Pendidikan will do justice to 9 Jul 2011 incident to pen down the day Malaysians, regardless of race, gender, or age marched down hand-in hand in unity and peace to appeal to the ruling Government for fair elections. I do believe 13 May written in the Sejarah books had been written to project the preferred view of the people in power ... thank God that we now live in the generation of I-phones, Facebook, Twitters, blogs ... You Tube ... at least what actually took place was recorded by many ... pictorially ... live action ... and in words ....

This indeed is a different generation .... total different era ... battles can only be won if we know how to embrace this generation and era ... old weapons and strategies cannot be applied or used .

Emotions ran high for many true Malaysians .... when I read the blogs and articles of those who had graciously penned down their experiences for those like me who did not join --- as I read ... tears flood my eyes .. right after reading my 1st article (Annette's article) I have decided that in the next Bersih (if there is a next time) ... I would like to join in the march for my beloved country as well .... NegaraKu ... Tanah tumpahnya darah Ku ... Rakyat hidup, bersatu dan maju, Rahmat Bahagia, Tuhan kurniakan, Raja kita, selamat bertakhta ...

It is in these moments that I really begin to appreciate and embrace the meaning of our national song --- NegaraKu ... tanah tumpahnya darah ku ... will I be willing to shed blood for my beloved country ... the land where God has given me and placed me in? Don't get me wrong .. m not supporting violence here but ... think about the martyrs of the early church --- the foundation of our church today was the seed of the martyrs that was shed -- starting from Stephen .. (Acts 7:54-8:3) we have praying and crying for revival in Malaysia ... Jesus ... visit Malaysia .... Heal our nation .... Holy Spirit rain down in Malaysia .... I have personally have been fervently praying for my beloved nation, the salvation of my cousins for almost 10 years ... the challenge now : am I prepared to die for the sake of the gospel for my nation? .. OOO ... indeed Negaraku tanah tumpahnya darahku ....

I think one important point that we must not miss out is educating our next generation -- our children and youth to love our nation ... to appreciate the harmony among the race and to love another because there is no distinction in the eyes of God --- be it color, language, age, gender ... social status right to the brand of clothes or shoes one wear or type of car one drive -- because at the name of Jesus, every knee shall bow .... every tongue shall confess that Jesus is Lord ... this is the will of the Father and when God's Kingdom is done on earth ...

Question : What will do you for His Kingdom to come on earth? How will you respond if God were to ask you to be the seed planted for the revival and transformation of our land and our next generation?

Slow Fade - Casting Crown

2011-07-12T01:41:00.000-07:00

The lyrics of this song is sooo true and real -- it is a slow fade when we start to be careless with ourselves and allow our eyes ... ears ... wonder away where it should not wonder off .. that is the start of giving ourselves away ... the crack begins ... the leak starts ...

Am totally not a believer of the overnight statements of : "ooppss .... I dont love you anymore ... there is no more feelings" or "I fell out of love with you and in love with another" -- it is always a slow fade ... when we are careless with where our eyes wonder off .... and allow our mind to wonder off for awhile .... after all, who know what goes on in the heart?

This is also so true in our relationship with God - when we become careless with our inner life ... when we think that we are strong and well or when we think we need a "break" ... that's when we will fall ..... when what is black or white turn to grey and we compromise with our values .. God had to fight to keep His position in our hearts .... outwardly we are still going to church ... lifting up our hands in worship and reciting spiritual prayers .... after all, who knows what goes on in our hearts ...

... People never crumble in a day ... Daddies never crumble in a day .... Families never crumble in a day .... and Eng Ing would like to add : nations never crumble in a day .... Malaysia will not crumble in a day ... its a slow fade .... the cheating .... lies ... corruption ... stealing ... power merge between the Parliament and jurisdiction ... injustice ... the ugly truth swept under the carpet .... again I say .. nations will not crumble in a day .... Malaysia -- will you rise to put a stop before the crumble happen? Yes .... this was what Bersih 2.0 is all about ... after Bersih 2.0 .. what next?

Before the crumble happens ... let us humbly come before our Maker and consider our ways first ... let change and transformation begin with ourselves first and let it flow into our families .... society ... and nation! Be careful little eyes what we see ... be careful little ears what we hears ... be careful little hands what we do .... be careful little feet where we go ......................................

Let us rise to be Bersih internally first before the Lord : if My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
(2 Chron 7:14)

A powerful reminder by Casting Crown :

______________________________

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade wh en you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade
Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when y ou give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from yo ur mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away

It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful littl e eyes what you see

Life will never be the same again

2011-06-05T17:24:00.000-07:00

Going into Spore yesterday was a slightly different experience because i did not drive (I normally do), instead I followed HH's car in. Since he was rushing for time cos we were stuck in massive jam before even entering JB town, he dropped me off at Woodlands. I took 170 to TTC -- boy ... it had been such a long time since I took 170 ... does bring back memories .... sitting in the heavily PVC scented bus, on the PVC chairs that reminds me of the bus chairs in the green bus that used to ply around in Sitiawan .. down the familiar Bukit timah road ... everything looks the same .. almost ... but if u look closer ..one can spot some changes in the landscape view.

By the time we reach Seng Seong or Ten Mile Junction ... the entire view is completely different ... the are renovating the entire mall! I remember how Li and I used to walk to Seng Seong in the evenings to buy our fruits, instant noodles and junk food .... and take a bus back to TTC. Reaching TTC bus stop -- it was a mess!!! I got down and almost walked into Salvation Army thinking that its TTC cos of the mess!!! It was only after the mess of the MRT construction that I can see the familiar slope which i walked thousands of times 3 years in TTC. After not walking on the slope for 1 whole year .... going up the slope can be a challenge ... hehehhe ... berpeluh2!

Visited CC. It as good to see her again after my last visit about 1mth ago .. can really see God's strength and grace on her as she embraces the challenge of her health .. pray that God's mercy and healing will continue to be with her and family .... she said a statement that stuck with me even till now : "Life will never be the same again" ....

Yup ... going to Spore through 170 through the familiar route by bus .... physically there are changes in the landscape and buildings .... as I step into Rail Mall -- the "smell' of Rail Mall is the same but again ... but there are changes - its like "something old, something new"kinda feeling .. yes, Harry's and Cold Storage, Ah Mei and Eat is still there .... but suddenly -- there is a Watson!! Have my favorite fattening laksa in EAT -- the price is till the same but it has lesser noodles, soup and 'hang' .... things are the same yet not the same ....

The best part of my trip is to be blessed with the sound of the KTM train ... the sound that I love to hear 3 times in a day from my room ..evening ... early morning and just before midnite

This is life .. things changes ... people change ... our emotions will change .. people come and go in our lives .... and ... we generally hate changes ... it is indeed a fact of life that life will never be the same again .... we are dynamic creatures living in a dynamic world ....

But ...one thing I am very certain that will not change in my life : Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever more -- as long as I hold on tight to His hands ... He will be the only SAME FACTOR in my life that will remain the same .... He was there when I was conceived in my mother's womb (Psalm 139), He will be there to hold my hands when I need to cross my Jordan river ... I do not need to fear change .. cos He was there .. has been there and will continue to be there till my journey in this temporary home ends ...

... The Party Begins After 40 .... Cakes ..n More Cakes

2011-06-02T18:50:00.000-07:00

M never really into birthday celebrations ... only last year that God some how convinced me to remember birthday as to celebrate the gift of life that God has given and appreciate the life that was lived. So, last year, after soo000 many years, I celebrated my 40th birthday with my family ... and Dan ... hehehhe ....

This year, the celebration is really really a blown up version .... it started a week before my birthday ... had my 1st birthday cake last Tue .... Aunty PLing so kiasu .. wanted to be the first to wish me ... so she went to buy cheese cake for me.

Then, last Wednesday, I went into Singapore to met up with Pris, Lily and Pei Yi ... to celebrate Pris belated bday and my fast forward bday .. we went to the Jurong Ah Pek Restaurant to have my favorite fish hot pot .... yummy .... I had my second cheese cake ... aunty Lily ... dono where she buy ... very nice ... cheese cake with brownies on top .... it was a time to really appreciate our lives and the gift of friendship ... indeed to was a "heart felt" time .. we even had time to cry while and pray in the car right in front of the restaurant!!!! God will never place us alone in our journey ... God gives us friends to journey with us and along side with us ... friends as God's channels of love and comfort ... thank you very much guys .... love ya ....

Thursday ... the church aunties ..... took Pastor and I out for dinner ... Pastor's bday is on 8 June and mine on 3 June ... but both of us are on the move ... so ... they decided to celebrate the birthday a week before mine .. they are particular ... they do not want to celebrate belated birthdays .... so ... my 3rd cake rolled in .... and the food .... wah sooo much!!!

Mom has been harassing me past 2 weeks for me to go back on my birthday ... she wants to celebrate my birthday (... eeemm.. sure got udang di sebalik batu one ...) ... anyway .. I went back sban 30 May and we celebrated my birthday ... the typical Mom's style ... fried egg with fried bihun ... I cook fish head curry as well ... but wait .... why m I the cook for my bday meal? ... SM says ... cos only I know how to cook those dishes .... >< ..... anyway ... she baked my favorite cheese cake ... (4th cake) ... and fried Keropok!!!!

I have been thinking and missing Dad past 2 weeks ... it was indeed precious moment when I get to go back to Sitiawan to visit Dad and at the same time to send Mom back for a short break. It's a miracle that Mom can sit up for so long and can travel back to Sitiawan ... when we took her out CNY ... the thought did cross how she will go back to swan again ... well ... God indeed has blessed me with both my parents living way in His grace.

Last celebration .... my youths gave me a surprise!! We suppose to go for a movie but my youths lined up a whole host of activities and FUN .... we started early morning ... have to reach City Square b4 10am .. why .. cos need go sing song !!! hahhaha ....

So we gathered and went for karaoke ... all sing cina song ... off cos ... they have to have an English song for Eng Ing Jie ... what song --- abcdefg ... fijklmn .... yes ... the traditional alphabet song!!!! All can sing!! hahhaa ... we had so much fun la ... many talents revealed : ....

WX: born singer and entertainer ... lot pattern and gaya .... JE : dont ever give her the mike when go karaoke with her .. else she will never let go of it!!! sing non stop!!! (LOL) ... HL : she sings with passion and emotions ... syok nyanyi ... YP : hahhaha ... give mike ... dont 1 sing ... no mike ... wah ... sing bukan main lagi ... so, net2 ... can sing la .... KT : hahhaha ... this guy ... can sing one!!! (KT : when u going lead us in worship??? we are waiting ..... ) ... JK : ppl singing ... so noisy ... he zzzzzz ... pengsan!!! JA : she can sing but need some time warm up with the mike ... XB : seasoned karaoke boy ... all song he can sing and sing all the time .. he enjoys it ... The other 2 sisters ... shy ... but can sing one la ... Teacher was singing to herself wat .... she thought no one knows and see ... hehhehe ... I heard :0 ... HF and JQ : ai yo ... singing pattern not yet come out ... maybe 1st time in karaoke .. wait la ... sure one day also will syok sing ....

After the singing .. its movie session -- Panda Kungfu 2 ... ai yo ... the panda so super cute ... like Wesley ... but I know someone .... zzz movie time!!!! The singing gal!!! How can she sing while others were laughing!!! There was another (the born singer and entertainer) .... moved into the seats and plunk himself on the chair in the middle of the row and happily watching the movie ... NOT knowing that we booked the entire row!!! So, some poor fellows had to seat other seats ... which includes real front seats!!! eerr .... hey born singer ... they still need to claim neck massage from u leh ... hehhehehe...

When movies done .... the conference starts ... wah .. the youth non stop conference ... where to go and what to do ... hahahha ... they wanted Starbucks ... m not into coffee that day cos already had my second cup for the day .... then ... quietly they bring me to this cina restaurant ... where m suppose to show my IC to the shop and they will give us teh tarik (milk tea) on the house!!! Not bad right ... free drinks ... but what I did not know is ... they will also play the bday song in the restaurant!!!! Every one in the restaurant turned and looked at me ... ai yo ... I super shy leh ... face turned red!!! But thank God m tanned ... so ... dont look red2! .... Then my youth so drama .... XBai disappeared some where and came back and said ... "eh ... got song ah ... how come I no hear .... play again la" .... ........... ...... so ... tiba2 ... the song is ON again ... then ... came the cake ... oooo we need the song again .. how can give cake without song!!! FAINT!!!! They played the bday song THREE times for me!!!! I super touched la ... they all so sweet .... touched see how KT served us .... take our orders cos no one knows what to eat or drink ... and then cut and distribute the cake -- servant leader .... :0 .... (KT : thanks)

It rained super heavy .. so guess we are "stuck" in CS right .... what to do -- GAME time!!! So, off we went to our final session for the day .... GAME CENTRE!!! Wah .. the younger ones seems to enjoy the games more than the older ones ... and boy .. can they play .. till dont want to go back!!!

At last ... we have to say ... hey, its time to go home ... the rain stopped .. reluctantly we ended our day of fun .... walked to the bus and took the bus home .... syok ... naik bus beramai2 ... hehehe ....

So, this is how my birthday was celebrated -- the "young" way!! Just as if m celebrating my 21st bday and not 41st bday ... SYOK!!!! M very blessed to be surrounded by God's love ... expressed through family ... friends and church members ...

p/s : yesterday : confirm .. and very confirmed ... the youths enjoy me as much as I enjoy them!! i always enjoy spending time with them ... preparing lessons and even during our sessions together .. I thought i was SSS la ... yday ... really show that they also enjoy me la ... hehhee

.. Mom's Testimony ...

2011-05-31T17:04:00.000-07:00

And so ... this is Mom's testimony .... super long years ago .. we moved into Tmn Muhibbah. Our right side neighbor are teachers and very nice people ... our main door and their main door are side by side .... so our neighbor knows our going in and out .... no problem .. cos they are very nice people. In fact when they bought a semi-D house, they even ask Mom to buy the other house so that we can still be neighbors.

Our left side neighbor where Mom's room is next to their room .... ooo ... that neighbor has been a headache since day one. The lady sells nice prawn noodles in the market and her late husband char keow teow (fried rice noodle) in market which is quite famous. But their relationship is never good .. they fight cats and dogs day and night .... u can always hear fighting ... plates .. pots .. pails flying around in the house. Since she sells noodles in the market ... she wakes up very early 4+ in the morning to prepare ... so from the back room ....we can hear tumbuk2 sound .... cooking sound (which is fine) but .... since is frustrated with her gambling drinking husband .... she will nag, yell and scream releasing her frustration as she prepares ... and you know .... wee hours in the morning .... your house is just not sound proof!!! Eventually, the husband passed away .... and we taught that it will bring peace .... yes ... to certain extend cos she stop running the noodle stall in the market.

But the greatest challenge for Mom is the smell of burning incense sticks ... the worst -- the ashes from the whatever whatever that they burn. The neighbor will purposely burn it at the back of our kitchen area instead of hers because she knows that the ashes will mess the house. Right in front of her house .... right at the side of ours ... facing our house there is a "house" for her god .. this is a challenge for Mom. Once Mom told her to move the house (off cos she cant -- its fong-shui) ....and do not burn at the back of our house ... her face turned black ... scolded us in her house for a week!! After that she stopped talking with Mom and us ....

So, what options Mom has? One - sell the house and move out (which she almost did) Two - pray for the neighbor's salvation!!! That was super many years ago .... imagine Mom has been living with SM and I for almost 10years ... that was how long u can imagine Mom prayed and prays every time she comes back to Sitiawan for this neighbor ...

And then ... SUDDENLY .... yesterday, I saw the the "house" and altar was missing outside her house was missing!!!

I asked Mom what happened ... Mom just said .... Oooo they are going to church now and all this has to go!!!

Wow!!! Praise the Lord!!! The power of Mom's prayers .... now ... we have a peaceful home and clean house in Sitiawan :0...

WaterF U N!!!

2011-05-13T16:47:00.000-07:00

I better blog this event before a 3rd outing happens :) .... been wanting to blog on my FUN time with the youths at Gunung Water Fall many many moons ago but didnt ... today, we had the same outing again ... so tot I better blog it down :-0

This sudden trip happened when after our Sunday meeting on the lesson of how to handle stress, Zian An approached me that some of them want to go to the waterfall to "de-stress" ... and soak in water .. since its a public holiday and it had been super hot for the past few days .... so, within just one and a half day, we put the trip together!

By 630am, we left Tmn Uni .... after "sending" the adults off for their normal hiking route and prayer .. we excitedly gathered for a brief prayer and some ground rules .... and head count -- 16 of us!!! "Let's GOOOOO!" We eagerly jumped into the water ... by 740am ....

Just as we got into the water --- there was the 1st water "attack"!!!! Hahhahaha ... belum apa2 must splash2 di ..... then, we had a few rounds of "birthday baptisms" ..... for May babies ...

The journey was not easy .... because we did not really know how long we will take (all we know, we need to be at the parking place by 1130am to meet the adults) and how the route will be like ... the dangers of the rocks and stone cos NONE of us actually completed this route before!

We walked and walked ... we stopped at 2 or 3 pools of water where we played and enjoyed the water .... and we continued to walk on .....none of us really know where we are heading ... all we know that our journey will end at the waterfall mid way of the hill ... how long more it will take ... none of us know .... at one point .. we saw a jungle route that will lead us back to the main route of the hill ... a shorter cut but we didnt want to take it ... because the river route is more "chi-kek"...

But by the time 1030am ... I summoned a "conference" in the middle of the river ... after sending 2 "spies" out to check what's ahead of us .... frankly ... we cannot see what's round the bend ... we cannot see the route ahead ... the rocks are huge and path looks difficult ... so, not knowing how long more the journey will take i had to call for a "conference" cos we need to be back at the car park by 1130 ... and after hiking for almost 3+hrs ... we still have not reach our destination .... so we talked and laid out the options .... some say ... go back the same way ... some say NO WAY ... some say continue going ahead .... since I am the leader ... m suppose to know what to do right and make a decision, right? ... hahhaha .... frankly I really dono what to do and was getting a little desperate cos the team was getting hungry and tired ... thirsty ... even the 6yrs old said .. her tummy is growling .... what to do ... ai ya ... what else ... DOA la .... so, we prayed ... and I make a decision by faith!

Praise the Lord!!! The decision was right .... in less than 10minutes .... just round the huge rocks and bend ..... we reached our destination!!! YEAH!!!!! God is good!!!! :0 :) :0 ....

Almost all of us ... were "injured" one way or another .... I had a cut below my knees and I dont even remember when and how I got it .... many of our feet ache like mad ... cos we walked on rocks and stones .... its like 4hours of free reflexology!!! But all of us said the same thing at the end : "its worth it!! we want to go again though pain all over!!!!"

We marveled at God's creation ... the water was cool .. and COLD .... clear and clean ... and the trees surrounds us and the sun ray slowly comes up ... wow ... God really LOVE us very much .. it rained but not too heavy the night before (if its too heavy we may cancel the trip as it may be too dangerous at the water fall) .... the weather was perfect ... it was a cloudy morning, the sun only came up later in our trip. By the time we got home, it poured cats and dogs!!! WOW!! Our Father held back the rain till we safely reach home in one piece.

It was touching to see how the siblings care for one another .... how the group helped one another out .... waited for one another ... we had 2 "slipper man" ... helping us to carry our slippers so that our hands are free to hike up the waterfall! I am sure our friendship and bonding with one another is closer now ... :0...

The moral of the story at the end of the day : the 4hours hike we journeyed is like our life journey ... we know where we want to be at the end of our life journey ... to be where God want us to be ... and ultimately with God forever ... but we really do not know how the journey is like ... how long it will take (after all, we dont know when we will die right) ....

Our journey on earth is also difficult and tough like our 4hrs hike .. we will get injured in our journey ... by people ... different encounters .. we will get tired and even sense lost ..(yup .. at certain point of the hike ... I felt that we are LOST ... aaaahhh ... how ... I cannot panic cos m their leader!!! ... so ... keep smiling and encouraging the team... hehehhe ... looks is deceiving!!)

But .... we will ALL reach our final2 destination ---- by God grace and grace alone ... He will give us the strength .. and protect us .... and only when we turned to Him and ask Him to lead us ... guide us .... and trust Him ... we need to turn to God and keep our eyes fixed on Him and Him alone! We prayed few times in this hike right?

Our journey was made easier and fun with the people God place in our life ... God will always put people around to us encourage us, help us ... and even journey with us ... just like how we had one another through out the trip ... :0

Lastly, in our journey ... there will be times where we want to give up ... we want to take short cuts out ... especially when we are tired or the journey gets too difficult ... but the important lesson we learned from this trip is ---- breakthrough will surely come .... we will truly reach our final destination when we press in our journey .. but just before we reach ... that part of the journey is the toughest! We just need to press in with God and trust that He will safely bring us to where He wants us to be at the end!

To God be the Glory!!!

... study ... study .. study ....

2011-05-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

Wow! In this generation that is bombarded by temptations of free "flow" of broadband ... facebook-ing ... computer games ...BGR (if u dont have a bf / gf at 14 or 15yrs, u r a geek, not normal), hang out with friends or roam the shopping malls, or as a group rent chalets to hang out, BBQ, karaOK the night away, gym, basketball, football, badminton, reading love novels, sms, talking on the phone on top of the many tuition and homework ... how to separate from all these and have heart to focus on studies? Hhhaha ... no wonder 24hrs is NOT enough to use. The youths today have much more things on their plate its just so difficult to study .. and this is on top and above the struggle with laziness, no mood, sian, language barrier or limitation .. and the feeling of forever sleepy ...

So, last Sunday in our youth meeting, I invited 4 "speakers" to share their experience how to study, how to prepare for exam and how did God help them in their studies. The "speakers" are actually the youths themselves ... Li Chin (this one last min kena tarik in), Kelvin, Jing En and Yeak Ming ... and oh yes Wee Xiang who also gave lots of input especially on how to study Accounts. Thank you very much for being sporting and sharing yea ... :0

Well, I didn't want to share how to study from my own experience because then it will sound like their own Mom at home "singing songs" to them ... I am very sensitive and careful here because I am older than some of their mothers ... I dont want to be another mother to them ... but their friend ... to share and have fun with ... :0

I can conclude that there are 3 main points that is similar from all the 4 sharing how to study :

a) Relationship with God
It is only with and by God's grace that we can study -- to have mood to study, know what to focus on to study .... only Holy Spirit can help us and empower us to fight the temptations ... the bed calling out to us .... come come come ... come to me ... the sms non stop coming in .... tv, computer games ... "facebook-ing" instead of really face the book to study .... aaahhhh ... how? Only Lord in His mercies can help us ....

I remember my form 6 days ... if it is not because of God, I can never make it ... I will never be able to focus and study ... my motto then was : study hard and study smart .... only God can help us to study smartly ....

In the mist of crying out to God and drawing near to Him .... we personally encounter and experience God - then God is no longer a second hand encounter ... or we will cross over from becoming God's grandchild to becoming God's bao-pei ... the apple of God's eye.

b) STUDY!!!!!
Yes .. we envy those who score As .... but when we compare the way they study and the amount of time, afford and energy put into the studies verses what we put in .... we have to say that that is why our result is like that ... no need to be jealous ... it is hard work .. our "speaker" who score straight As in his SPM says that he can shut himself in his room for whole 6hrs and study! We need to work hard friends ....

All of them shares that they set for themselves goals and target for them to achieve in their studies to push and motivate themselves ... and off course ... in the mist of doing so, they also have targets and goals for their life .. m sure they do not live irresponsibly ... drifting in and out of life ... living and doing as they please .. when they like ... but ... with responsibility towards the life and resources that God has blessed them in order that the blessings of God will flow in a greater manner ...

Responding to my question what shall I do if I have no mood to study --- one of the "speaker" replied ... "no mood still need to tell myself must have mood .... cannot depend on mood to study and live!" ... Yup .. that's sounds real fact of life ... imagine we go to work and that day we have no mood to work ... we can call in to say that we have no mood .. hence not coming to work?? Off course NOT!!! For now ... the job for youth is FULL TIME Students = full time studying ... so ...

c) Friends

Think that this is also a core point ... that is why we have the saying birds of the same feature flock together right? Right kind of friends is important because the power of friend influence is the greatest at this stage of life .... friends are the best people in the world .... not even parents can replace that ... right young people?

So, when we hang out with friends who study ... their performance in studies will give us motivation to study hard so that we will not be left behind in our studies and revisions ... friends will help us when we do not understand or do not know how to do Maths .... I love it when Kelvin says hanging out with the right friends is very important and had help him a lot cos ... when they study, they will study hard .... when they play, they will also play hard ... so ... when they study .. they will include him .. and when they play they will also invite him to play hard!

I strongly believe in right company of friends .... and good friends ... we need to be wise ... cos this will impact and change the course of our life and future! This is why the Bible says : “Bad company corrupts good character.” ( 1 Corinthians 15:33)

So, dear young ones ... what else can I say ...your brothers and sisters have said them all ... and I also echo the verse that Li Chin leaves with you .... and trust that when seek Him first ... He will surely help you and bless you .. give you what you need!

Jia You! May you offer your studies as a living sacrifice of worship to your God!!!

Missing Penang :(

2011-05-10T08:35:00.000-07:00

While I waited for my car to be serviced this afternoon .... I flicked the magazines and came across one section that interest me ---- pages and pages of photos of Penang-Georgetown!!! OOO man!!! Make me really really want to go back to Penang .... especially walk the streets of Georgetown just to take photos .... Market Street, Lebuh Chulia, Love Lane, Penang Road .... Armenian St, Little India ... Kimberly St .... Campbell St .. where I always park my motorbike (free parking) so that I can walk to Penang Road .. and where I will always buy my shoes .... handmade canvas shoes with a little heels .... I buy all the colors available -- green, red, blue,black, beige .... Khoo Kongsi .... Beach Road,
SM and I briefly talked about going back to Penang this year beginning of the year ... Mei2's wedding is on 2 Jul and I have said that I will not be attending cos the timing seem to be too packed for me ... :( ....

Man ... when m I going??? I just want to go back ... walk the streets ... and it must be morning ... Market St .... day time ... and night .... just to take photos ... eat and enjoy the people living there .... well, that's what I did in those days right .... riding into the streets in the morning with my camera to take some people interest photos that is news worthy for my Photo J paper, then going in the evening ... just to enjoy the hustle and bustle of people ending the way ... as night falls ... and then ... makan!!! -- the best bak chang in Love Lane!!!

Hope I get my wish come true and truly get a trip to Penang just to be among the people and enjoy the buildings :0 ....

Man I miss Penang!!!!

I plucked these photos from this page :
http://www.peterloud.co.uk/photos/Penang/Sidestreets/Sidestreets.html

This guys is not only great photographer, he captures Penang just as I remembered it ... the places ... that i love ... and the graveyard and even the tombstones where I roamed when I am bored!

Oooo Penang ... when m I going back to see u .... "lovesick" ...

A Mother's Love Is A Haven in Storms of Life : Helen S Rice

2011-05-09T08:27:00.000-07:00

Saturday night I called Mom to remind her that Sun is Mother's Day .... but I told her that I already "celebrated" Mother's Day for me last weekend when I was down and gave her present di .. :0 ...

Lots of my friends and cousins envy me .. at my age and Mom's age .. I can still have someone physically with me that I can call Mom and can phone her all the time. Most of them will keep telling how blessed I am to still have Mom ..

Yup ... I am very blessed indeed to still have Mom with me ... and enjoying her ... calling her everyday on the phone ... and when I dont she will phone me ... she waits for my call every day .. that I am very sure of ....

I tell my friends and cousins that Mom is living in God's extra extra grace ... cos she is past 70 and God has extended her life .... and preserved her life ... many many times .. in fact, the drama that we had this CNY did make me think that I may need to be prepared for the worst ... especially when Mom at one point was growing weak ... her voice was slowly getting softer and did not seem to eat much ..

But God has His purposes in preserving Mom .. I believe that God indeed has His sovereign reasons and purposes and may Mom live to fulfill the purpose and plan of God fully ....

Today ... Mom is full of life, energy (in her spirit) and determination to live!! She prays 2-3 times daily for all of us .... family by family she will name them one by one ... and off cos for 3 of us ... the DO-RE-MI (that's what she calls LN, CK & I) and now adding Yeow into her prayers. She off course also prays for her own health .. she is very determine to be able to sit up for longer time and able to walk again ... with the help of a walking stick rather than a walking frame.

When you phone her .. her voice is full of life and joy ... laughter .... :0 ... that's Mom ... she very very very ... almost never cry but always positive and determine to work things out with God's help :0... I really thank God that God gives her a prayer partner .... Mom told me that Nelda prays with Mom and some times worship God together ... guess that's the "service" till both of them are able to attend church.

With this, I remember how much she prays for me ... those 7 years of wilderness ... if it is not her prayers (and the prayers of my siblings and loved ones) ... I will not be where I am today .. I will still be lost ... if it is not the prayers of Mom ... I dont think I will go thru TTC ... she will phone me 2-3 times a week and always always ending our conversation by praying for me. Ah Yi used to envy me .... In fact, even during STPM days Mom will pray for me ... 1mth before and during the exam, Mom will brew ginseng with kampung ayam ... and bring it all the way to Tmn Hijau for me to drink ... 2 days 1 fresh chicken ... and off course .. my varsity days ... Mom prays for me too ..... and she continues to pray for through my working life until this very moment ....

So i would like to dedicate this poem by Helen S Rice to my dear Mom ... yes ... her LOVE is indeed a haven for me ... especially in times of storm. Mom has always been there for me .... thank you Mom .. Thank You Abba for giving me Mom ... :0

++++++++++++++++

A MOTHER'S LOVE is like an island
In life's ocean vast and wide,
A peaceful, quiet shelter
From the restless, rising tide ...

A MOTHER'S LOVE is like a fortress
And we seek protection there
When the waves of tribulation
Seem to drown us in despair ...

A MOTHER'S LOVE'S a sanctuary
Where our souls can find sweet rest
From the struggle and the tension
Of life's fast and futile quest ...

A MOTHER'S LOVE is like a tower
Rising far above the crowd,
And her smile is like the sunshine
Breaking through a threatening cloud ...

A MOTHER'S LOVE is like a beacon
Burning bright with FAITH and PRAYER,
And through the changing scenes of life
We can find a HAVEN THERE ...

For a MOTHER'S LOVE is fashioned
After God's enduring love,
It is endless and unfailing
Like the love of HIM above ...
For God knew in HIS great wisdom
That HE couldn't be EVERYWHERE
So HE put HIS LITTLE CHILDREN In a LOVING MOTHER'S CARE.

... All Things Bright and Beautiful ...

2011-05-04T01:58:00.000-07:00

Yes ... remember this old old song? I remember Mrs Tay teaching us in MIF .. this is how old the song is to me ... anyway .. the song has been in my mind past month and when I look at the beautiful things that God created ... from the weeds ... to the birds of the air ... the animals .... not to mention us ... I just marvel at it ... yes ... all things bright and beautiful reminds me that my Lord God created them!

This time around when I visit SM's hse .. I was officially introduced to Raccoon .. the new pet in town .... I just am amazed how different Raccoon is from Jacky ... off course they come from different type of dog ... and if I can draw similarities with us humans, Raccoon and Jacky seem to be from different culture and race background ....

Raccoon hardly makes any sound .... gentle yet majestic in his own way .. the way he walks and carries himself ... just like from upper class .... he is also very clever ... I believe he no bark at me but sniff me and jump on me all over cos he knows I am family. Later in the night ... KC's frd came ... Raccoon barked at him ... not family member ... amazing right ... each creature that God creates is also very different ... amazing!

This morning, I called him to me to pose ... so that I can take pix of him .... initially he came thinking that I want to play with him or give him food ... but after awhile, he decided to abandon me realizing that am not giving him any food nor play with him ... I opened my car door to get my camera out ... he stood right next to me ... hoping to hoop in .. I didn't give him the chance ... he was disappointed ... no wonder he ignored me at the end ... hahahha ....

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.

Each little flower that opens,
Each little bird that sings,
He made their glowing colours,
He made their tiny wings.

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful,

The Lord God made them all

The purple-headed mountain,

The river running by,
The sunset and the morning,
That brightens up the sky;

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all

The cold wind in the winter,
The pleasant summer sun,
The ripe fruits in the garden,
He made them every one;

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all

The tall trees in the greenwood,
The meadows for our play,
The rushes by the water,
To gather every day;

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all

He gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell
How great is God Almighty,
Who has made all things well.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.

Susu is blessed by angels

2011-03-27T03:14:00.000-07:00

I have hated washing my car even before I got my 1st car ... man! who loves washing car .. except for BIL and Chee2 ... who can spend 3-4hrs touching his precious car ... :0 ..

Well, m back in Sban and guess what ... Susu got a good shower!!! Hehehhe ... its really a blessing to have people who are kind enough to help wash my car ....today ... is the hub-wife biz wash and vacuum my car ... the last few times I came back to Sban and dear Dan was the angel who gave Susu a shower .... and talking about that ... I still owe him a KFC treat!

.... thank God for such angels .... especially after a hard day's work and after driving all the way up right after "work" .... :0....

terima kasih yea ...

SPM Result

2011-03-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

Though I do not have many youth who got their SPM results today .. the few of them getting their results is already enough to make my heart beat double this morning as I wait for them to SMS me their results ... like any other parent who do not know what is WAIT ... I sms/started calling them by 930am ... when I did not get any news .. :0....

My heart rejoices with those who did very well ... Praise the Lord ... I believe that God blessed your hard work, the consistent study times, the late nights when you needed to catch up or finish your revisions ... yes .. may you continue to work hard and study smart .... and honor the Lord with your studies ... give Him the glory and praise because He held you with His righteous right hand and carried you through your stress and challenging moments when you had to face the exam giant...

For those who did not do so well .... my heart cries with you as well ... dears, still give thanks ... for you know that God was also with you ... He also was there with you when you did your revisions, as you struggle to write the answers in your exams .... or when you started to panic last minute because you did not discipline yourself enough to organize your revision and prepare for your exams .... deep down in your heart, you knew the effort that you did put into your studies ... you know where your heart and mind fly when you stared at your notes and books ....

I can pen this down ... because I was like those who did not do so well in SPM ... I did not work hard enough ... though I did study ... I did not take my studies serious enough to want to work hard .... I hated exams ... I hated the subjects that I took .... my mind is always here there .. though my notes or books may be in front of me. My mind either dreaming of the fun times I can have, where I can go .. what I can play .. or day dreaming of the boys I am interested in ... :0 ... a la ... biasa-la ... teens what .... puppy love .... SPM result was a wake up call for me ... for me not to be lazy ... not to take things and studies for granted ... and not to be arrogant ... it was a wake up call to think and seriously pray over what is God's will for my life .... what God want me to do and be after I finish my studies ...

... God is a God of grace ... God is a God of second chance ... I cried very hard when I received my SPM results because it was not good .. it was boarder line case ... God was gracious enough to give me such a result to allow me entry into form 6 ... and in form 6, I made the choice to really work hard, study smart and I leave my results to God .... I wanted to give God the glory through my studies ... I wanted to shine for Jesus in my studies ... and also because I trusted that my Father had a plan for my life .... a plan that will give me a hope and a future ... I trusted my Father will show me His will and plans for my life -- which will be the best ... but in order for me to reap this, I had to play my part of working hard ... studying smart .. walk closely with my Father ... in my Quiet Time and personal worship .... seeking Him for His plans and will in my life ... and I guess that was why I received my calling to serve Him full time right after I finish my STPM exams ..... God was a God of second chance because He gave me another chance to sit for public exam (STPM) ... indeed He blessed the hard labor of my hands and opened the door to USM ....

Looking back ... indeed I can echo the lyrics of the song :

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

To those who do well and those who did not do so well .... your Savior will lead you all the way .... in your life journey .... as you trust and obey Him .... honor Him .... and He will honor you ... He will lift you up in due time ... seek Him ... and indeed He shall be found by you ... and He will lead you to His will and plans for you ... He will set your foot firmly in His path .... isn't life exciting? You really do not know what is around the bend that is in front of you ... but He knows ... if you place your hands in His hands and walk with Him ... He will indeed help you to journey and lead you beside still waters .... green pastures ....

Seek Him .... seek His plans and purposes for your life ... and He will open a way for you in the wilderness .... rivers in the desert ... He will open up doors that you will never ever think it will be open to you ... and when He opens the door... the door will be wide open .. no man can shut the door .... may Psalms 25 : 1-7 be the cry of your soul ...

In You, LORD my God, I put my trust.

I trust in You; do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.

No one who hopes in You will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.

Show me Your ways, LORD, teach me Your paths.

Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior,
and my hope is in You all day long.

Remember, LORD, Your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.

Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways;
according to Your love remember me, for You, LORD, are good.

Decisions ... Decisions ...

2011-03-08T21:46:00.000-08:00

Life is full of decisions that we need to make and this is what we did on our English Bible study ... decision making ... to surrender and follow Jesus is a decision that we need to make - from that day onwards, its an ongoing decision in life. Then again, if one decides not to follow Jesus ... it's still a decision and life long journey of decision that one decides -- how to life and how one desires to live.

My question then to my youth on that day? How do you make decisions? What is your process of decision making and what will influence you decision making process?

Making decisions is always a challenging process but I do believe that we need to try to learn to make wise god honoring decisions as early as possible because I have seen too many adults (or some "aged" adults) who can't seem to be able to make decisions (which is so sad... ) and many more who seem to go back and forth the two ends of every decision they make (the ding-dong process is tiring and wearies people around you) ... Every decision made and unmade will impact the lives of those who live around us ... especially those whom we love or are close with ... in one way or another ... hey .. we do not live in a vacuum system but God place us in a family and community! I strongly believe that we also need to take the responsibility

So, what's my decision making process? Mine ... simple ....

a) Look and lay out all options and count each cost of every option - cost to myself and people around me

b) Pray and discern what God as to say to me .... on each option -- ie .. wrestle with the Lord every option .... the option of His desires verses my desires .... and ultimately to be able to lay it all down at the foot of the Cross and to listen only to His clear still voice .... this is the hardest of the entire step ... cos it requires letting go.... letting go of self and say : "May Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven ... Your Kingdom come .. Your will be done in my life" --- not my will ... my desires ... my ambitions .... my happiness ... my comfort .... it is tough to let of our logical "smart" reasoning and be still before Him ... and to allow God to charge ... cos His thoughts are our thoughts, neither His ways ours .. it is hard humbly recognize our inabilities and that we are not that "clever" after all ... this is the part where we say : "Jesus, You are the Lord and Master over my life .. come what may ... let Your Kingdom come into my life .. thought physically I may not desire it or look good but I trust that in Your love for me, You will want the best for me "

c) To seek the prayers, advise, affirmation and discernment of one or two godly and mature Christian. I don't believe in going out to the entire whole the hear their voices on the matter cos as it is .... there are already too many voices inside and outside ... but I strongly would recommend that we seek out one more mature, godly to put in a word of two of words of wisdom.... yes .... very important key .... godly and more mature ... if not mature ... you will go round and round cos what seen is of the same level or lower ....

d) Lastly, to know Him and what His says in this issue -- to know Him .. we need to spent time with Him .... in our daily lives ... to read the love letters He left for us (the Bible) and to learn to hear and discern His voice daily ....

I know to make a right decision is more important than making a quick decision. Be bold in your decision, a decision needs to be made at the end of the day, .... once the decision is made ... step out of the boat ... look ahead, fixing our eyes of Jesus who will hold our hands with His righteous right hands all the way .... faith will carry us through .. for He will not let go of our hands ....

Am encouraged to hear from 15year old youth that what helps her to make decisions (especially major decisions) .. is to hear out her Mom's opinions and ideas first. Then with the ideas from her Mom she will think through and modify it according to her circumstance. In our world where parents and kids are so disconnected, where the generation gap is so wide ... its refreshing to hear this ... and I know that this girl really wrestles through the peer pressures ... issues of life that any normal youth will struggle with .... and still decides to honor and obey her parents and love God in her decisions.

Learn to be decisive ... learn to make godly wise decisions .. and to let go ... trusting that God will take care of the rest ... even if the decision turns out to be wrong or bad -- remember Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who^a]"> have been called according to His purpose."... so, please be bold .. make your decision and don't stay at reverse gear ... place your foot on the "drive" paddle to move forward in your decision!

The Left Behinds

2011-03-04T21:51:00.000-08:00

It has been four years since I last met up with her. We had lunch to catch up ..... from a grieving, bitter and struggling widow, from a moody widow to one that is bubbly with the joy of the Lord as her strength ... from one possessive mother for fear of loosing another, clinging to the son as replacement of what the husband used to be to her ... to one who depends on Jesus instead of men ...

Gone were the days of a sensitive widow of tears, gone were the traces of loneliness, sleepless nights, staring at the ceiling and asking "why" "why do you have to leave me .. why do you have to go ... why can't you fight and pull through for us ... angry cos you are selfish to leave me alone to continue this journey and to raise up our teenage rebellious son alone ... why God has to take you home, why does this have to happen to our family" ...

Meeting up with her reminds me that the pain and sorrow of losing someone we love dearly is real .... How do we, the left behinds continue our journey without the loved one along side us ... this journey will be made easier when we turn to God for comfort, help and our source of strength to go on comes from Him ... just like my friend ...

Having said this ... its OK to grief .. its OK to cry .. think all of us need time out to grief and cry ... all of us need space to say our goodbyes ...

But how we, the left behinds move on ... will all depend on who's hands do we cling on to as we continue our journey here ... till we meet again face to face ...

The song ....I will Rise comes to mind as I reflect on this issue ... let the left behinds rise when He calls our name ....

And I Will Rise when he calls my name
No more sorrow, No more pain
I Will Rise, on Eagle's wings
Before my God fall on my knees,and rise
I Will Rise

It Takes the Bitter & Sweet to Make a Life Full & Complete : Helen S Rice

2011-03-02T05:10:00.000-08:00

Life is a mixture
of sunshine and rain,

Laughter and teardrops,
pleasures and pain --

Low tides and high tides,
mountains and plains.

Triumphs, defeats
and losses and gains --

But ALWAYS in ALL WAYS
God's guiding and leading

And He alone knows
the things we're most needing --

And when He sends sorrow
or some dreaded affliction

Be sure that it comes
with God's kind benediction --

If we accept it
as a GIFT OF HIS LOVE

We'll be showered with blessings
from OUR FATHER ABOVE.

Desert Experience

2011-03-02T03:54:00.000-08:00

Everyone at one point or other has to go through a season of spiritual desert experience, whether you are a young Christian or matured or in full time ministry or even a pastor. We can see almost all hero in the the Bible went through the desert experience. Jesus Himself went through this when His friend betrayed Him, deserted Him and ultimately, when He hung on the Cross, He cried, "My God, My God, why have You abandon Me?"

So, first things first, if you are in this desert experience right now, don’t worry – it’s normal, all of us need to go thru it.

What is a Spiritual desert experience?

When a soul experiences a period where it cannot sense or feel God. No matter what we do, we can read the Bible, we can even try to worship God or even pray … we cannot feel or experience what we used to feel with God.

It’s like our soul is like experiencing a spiritual drought, its dry and hot …. God seem to be so far away, we do not feel the presence of God and at times wonder if He has left us alone to ourselves or and has abandoned us, especially in the time when we need Him the most, we cannot feel Him ..

It is also during these times that we feel that our live is at a standstill … nothing seems to be moving or going anywhere …. Or our lives is moving ... round and round .... in a circle. During this season, we seem to have lost our sense of direction in life, do not know where we are going and there is a sense of meaninglessness … purposelessness, emptiness and boredom seems to sip into our perfectly OK lives.

Spiritual Desert can come in different forms : - in relationship – marriage, kids, siblings, friends or disappointment with life, discouragement, depression, temptation or even can come in the form of our jobs or in our studies.

Allow me to briefly go through reasons why we go through spiritual desert. I break the reason into two main category : firstly, it is a self inflicted desert and secondly, it is cause by a normal natural part of a growing up process, spiritual growth.

a) Self inflicted

i. Prolong sin & disobedience - we see this example in the 40years of desert that Israel went thru : (Number 32:13, Ps 78 : 8-11, 17 - 19). Here, the duration of our desert season depends on our ability to response to God in obedience.

ii. Do not trust God (Ps 78:22) and is not faithful towards God (Ps 78:8, 37)

iii. Physical tiredness (Elijah) (1 Kings 19 : 7-10) v 10 - when we are physically tired, we push our body to hard to the point where we are running or operating from a empty tank .....

iv. A “cooling off” environment (King David) ( 2 Sam 11 : 1-2, Psalms 51 : 11-12). This is where we think that we need a break in our lives and began to 'relax", let down our guards ... and BAM, the next thing you know, you have entered into a desert. What do we do to relax and destress? Guard what you see, hear and soaked on. It affects your spirit man.

b) Part of “growing up” process

This is a normal part of our walk with God. Every great spiritual hero we want to be or admire in the Bible or in history went thru this season. Moses, Elijah, Jonah, David, Joseph, John ...

In the spiritual life, the desert experience is a time of preparation and deepening of our life with the Lord.

i. God uses the desert experience as training ground and preparation before He launch us out to fulfill the vision of the man and woman He want us to be (Moses : Acts 7)

ii. God use the desert experience to draw us to Him (Moses : 40years in wilderness before God appear to him in the burning bush, God called Moses up to Mt Sinai to fellowship with God)

iii. God uses the desert experience to test our hearts (Deut 8:2, 16)

iv. Prolong temptation (Matt 4:1,11)

How then do we response to our desert experience

i. Humility of the soul - if our season is self inflicted, we need to humbly come before God in repentance and if our season is due to our spiritual growth, the we need to humbly accept the portion and lot that God has given to us in that season. Let's soften our hearts and allow God to do the deep cleansing and healing work in our souls.

ii. Dependency on God - during this season, our sole dependency must be from God and not our spouse, our pastor or money or any other thing. God has to be the One we depend on.

iii. Connectivity with God - we must also need to make sure that we attune our spiritual antenna towards God in this season so that we can hear and discern what He wants to do and tell us in this season. Indeed when we seek Him with all our heart, He shall be found by us. He is give us the strategy and keys get out of this season.

iv. Dig deep through praise and worship - through out Psalms, we can see how David and the psalmist dig deep in praise and worship .. to seek for the living waters and then to unlock the rivers of living waters to run in and through their soul once again ...

...Storms ... from Streams in the Desert ..

2011-03-01T06:51:00.000-08:00

I just need pen this down as a reminder to myself and to encourage myself that when storms of life come blowing .. and blowing hard in my life .... its not the end of the world but channels from God to make me stronger ... and to bring me to another level ... after all, was it not Jesus who commanded the storm to be "still" .... and I believe that He will command the storms in my life to be still if He want to ... but sometimes He allows the storms in my life to blow and wash away things that is not of Him ..my flesh ... my self ambitions and desires ... storms of life blows to bring me to another level ... of maturity in my journey and more intimate with Him ....

Thanks Pris, for sharing this with me ...

.. .. “the sufferings of life are God’s winds. Sometimes they blow against us and are very strong. They are His hurricanes, taking our lives to higher levels, towards His heavens. Human life works exactly on the same principle. When the storms of life appear, the atmosphere is changed, purified, filled with new life, and part of heaven is brought down to earth.”

When Trouble Comes and Things Go Wrong! (Helen S Rice)

2011-03-01T06:01:00.000-08:00

Let us go quietly to God when trouble come to us,

Let us never stop to whimper or complain and fret and fuss,

Let us hide"our thorns" in "roses" and our sighs in "golden song"

And "our crosses" in a "crown of smiles" whenever things go wrong

For no one can really help us as our troubles bemoan,

For COMFORT, HELP and INNER PEACE MUST COME FROM GOD ALONE .....

So do not tell your neighbor, your companion or your friend

In the hope that they can help you bring your troubles to an end ...

For they too have their problems, they are burdened just like you,

So TAKE YOUR CROSS TO JESUS and HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH ....

And waste no time in crying on the shoulder of a friend

But go directly to the Lord for on Him you can depend ....

For there's absolutely NOTHING that His mighty hand can't do

And He never is too bust to help and comfort you.

Listen in Silence if You Would Hear (Helen S Rice)

2011-02-23T18:57:00.000-08:00

Silently the green leaves grow

In silence falls the soft, white snow

Silently the flowers bloom

In silence the sunshine fills a room

Silently bright stars appear

In silence velvet night draws near ....

And silently GOD enters in

To free a troubled heart from sin

For GOD works silently in lives

For nothing spiritual survives

Amid the din of a noisy street

Where raucous crowds with hurried feet

And "blinded eyes" and "deafened ears"

Are never privileged to hear

The message GOD wants to impart

To every troubled, weary heart

For only in a QUIET PLACE

Can a man behold GOD FACE TO FACE!

The Foochows of Sitiawan - 3 : My take

2011-02-21T23:33:00.000-08:00

The Yu family pioneers in Sitiawan

The Foochows of Sitiawan : A Historical Perspective by Shih Toong Siong is a very interesting and inspiring book for me ... off cos .. since he is writing about my roots .. agreeing with him -- not much has been written about the Foo Chow people in Sitiawan. This is a book that all Foo Chows of Sitiawan must read to understand and appreciate our roots and rich heritage ...

I would just like to highlight and connect with some facts in this book that rings a bell to me :

Sample of photos sent home to Fuzhou relatives ..
with the backdrop of rubber trees

a) Rubber tappers
I have always thought that Sitiawan was a rubber plantation area where our ancestors came to Sitiawan to "dig" for gold thru the rubber plantations. It never cross my mind that it all started as a plan to plant paddy .... and somehow this does ring a bell through the stories that Dad used to tell me when I was very very young ... of how the Government will give us land to plant paddy ... though I have not personally met a FooChow family that plants paddy. But I also have heard of Mom and Dad working in the paddy fields during Japanese Occupation or at least long long time ago when Mom was small. But I could never understand and comprehend or connect with the stories Dad told me till I read the book.

Almost everybody tapes rubber. Mom and Dad started their marriage and family life by tapping rubber. Mom have always vowed that she does not want her daughters to be married into rubber tapper family cos that will mean that we will also be rubber tappers. Out of 6 of Mom's children, only one knows the art and skill of tapping rubber. My only memory and perhaps experience of it was to collect the latex milk when I was maybe 10 or 11 years old in our plantation in Kpg Koh. But that was only for a short time.

Sitiawan Estate .... my once upon a time neighborhood

b) Estates
The rubber estates are just so familiar. I personally was born when our family moved to Sitiawan Estate. Yes, we got friends who lived in Bintang Estate - Gloria, Susie's Dad had a mango plantation in Bintang Estate and Aunty used to live in Bintang Estate before she move to Tmn Guru. Think it was from standard 4 or 5 till 6 that I've got a classmate, Evelyn Lian, who's Dad is the Estate Manager of Suffolk Estate. Remembering visiting her house - very English cottage style with a swimming pool.

Sungei Wangi Estate is not that "wangi". The smell from the factory that processes the rubber can be quite a smell .... Remembering passing by the estate on the old road from Sitiawan to Ayer Tawar ... normally as Mom's pillion rider. It's very cooling cos the road actually cuts through the estate. So, along the left and right are rubber trees that gives shade. But in the night, it can be different story -it can be "cooling"or "cold or chilly" ... :). It's very scary at night cos we need to pass by the huge graveyard and the road used to be very dark cos no street lights. There were also lots of accidents - instant death and ghost stories from the old road between Sitiawan to Ayer Tawar, nearing Sungei Wangi area. A little girl riding at the back of her Mom's motorbike always imagines that she will be pulled away by some huge cold unknown figure or by some black monster in the night. So, the little gal will hold her Mom super tight as we approach this place. I also recall Mom used to take the shortcut from Simpang Tiga (from the road next to the "hong-moon" or the "smoke house" that processes rubber in Spg Tiga). We will pass the rubber estate, the estate worker's houses and come out at the main entrance of the estate. But Mom seldom takes that road later cos the road is in bad condition with potholes, especially on rainy season. But I know that 3rd Aunty always use that way to Ayer Tawar or Sitiawan.

There is also an estate call Pundut Estate. It's half way from Sitiawan to Lumut ... the primary school is still there.I used to have a classmate from this estate when I was in standard one. i will always remember her cos she is very small in size - short but she had a huge belly. It seems she eats sand and soil from the ground. Perhaps her family was really poor that as a child she was malnourished and hence, to kill her hunger she just eat sand. I know she died later cos she stopped coming to school and became very ill. It's so sad ... the families in living in the estates are really living in the very bare basics of life. Lastly, there was a Revathi -- SM's classmate whom they will visit every Depavali.

c) The "cangkul aunties"
I don't have never heard of the aunties who sell water from the famous well in Kpg Koh -- maybe cos I lived in Sitiawan town or Simpang Ampat all my life but I do remember the aunties who came to our house when I was little to manually "plough" our land at the back of our house so that we can grow vegetables or was it tobacco or chilies that Dad was growing. These aunties are from Spg Dua, late 40s-50s perhaps. Their job is to go from farm to farm offering the service of clearing the farm with their cangkul. Armed with a cangkul, huge straw hat, hand gloves, long sleeve and pants, rubber shoes, a silver color water canister and their simple lunch packed on the huge old bicycle.

They work in teams of 5-7 ladies and besides gossiping, they will also recite or sing short poems or idioms in Kutien. They will work for a couple days in a row to complete their task.

O yes, we are the Kutiens of Sitiawan - since both Mom and Dad are from the Spg 2 and Spg 3 settlement which is known as the Kutien area.

d) Methodist Church
Ahh .... now I know why I am a Methodist. :0 ... I am the product or the fruit of the Methodist mission seed that was sown in Sitiawan in 1903. Since we lived in Sitiawan town, I attended the Methodist Church (Tamil), Simpang Ampat. But off course, we attended the English service - the church building was shared with 2 other congregation. Our English congregation is the Sitiawan Wesley Church where we eventually moved to our own building in the early 1990.

But the Simpang Ampat church building is quite nice and cute ... and even the parsonage.... I recall, Esther and her hub's wedding .... it was soooo cool and grand. The hub was a major in the Navy and after the wedding ceremony, they were greeted by navy officers with swords .. they walked thru it ... so cool right ...

e) Yong Peng & Nabon Nakonsri
The guy who is said to move to Yong Peng from Sitiawan is Yu Teck Pook ... I just feel that he must be one of my relatives from Mom's side ... actually Grandpa's somebody somebody ..since Grandpa's name is also Yu Teck something something ...

Anyway ... Nabon is really close to our family since our 1st aunty was married off at a young age to a guy from Nabon. I have not personally been to Nabon but from all the stories Mom or others who have been there visiting our relatives - Nabon is a small rubber plantation village ... something like Simpang Tiga ... and the place is quite remote ... Our cousins speaks Kutian with a different accent, but they speak fluent Thai and have Thai names. I remember hanging out with them in my teens and I asked one of them to write something ... hohoho ... his handwriting is all so curly like Thailand writing ... Today, we still have relatives in Nabon but many of them have moved to bigger cities like Bangkok. Most of them are now involved in running their own business.

f) Ong Boon Hua
I attended Our Lady's Convent School for almost 10 years and our school is located next to a green wooden double storey house which is said to belong to Ong Boon Hua's family. I remember a girl from the family -- she is younger than me. Eventually, I make friends with a friend who is his niece. But we never discuss family matters.

I also recalled during the funeral of the grandmother of the family .. I was perhaps in my early teens. It was a schooling day .. so I get to see a little of things since the our school is just next to it. Besides the grief that is in the air ... one can also sense tension in the air ... as there was a huge crowd ... including reporters and police. It was rumored that CP came home for his Mom's funeral disguised as an old lady .... after reading the Biographical sketch of OBH in the book, my heart aches for him if he did not manage to come home to pay his last respect for his precious Mom and my heart aches even more for his Mom who "lost" the gem of her heart ...

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Sitiawan may be a small tiny town .. with a group of simple hardworking people but indeed it is a town that had birth many "warriors" in the fields they are in ... all over the world ... yes ... all over the world ... making impact in the community that we are in .... and I am proud that I am born in Sitiawan ... and proud to belong to this rich Christian heritage community ....

The Foochows of Sitiawan - 2

2011-02-21T23:11:00.000-08:00

I found another article in my google search. It's an article found in NST Travel section. So, the following article is taken from it in : http://travel.nst.com.my/Current_News/TravelTimes/article/HeritageCulture/20050509102847/Article/index_html

+++++++++++

Foochow Pioneers of Sitiawan

DIANA YEOH

Foochows in Perak who want to trace their ancestry should go on the Sitia

wan Heritage Trail and visit the Sitiawan Settlement Museum.

IT was an eye-opener for 12 members of the Perak Heritage Society who joined the recent Sitiawan Heritage Trail for the first time. The trip traces the legacy of pioneer immigrants of the Christian Foochow Chinese who arrived in 1903 and for some of the members, it was a good opportunity to discover their own “roots”.

The members, led by PHS vice president Law Siak Hong, were briefed on the history of the Foochows in Sitiawan. They also went on a one-day tour of Kampung Sitiawan, Simpang Dua Tionghua Cemetery Manjung, Sitiawan Settlement Museum (Kampung Koh), Pekan Gurney, Simpang Lima and Ayer Tawar.

The name Sitiawan comes from two words, setia and kawan. But the story behind it is by far more fascinating. It’s about the extraordinary friendship between two elephants used to transport tin ore along the Dindings River near the area in the late 1800s.

The story has it that one of the elephants got stuck in the soft sand of the riverbed. Efforts by men to save it proved futile. But the second elephant refused to let go; it clu ng to its friend and both eventually drowned. In memory of this friendship between the two elephants, the town was named Setia Kawan or loyal friend. Over the years, the term evolved into Sitiawan. On the flip side, the place is also fashionably called City A1 (Sitiawan) by the locals.

In 1903, 363 Christian Foochows (Fuzhou) led by Reverend Ling Ching Mi arrived here from China. It was the Chinese Colonial Government’s second population transplant experiment in the Malay peninsula, following the success of a similar scheme in Sibu, Sarawak in 1901.

The group that arrived in Sitiawan consisted mainly of Kutian, Hockchew, Hockch eng and Henghua. Each was allocated its own agricultural settlement on a 1,000 ha of land in Kampung Cina.

One of the settlements was called Kampung Sitiawan on a tributary of Dindings River. It is a historical spot as this was where the Foochows first landed in Sitiawan.

The settlers grew padi to meet the growing demand for rice due to increase d economic activities in the area during the period.

The long-term objective was to establish a population growth centre for future labour supply to exploit the rich resources of the land.

Unfortunately, the padi programme failed but quick action to switch to rubber sa ved the day. Over the years, the Foochows became a formidable group that spurred commerc ial activities in the area.

In 1999, the Sitiawan Settlement Museum was set up in Kampung Koh in 1999 by the area’s Pioneer Methodish Church (PMC).

Interestingly, and unknown to the public, the museum building was once an old wooden house which was home for the church reverend. It now showcases many old pictures, utensils, bicycles, tools, clothings and antiques once used by the Foochows.

Outside the museum is a well which supplied water for the Foochows for 30 years as there was no piped water then. Next to the museum stands the Pioneer Methodist Church, a majestic building in the shape of a “cross” originally built in 1904. It was burnt down in 1906 and rebuilt in 1907. Near the church is the grave of Reverend Ling.

The Sitiawan Settlement Museum is located at K-6, Jalan Chen Mei, Kampung Koh. Call 05-6920612 (opening hours from 9am to 5.30 pm, and entry is by appointment only).

p/s : the photos are taken by Uncle J in Dec 2010

The Foochows of Sitiawan - 1

2011-02-21T22:19:00.000-08:00

The books which I have heard of for so long at last came to my hands 2 weeks ago thru Lyn. As usual before I write my comments on it ... I googled ... and this is what I found ... and as usual ... I kiasu.... cut paste what I found into my blog for I fear one day the site cannot be found and the info is lost .... so I got to credit that the following article is from - http://www.kirkbyites.net/1960-61/foochows.htm

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A take on the Foochows

By: Llew-Ann Phang (Sat, 28 Aug 2004)

Known as 'Soldiers of Axes' and sometimes 'Soldiers of Cangkuls' the Foochow people were cajoled to set up home in Malaya by the British at the turn of the last century.

IF YOU ARE in Sitiawan, Perak you may come across some local Chinese speaking a language that sounds almost like Korean or Japanese.

This foreign-sounding language is in fact a dialect spoken by the Chinese clan called the Foochows. When the Foochows migrated here, they first settled in Sitiawan.

Sounding rather different from the typical Mandarin, Hokkien or Cantonese, the Foochow dialect comes across as somewhat slurred and gentler than the other tongues.

The Foochow community is also found in Yong Peng and Batu Pahat in Johor and in Kuching, Sarawak.

Aiming to help Malaysians become more familiar with his community, Shih Toong Siong (left), an educationist, set out on a mission to collect bits and pieces of data on the community.

Shih, 65, who is vice-principal of the Jalan Sentul Wesley Methodist School, started gathering the information 20 years ago.

His efforts culminated in six months of writing which resulted in a book entitled The Foochows of Sitiawan: A Historical Perspective.

Shih recounts that he endured two heart attacks, several heart surgeries and a lot of "agony" to complete this pet project.

Described as a "labour of love" by Professor Emeritus Datuk Dr Khoo Kay Kim of the Universiti Malaya History Department, the 340-page book penetrates deep into the lives and times of the Foochow community who were called "Soldiers of Axes" and "Soldiers of Cangkuls" as they pitched into working the land on the "invitation" of the British.

Embarking on his journey with hardly any written records for reference, Shih drew inspiration and encouragement from Khoo who told him to take the first step and to look at his work as research.

"I am thankful for managing to get some information from here and there. I sometimes had to slash my way through graveyards with a parang and a camera in search of my ancestral history.

"My mother called me mad but I merely told her I was looking for my roots," Shih said. He feels grateful that in the 1980s, he had the opportunity to interview some octogenarians and nanogenarians over a cup of kopi-o, because they passed on not long after he met them.

It was Shih's father who had prompted him to write the book, lamenting the lack of records on the Foochows' roots in this country.

"He threw me a challenge to research the roots of our clan and I responded. I hope the book serves as an anchor and adds flavour to the cultural melting pot of Malaysia," he said.

Shih pays tribute to his wife of 40 years Ching Hia Kong, a retired teacher, for bearing with him through his labour.

"She stood by me through all my weaknesses and shortcomings. I would not have any other to lean on."

Although he faced tricky financial moments while writing the book, he pushed on, travelling around Malaysia and abroad in search of information about the Foochow clan.

In Malaysia, famous Foochows include former Transport Minister and MCA head Tun Dr Ling Liong Sik, deputy Science, Technology and Innovation Minister Datuk Kong Cho Ha and also Communist Party of Malaya secretary-general Ong Boon Hua, better known as Chin Peng.

Rice-planting pioneers keep the faith

The Pioneer Church is the flagship of the Chinese Methodist Mission in Sitiawan. It was built in 1927 and is the fourth building. The first was a thatched-roof hut built in 1903. The second church which was built in 1905 was burnt down in a bush fire and the third was demolished in the sixties. It was replaced by the current Sunday School Complex (pix). The tower was added in 1905.

THE FOOCHOWS had emigrated in a "population transplant" from China to Sitiawan in 1903.

Travelling to Malaya, a place they called the "promised land" they hoped to return to China rich.

The Methodist Episcopal Mission was selected and commissioned to undertake this project which the British colonial administration financed.

In his book, Shih explained that the Foochows were identified as the rice-growing community and the land alienated for this purpose was in Sitiawan.

In 1901, a similar group from Foochow settled in Sibu, Sarawak, led by Wong Nai Siong. They called Sibu "Sin Hockchew" or New Foochow.

In China, Foochow has 10 sub-districts -- Pingnan, Kutian, Minqing, Yungtai, Minhow, Futzing, Mashu, Cheng le, Lianjiang and Luoyuan.

The clan were fervent Methodist Christians and had held up through thick and thin during their stay in Malaya. They established schools and the Pioneer Methodist Church in 1927.

The original intention of establishing a Chinese settlement in Sitiawan was to grow rice. The settlers did not have the slightest idea of planting rubber. With hardly any rice planted, they survived on cash crops and pig farming.

Three persons played a significant role in getting the Foochow settlers to start rubber planting in Sitiawan -- Perak Chinese Affairs Officer W. Cowan, Guarantor of Perak-MEMO Agreement Foo Choo Choon and Rev W. E. Horley.

"The Methodist Mission acquired some 200 acres (80.94ha) styled under the Sitiawan Mission Plantation in addition to the 10 acre church lot (4.047ha) and the 50-acre (20.23ha) orphanage acquired in 1905.

"The rubber trees were in full production by 1915, the prosperity of the Foochow rubber smallholders were described as most remarkable," said Shih in his book.

He said the Foochows then went on to build a new Anglo-Chinese school and a seven acre (2.833ha) plot of land was even acquired for a hospital.

"Today, Sitiawan is considered a Methodist stronghold with churches in almost every village.

"Kampung China, the Methodist Mission Concession, remains the rock of Methodist Christiandom - there is yet a non-Christian temple to breach the Christian fortress at this locality as Sitiawan continues to support the Mehodist church in producing outstanding leaders, pastors and even Bishops in the Methodist hierarchy.

"In the field of education the number of schools dotting the district reflects the priorities of these earlier pioneers.

"Likewise, teachers also tapped rubber before donning respectable clothes and cycling to school.

"Even going to both English and Chinese schools on the same day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon just as Chin Peng did -- such was their lifestyle.

"Despite the limited opportunities in Sitiawan, many made good through sheer hard work and a fighting spirit to become successful educationists, businessmen and politicians in both Malaysia and Singapore," said Shih.

"The pioneering spirit of the forefathers lives on. The younger generation must learn about the past to appreciate the hard work of their people and the spirit that propelled them forward.

"The contributions of the Foochow to this country are tremendous. They have given so much to this country and yet so little is known about them."

Shih's book is priced at RM49 and is available through the office of another popular Foochow businessman, Tan Sri Ngan Ching Wen, president of the Manjung District Kutien Association. He can be contacted at 05-672 2003.

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Bill Wilson's Quote ...

2011-02-17T21:49:00.000-08:00

"You don't get strength for the battle, you get strength from the battle"

Have been listening day in and day out Bill Wilson's sermon which is found in Cornerstone Community Church in Spore and in one of his sermons, he made this million-dollar statement.

Like what Joan, Li and May say, no matter how hard and how much they prepare themselves to face the death of Aunty, they are still not prepared when it happen. But when it happen ... all of them went through it, coming out with new strength to face the tomorrows ....

I guess if we can get strength for the battle, then we dont need to go thru the battles because more often than not, the battles that we face in life are tools used by God to draw us closer to Him (else we will be too busy enjoying life and running crazy after life) and tools to refine and purify us ...

Yes, it is through the battles in life that we will indeed merge out stronger spiritually, emotionally and mentally.

... Hey ... It's Chap Goh Meh ....

2011-02-17T00:16:00.000-08:00

Pix of the lake at Tasik Jaya, Section 10, PJ ... on CGH celebration

Long time ago when we lived in Taman Jaya section 10, PJ ... Chap Goh Meh is one of the days that we dread because it will jam up the road to our house -- since it's an old housing area, the road to our homes are very narrow ... and the cars parked along side our houses makes it even more difficult. Sometimes we cant even get into our house ....

We had many memories of Tasik Jaya ... in the evenings if we get early back from work, we will take Muriel and Jovita for a walk in the lake ... there used to be a publick phone booth in the park and there was once I used it without realizing that someone stuck gums in the handle of the phone which stuck to my hair!!! There also trained there for our KK hike .... since there is not only place to jog .. round the lake but also exercise equipments.

Anyway ... living in Tmn Jaya for 3-4years ... think there was one year we (LN and I) did walk to Tmn Jaya to see the whole commotion of CGM celebrations ... after all, since people come from all over just to celebrate it, we must also check it out for ourselves .... low and behold .. we found the park jammed packed with people and decorated with lanterns that lighted up the place. And one interesting fact I found out is the throwing of oranges into the lake by single ladies and she will find her suitor if her orange is picked up. LN used to joke that we should throw the balance or left over oranges in our homes into the lake ... hahahha .... no wonder tak jadi kahwin2 till now cos we throw in left overs :0 ...

I googled on this festival and guess what I found? ..... just to add this into my blog to remind me of the rich culture of my roots .... the following is plucked from this site : http://www.thingsasian.com/stories-photos/2538

Since m not able to go back there to take some shoots ... so, I just curi some interesting pix as memories of the celebration in a place where I call home for 3-4years.

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Chinese kids love New Year celebrations. It is a celebration full of festive cheers, good food, and not forgetting, the many ang paus (red packets that married folks give to the unmarried ones) that come our way. It was even more wonderful that Chinese New Year last a whole good fifteen days. Usually, the celebrations would have died down considerably by the tenth day for my family; however, that is not the end to a wonderful start of a new year.

On the fifteenth day of Chinese New Year, technically the final day of the festival, is a day known as Chap Goh Mei. In the Hokkien dialect, Chap Goh Mei simply means "the 15th night of Chinese New Year". Aside from being tagged as the last day, Chap Goh Mei is also known as the Chinese Valentine's Day. On a celebratory point of view, this night sees the gathering of family members as they sit down to a meal together. Offerings and prayers are also held on a grand scale on this particular night.

Just like Chinese New Year, Chap Goh Mei is celebrated with lots of fireworks and firecrackers. This much is true for countries that allow the use of these celebratory items. You will also see many homes gaily decorated with red lanterns and bright lights to mark the end of an auspicious occasion. In temples, thanksgivings are held while many people would be asking for the God of Prosperity to endow them with success and wealth for the coming year.

In some parts of town, you will also be able to witness cultural performances, lantern displays, lion dances and the famous Chingay (flag-balancing) procession. On a legendary point of view, Chap Goh Mei being regarded as the Chinese Valentine's Day, also brings forth lots of fun and gaiety. It is well-known that Chap Goh Mei is a night of courtship and has since been the forerunner in promoting match-making. On this night, many young ladies would make their way to the temples, dressed in their best, with hope of finding prospective suitors.

One of the fun activities that take place on this auspicious night includes the throwing of oranges into the sea by these young maidens. It is without a doubt, the most popular and colorful moment in the history of Chap Goh Mei. It is believed that by throwing tangerines into the sea, these young girls would find themselves a good husband. For many, the act of throwing tangerines into the sea also signifies that these women are available for marriage. It is also said that if someone else who sees the floating tangerine in the water and picked it up, that generally means that the single who threw it would be able to find a good spouse.

Funnily, while many of us may have imagined that such a tradition is passed forth from China, it is strangely not. In fact, this interesting practice originated from a little Malaysian island known as Penang. This took place some time towards the end of the 19th century. On a yearly basis, a large crowd would flock to the Esplanade thus jamming up the roads badly. On top of that, tangerines are sold at an exorbitantly high price but then again, who says romance is cheap?

Another story of the Chinese Valentine's Day also states that this is the only day in the whole year that young maidens are allowed to stroll the streets. However, they must be accompanied by a chaperon. Knowing this fact, many young men would gather around with hope of catching glimpses of these lovely maidens. According to the legend, there will be a matchmaker from the moon who would tie red strings of destiny on their legs. As a result, the couple will end up being together.

Although "young maidens" flock the streets freely these days thus the matchmaker from moon is not exactly needed anymore, yet the tradition of throwing tangerines into the sea still prevails. While many no longer believe in the legend, yet it is still a fun thing to do or observe. Sadly, not many people in the big cities are practicing this custom anymore. However, the tradition prevails nonetheless.