Eve of Seven Fountain ....

As I prepare to go for my silent retreat .... my thoughts are all over .... all i know ... m feeling tired ... guess I really need to get away to be Mary once again .... being Martha is so much easier than Mary cos we can just go on and on doing things, one after another ... pushing things out, going thru the motions and yet not really connect with ourselves and connect with God .... if we continue to be Martha, we will be lost in the sea of things and activities .... amounting to ashes at the end ... n THE main this is ... we will loose ourselves and ultimately even God .....

Being Martha is the best way of running away from dealing with issues ... or struggles that we may have .... being Martha is the weapon the Satan use to draw us away from ourselves and God ... being Martha is a form of escapism ... being Martha may be an outward facet of an inner or deeper issue ... for example, savior mentality that has roots in low self esteem or striving for acceptance which may be related to rejection ...

I have been a Martha long enough that many times I do not know how to be Mary once again ... there is a sense of restlessness within me .... because my vision and action has been diversified and expended .... I need to be a river instead of a flood .... and jump into the river ... and enjoy the cool water ....yup .... I love the sound of water and the sound of river ... the one in Camp5, Mulu .... sweet memories ...

Anyway, God knew that I needed this silent retreat .. He provided me this place (http://www.thesevenfountains.org/content/view/10/35/lang,en/) and the money!!!! 30mins after I said to myself that it is too much to ask God to give me money for a silent retreat cum hols .... an sms came to say that he wants to give me money .. this is a testimony of how God will go out to seek His sheep and draw them into His arms ....

This is not my 1st time doing silent retreat but it is my 1st time doing one -- 7 days!! and with a spiritual director ... and it is my 1st time going to a Catholic monastery ... when I told Dot, she seriously tot that after TTC, the next step is to be a nun! hahhaha ... LN worry I am alone and silent for 7 days .... she thinks I'll go mad ...lol .... concern friends ...

But ..... “Silence is a means of increasing awareness of God’s presence.”

So, pray that I will encounter God .... and know clearly the next season that I will enter into ...