The Amos Challenge

Yesterday I preached my 1st draft of sermon in Homiletics class. The passage : Amos 5:18-24 - the 1st woe oracle and writings of warning and destruction, God's hates our worship. Not an easy text to deliver. It was a 20min sermon and according to Sammy's experience, 20min needs 2400 words and a 30min sermon needs 2600 words. He's quite accurate - my script was 2425 words and I took 18min!

Bobby, Kim Hock, Steven Lee, Samadi and King Ping was in the same group preaching along side with me. As usual, Ah Lian is busy setting up the "camera" - his handphone and then later pass the file to us ... efficient.

Some thoughts on this experience :
a) Experience and background of a person does make a difference.
There is similarity by the way Bob and KHock preach ---- traces of City Harvest training. M amazed by Kim Hock's preaching -- this man is amazing. He is not only able to expound the text but also connect the text (OT) with Jesus (NT) and on top of that he coated it with lots of quotes, sayings and also illustrations .... humor ....eeemmm ... and he does not refer much to his text --charismatic speaker. One can detect the similarity between KHock and Bob - CT Harvest mold. I as enjoyed KPing's message and style, but different from the other two based on his exposure and background.

From the list of people preaching yesterday, there is a clear difference in the people who have been preaching and those who do not have the experience in preaching. I for sure do not have much experience in preaching - still needs to work hard on this ... I still have much to improve in style, articulation, expressing my thoughts clearly and making it interesting ... preaching in some ways has also got to do with skill - public speaking and teaching. Having said that, I also believe that God have a soft spot for weaknesses. Only when we are weak, we get desperate with God to ask Him to help us, making us dependent on Him and not on ourselves.

b) Preaching is tiring business
After "preaching"or reading my 10page script. Yes, I feel so drained and tired. Why I wonder ... no wonder John Sung's request in the home that host his stay during his preaching and teaching assignments - is that the host has to prepare him kampung herbal chicken soup. He needs the extra boaster of energy and I guess those days, supplements and vitamins have not found their way into the global market.

To preach, one has not only prepare spiritually, emotionally, mentally but also physically -- we need physical strength to be able to carry the Gospel effectively.

c) My message & thoughts
I think and ponder, reflected and wondered what and how I will preach from Amos 5. After all, I am the 4th person preaching from the same text. But at the end, what I wanted to share from my reflection is just 2 points :
i) What if we are asked by God to carry an Amos message - a message of rebuke, a message of confrontation to repeated unrepentant sin, injustice .... what would our response be? Will we walk away and ignore the truth, pretending nothing happen? Or will we be bold and obedient like Amos?

ii) God hates outward worship ..... what God desires in inward. True worship comes from obedience and not sacrifices. True worship comes with circumcised heart. A true worshiper of God will reflect God's glory through transformation of life.

Question : Is there any hidden sin that we need to deal with or a part in our life that we need to change before we leave TTC so that we can step out of the doors of TTC a cleansed and molded vessel leading God's people true worship and not just outward meaningless worship.

O.Chambers

Staleness is an indication of something out of joint with God .. freshness does not come from obedience but from the Holy Spirit, obedience keeps us in the light as God is in the light.


Are you drawing your life from any other source than God Himself? If you are depending upon anything but Him, you will never know when He is gone .....

Kite Fly Kite 2 : His mercies are new every morning

Yesterday, we went to fly kite again. Dr Tu said that it will do me good to get out of my room since I am suppose to be clinically OK but still feel giddy ....

This time, there is more who joined us. Ah Lian was very proud to bring his 2 controlled kite ... which he did not really fly it till the end ... there was about 14 (Kim Chau, Ann, Susanto, Sau Ching, Lian were some of the new ones that joined us) of us .... and many more kites!

The interesting thing was there was this huge kite - a black shark (which we at first mistake it for batman cos its black and white ... until Cep corrected us ....hehhe ) .. This kite was huge and heavy but could soar high .... the string was also very long ... and wound around a paper roller that looks like a toilet paper roll (dono where Tu got it from - his toilet??) Anyway ... the interesting thing is ... when the kite soars high and the wind blows, you can actually hear the sound of the wind from the paper roller! Fascinating and amazing to be able to behold the sight and sound of this simple toy! I was one of the blessed one to experience it.

It was getting dark and almost time for us to go back when Rudy who was hold on to the string of the kite accidentally let the string go. And the boys ran after the kite .... Rudy, Cep and Susanto ... off course the girls just stood to watch and cheered our brothers (eerr ... screamed actually). Hero Cep eventually manage to grab the string when he jumped to reach it!! Hehehe ... thank God, else it'll be another casualty for our kites cos I tore one when the kite (a fish) tangled in the air with Pei Yi's kite and Rudy (again??) accidentally (again??) flew the kite high but cos the the change of wind, it got caught in the branches. So, our favorite bird kite had to be left behind.

As the guys was chasing after the kite, 2 thoughts came to mind :

a) In my previous blog on kite flying .. I mentioned that our life is like kites soaring free in the sky but the key is to ensure that we connected to God through the string and the string must be controlled by God. (http://ing-xpressionsherenthere.blogspot.com/2010/01/fly-kite-fly.html) Then again, sometimes, in our lives, we get disconnected from God and want to be free from the control of God ....we think that we can enjoy life even more and live better but we fail to see the dangers ahead and around us because our sight is limited ..... God in His great love and mercy for us will always call us and draw us back to Him - by send us His angels or people to help us to bring us back to Him (like the 3 guys). Lamentations 3:21-26 :

"Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD"

For those of us who have freed ourselves from God or lost our way and do not know how to come back, let's wait quietly for His salvation again, hope in Him ... for His mercies and compassion is new every morning .... great is Thy faithfulness o Lord to us .....

b) The song : Bagaikan Layang2 Putus Tali-Nya sung by Alleycats came to my mind. Yes, I do listen and enjoy Malay songs especially in the 80s and Alleycats is one of my favorite group that I listen to.

p/s : the photos are on "loan" from Andreas ... :0

Surviving Your First Year As Pastor - Angie Best Boss

I have to don a presentation from this book coming Mon. So I have no choice but to read the entire book. But the book is thin ... so, ok la ... can be read in the bus or toilet ..... 10 chapters .. it covers :

a) Knowing what you are getting into .... hahahha .... basically it is preparation of what we are getting into -- ie to be a pastor of new church. This section does more of a mental preparation -- as one goes around getting background info about the church and community that the person will be going to.

b) First things first ... moving on ... I guess the author tries to give a bearing to a person who is thrown into a new place-- what to do and where to start . I like the advise given by the author that when we are new, try not to do any changes. Many come into a new pasture and try to fix what seem not right by introducing change and change almost immediately. Here I would really appreciate respect and understanding of the current and historical situation before change is introduced -- hence, change to be introduced after 1 year is better idea. I also like the powerful statement that we must earn the right of being a pastor. A pastor has only the right to preach until other rights earned ..... :0

c) Putting things in order - this section is an important section and huge area - time management and touching the sensitive area of how much will the pastor be paid and the benefits ... from working experience, I normally do not like to discuss this area and I am still wondering if I need to discuss this .... I am not convinced by the author. However, the section of time management and juggling the time between sermon preparation, counseling, church meetings, admin work, other church activities and family time - I felt that justice have not been done in this section and wish more could have been done.

d) Visitations - home and hospital - I do believe that this area is taught in the seminary but perhaps is good to go thru the points like a crash course of visitation ethics etc. Couple with this, the (f) section - effective keys to counseling comes handy and again, all this would have been covered in courses like pastoral care or crisis management. With this, off course its good to be reminded that we are journeying together with our congregation - at their birth, baptism, marriage and death ....

e) Preparation of Sunday Service - I find this area quite helpful .. especially for someone who is new and dono know how to handle and where to start planning for the CE of the church.

f) Balancing Family time - depending on culture, society and location of the church .. I find that the proposals rather ideal .... having said that --- if it can be done ... like coming home for dinner ... it will be excellent cos I have not seen a pastor rushing home for dinner appointment with the family for a very long time.

g) The last 2 areas deal with issues of how to maintain our well and keeping it from running dry ... the phase is : the spiritual condition of our church depends on our spiritual life. Yes .. we cannot lead the people to go where we have not gone. Last -- handling conflicts and when to leave ....

If I were to re-name or re-title this book, I will call it Dummies Guide to Be A Pastor.

Though this book has written many good points, I still feel that this book is not balanced ... ie -- it has not touch the area for lady pastors .... how would a lady pastor wear different hats of being a pastor, a wife .. a mother ... a daughter in law ... a daughter .. can we have people writing on these areas as well and break away from the male dominant mentality. The church has also been very silent about single pastors ... how can a pastor carry out the role competently and effectively as a pastor ... as a counselor .... who knows ... perhaps some day I will write a book from this perspective and from Asian context .... :_) who knows what the future holds eh ...

"Old No Go .... New Cannot Come"

This is a Chinese proverb that my dear friend (LN) taught me .. she said, if we don't let go of the old stale relationship, we cannot see the new or the person who is actually for us ... I dono how true is this proverb but it works for my wallet ....

When I got back this term, I notice that my Petshop pouch given by LN to me is quite worn out and dirty ... so, I decided to change to the other red pouch that CC bought for me when she visited Yunan 2 years back. But .. the zip of that pouch broke ... and I had to revert back using the worn out red pouch that looks really like merah jambu now ...

Anyway .... my dear sweet sensitive friend notice how worn out both my pouches are .. she decided to pick up a red Little Miss when she saw one near her house .... I am so touched because she remembered that I needed one decent pouch to use and on top of that she picked my favorite color : ang2!!!LOLz. Then, another friend noticed and said to me yesterday : "how come your pouch is getting younger and younger?" Off course la ... where got people get older and older ... LOLz ... friend here ... friend there .... m so blessed with friends in my life ....

So, now .... in my final semester ... m going round with my red Little Miss .... eeeerrrr .... waiting for my Little Men .... lolz ... 3 years in TTC, 3 punches I used .....

Thanks a lot dear for your little fine touches in my life .... :)

"Clinically OK"

I visited Ah Ming Clinic in Rail Mall yesterday evening cos I was feeling dizzy past 2 days -- the world seem to be spinning and I seemed to be floating around ... NO ... I am not drunk ..:0 Told the dr how I felt ... after checking my eyes, ears .... he certified that I am clinically OK ... there is nothing wrong with me clinically ... but harlo ... I still feel dizzy ... how do you explain that .... something is wrong with me and causing me to feel like this ..and I would like to find out ... (that why I go see the doc, right) ... I asked the dr what medication he can give me ... he said .. med for dizziness ... in my heart ... that's what I have taking in my room past 2 days right ... adui ... anyway I decided to agree to a blood test to see if any of my pallet is low or .. whatever ... it may explain the condition that I am experiencing ... at the end of the visit I paid $59 (!!!! a lot of $$$ for a student to pay) for blood test (which the result will be out in the next few days), a bottle of gastric liquid (cos I told him that my tummy feels bloated), anti-gastric pill and pills for dizziness.

When I come back, I still feel the same ... then Dr Quack Jeng came and visited me ... she korok me ... m red all over .. I felt better and she said "Ing!!!! U wasted $59 for angin??!!!" hahahha ... how I know this Javanese Dr Quack is really good ...hehhehe...

Then, when I told the Vietnamese Dr what happen ... he said "I told you so .. but you don't believe me.... and now you waste $59!" Well, he did not tell me that I am clinically OK ... except that "I don't have any pills for you this time.... you just go back and sleep for 5 days and you'll be OK!!" See la the reply I get... pengsan! I was wondering if he said this cos I warned him to give me the proper prescription cos the last time I saw him for milk rash at the corner of my mouth, the V Dr gave me cream for it and say that i will get well after I apply it -- well ... after 3 days ... I had the most kissable lips in college!!! LOL .... (off cos I know its not his fault but choose not to tell him that time .... hehehhe ....it was the explosion of kimchi-coffee milk-wasabi nuts in me while watching Baihu series!!!)

2 things come to my mind as I ponder over this little episode of my life :
1) What are the symptoms that a relationship is sick ... and needs CVR before one finally walks out or signs the divorce papers.

Today, at 3pm, my friend finally will walk to her lawyer's office to sign join petition for divorce and petition for the right for her 2 kids after 15 years of marriage. The marriage hit rocks-bottom 4 years ago and she had been hanging on to it till finally she threw in the white towel, to agree with the hub for a divorce.

2 days ago, I heard news of yet another marriage on the rocks ...

Yes, I do have to agree with Felix that the grass is always greener on the other side .. those not married is desperately wanting to get married and those married wants to get out ....

Question that looms over my mind past few days is : what does it really takes to make a relationship work? Why don't people be as responsible and as eager as they were on their wedding day and courtship time to sit down and really talk, find out what is the problem openly and work towards restoring the sick area of the relationship before one wakes up one day and realise the relationship is already at terminal stage. Lord have mercy on all those who are going through relationships that are sick .... sick physically, emotionally, physically .. Lord have mercy on them and their families ....

The grass is not greener on the other side .... its is our pasture that needs to be tended, cared,loved, watered .... pruned .. so that our pasture looks greener than the other side .... and this takes lots of energy, effort, time and sacrifice .... May God bless your hard labor in your pasture ....

2) Are we aware of the warning signs that something is not right with our relationship with God?
Are we aware of the warning signs that something is wrong with our relationship with God and if we seem the warning signs, what do we do with it?

Like our physical health, our spiritual health when sick also will have symptoms of sickness like arrogance, unteachable spirit, complaining, nagging .... victim mentality, no meaning in life, emptiness in heart, restlessness, roaming spirit, driven ... the list goes on .... Its very easy of us to live in denial or just ignore the warning signs ... but ... before the truth surfaces, let's face and deal with the truth ...

I pray that we will be sensitive to take stock of our spiritual life, our emotions, our relationships .... our life, reflect, review before our Maker and allow Him to come into our spirit, our emotions, our relationships to heal, to mend, to discipline ... to restore ..... remember, at the end of our journey, we all face the same door... the door of eternal life or eternal death .... our choice will determine which path we will take after that door .... Our Maker is waiting to lead us to His Door .... won't you let His lead you and guide ... to His pastures ... and allow Him to heal, restore, mend our tangled lives, renew our tangled mind-sets and fill us afresh with His love, peace and joy ..... no matter what situation you are in right now .... He sure loves you and cares for you .... He is our Healer :0

Pre CNY Class Gathering ... Uncle Steven's House

This is the uniqueness of my class ... every term, we will to organize outings and gatherings as a class ... just to hang out and chill ... but the our favorite type of hangout is actually in one of our classmate's home .... and we have very kind and hospitable local classmates who have opened their home to us. A tribute to David Ho, Samuel Lee, Pris .... and Dan who has opened their homes before. For CNY, Jelin, Ah Lian and Pei Yi has also open their homes. We are a "homely" batch of people ...:)

This time around, Uncle Steven offered his home to us ... his home plus sponsoring a buffet lunch for us.We felt so honored and touched by his hospitality and generosity ... he has been with us in year one till now .. but he will not grad with us because he's a part time student ... juggling a part time work that takes him to Cambodia every month, studies and ministry. Uncle Steven has a very nice double story corner lot house .... huge ... big garden with 2 fish pond - one for koi, another for guppy.

We had 2 teams leaving different time from TTC ... Susanto's team left at 930am!!! and mine 1030am (cos we are lazy) ... Susanto's team was too early ... so he had a chance to enjoy Star Bucks for the first time in his life with Bapak Rudy. My team was 30mins late ..:)

We met Lian Kor who was our guide .... he is volunteered to walk us from Tanah Merah MRT - servanthood in action cos he made few trips and also arranged the food for us ... :) ... tats our Ah Lian ... thanks Lian Kor ... another name Lian Kor identified as is Lu-Lian-Kuan .... (hehhe ... this is a private joke from the Methodist Retreat). [if you think that the Dad - Ah Lian is farni and crazy .... wait till u met his cute charming son!!!!]

It was a HOT day ... so Ah Lian .. he proudly opens his umbrella and offer it to Tu (he scare be become dark .. vain2...) .. and here Jeng and Pris went undercover in a "veil" from Fuji.

Anyway ... we arrived at the house and had great fun and mum2 .. the speciality - dried Spore laksa and their soon kueh ... their sambal also rocks! We ate to our hearts content except that our thirst was not "whole-ly" quenched.

Net2 ... as long as it comes to food and "drinks" ... our class will always be united in one agreement! Have say a HUGE thank you to all who have opened their homes to us and avail your kitchens for us to hang out, chill and makan!!!!

TTC Methodist Student Retreat

Our faithful room-mate who travels to more countries then me ............ but needs a shower .. hehehhe ..:-)


This is our final time attending Methodist Retreat ....

Every year, the Methodist Chaplain of TTC will organize a retreat for us, students and this is my 3rd time attending it ...

The first 2 years was in NATLY. The first year was organized by Angie's batch and last year was by my batch. We had great fun organizing it .... Sam was a very good leader, hard working ... pulling us and putting us, his team and the whole retreat into place. Pris was GREAT thinking of all the crazy2 games to play ... it was bashed up FUN! ..

Memories from last year & last year's organizing comm ....

This year, the experience was different .. off cos, the place is also different ... but the place where we went this year is just 5mins drive from TTC ... its very serene and quiet ... :) ... Bishop Solomon and Dr Wilfred Ho's message was smashing! Challenging!!! It's a warning .... But also encouraging ....

It's amazing how the lesson from my QT in the morning was "... service is the overflow of superbounding devotion; but profoundly speaking, there is no call to that, it is my own little actual bit and is the echo of my identification with the nature of God. God gets me into a relationship with Himself whereby I understand His call, then I do things out of sheer love for Him on my own account" (O.Chambers).

Our service (ministry) is the outcome or outpouring of our relationship, our devotion, our love and our passion for God.

I am reminded that I have to be intentional -- in my love and relationship with God. Aunty to me last Sun when I visited her that if I cannot intentionally connect myself to God and draw from Him daily ... let Him be my source .... I may as well not go into full time ministry ....

Hence, Bishop Solomon's message was a message that God had planted in my heart past whole week. I have to be intentional in my walk with the Lord. I have to intentionally keep my flame and love affair with Him burning by intentionally spending time with Him ... the enemy do not want our whole heart and life ... he wants us bit by bit ... by the time we know it ... we are already at decay stage! From personal experience, I say that the enemy will not give us poison to eat but will give us candy or chocolate to eat but inside the candy or chocolate ... its poison ... by the time we finish sucking the candy .... its already too late ... the poison already went into our blood stream .

The peak for the retreat for me (or at least Pris, Li and I) is the final "surprise" night ... we wanted to find out what was the surprise but Raymond refuse to tell us ... we threatened him that if he don't want to tell us ... we will "surprise" by not attending the session ... :0 ... but off course, we were pleasantly "surprise-ed" by him and God .... we had a solid one full hour of just worship and then intercession ... Pris, Li and I cornered the back of the room .. it was "raining heavily" at the back of the room right from the 1st song in the worship to the end ... and when Raymond asked us the pray for the nation we come from ... oooo .... it "thundered" and "stormed". I really broke down and wept for my nation .... confirmed ... I know in my heart that my time is over here ... I need to go home .. I need to go back to my country .... something is happening in my country ... I need to increase my intercession for my land ... God is visiting my nation and part of my call is to be there ... to be part of the team when revival takes place! I am coming home ..... if no one is the watch man for the home, city or country ... it who will give warning when the enemy comes to attach and to plunder the home/city/country?

"I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none. (Eze 22:30) --- I am reminded of this verse and my commitment to God few years back .....

After this time, we had a hilarious session .... oooo ..... we laughed so much till our tummy feels that its bursting .... I have to say that my cute classmate ... He's the hero man!! He is super good in imitating and acting out lecturers .... the best part is ... he gladly does it to entertain us ... and oh yes, he's also a "good" dancer ... every year sure kena go up the stage to perform! Susanto! We will always remember you ... thanks for making us laugh so much and for being so super sporting!

Li, Pris and I ended the night .. the 3 of us praying in our room and we cried again ... :0

The feeling is awesome and yet quite tiring ... from crying to laughing to crying .... but the feeling is GOOD!

Dr Wilfred Ho's profound message - what do I want to be -- a swimmer or a floater in God's sea? A swimmer is someone who swims with all his might and talent ... and floater .. is one who floats in God's sea and allow God to lead, guide and enable me to reach my final destination! Question : do I float with God or do I go around busy planning and organizing my life, the ministry ....

Guess .. this is going to be one precious memory that comes with TTC that I will keep in my heart ...

The Blessing of Books On Sale ...

Yesterday, Maria Ling brought out her collection of books to sell to the students in TTC. The books are really cheap .. sold on per page ... ie 2cents per page ... There was a variety of books on sale ... from theological books, commentaries .... missions .... Bibles etc .... though the books are 2nd hand, they are almost as good as new .....

For me .... I have enough of text books and the Lord knows the books that I need and have been eying for quite some time ....... :0 so, now, through this, I am the happy owner of John Bevere books which I have been wanting to buy but they are a little expensive in Malaysia - Bait of Satan by John Bevere .... about RM50+ per book. I bought :

a) John Bevere : Bait of Satan, A Heart Ablaze, Under Cover, The Devil's Door, The Voice of one Crying

b) Seasons under the Sun - stories of grace .. this is for my preaching collection of stories

c) All the Women in the Bible - dono why I pick this up .. well who knows ... someday I might use it and appreciate it

d) The New Inductive Study Bible - New American Standard Bible.This is another thing that I have been looking for. Sure, I have been doing a collection of different versions of Bible but this is a special purchase -- i) the fonts are friendly to my eyes ..:0 ii) I have been hearing what the King James say, The Living and NIV ..... I have been looking for another version to use as my regular Bible reading and wow .... I get this ... 2nd hand --- but the Bible ... not a single page is any marks or lines.... so it is really very very new ... the bonus ... it's a study Bible .... PTL ... I've got a new version to explore as I chew on my daily manna .....


For 8 books .... I only paid $31!

Its a blessing from God indeed ... now .. to find time to read the books! ..:0

Thanks Maria for making this blessing possible .....

Process ......Student Pass

The thing I hate most every beginning of every term is the torture of going through the terrible process of renewing my student pass - every term; ie every 6mths!!!!

The process of renewing your student pass if you are a lady student (see - Singapore is sexist and practice gender discrimination ) :

a) by the end of the semester, we are to fill in 2 forms to apply our Solar number to our school (one to submit the subjects I took previous semester and my grades, another to certify my class attendance)

b) submit to the school, the school process it and give me a new solar number

c) then we go online ... to submitted our application in .... a whole host of things to fill, and must attached soft copy of foto .. passport type .. with white background. Park it there for the ICA to process and approve. 3 semesters ago I had problem submitting my application cos the last digit of my Malaysian IC indicates that I am a Male. After 3 times applying it without any problem... now I am having this problem. Off course the last digit error is not mine. It was the error of the clerk who processed my application for IC when I was 18 yrs old (i think) but I had to pay to undo her error that messed legal and official matters in my life (like I may have problem to be legally married because my IC last digit indicates that I am a male) through my birth cert and old IC clearly indicates that I am born a female. Ai .... tats another drama altogether ...

d) We have to wait for the ICA to process the application (which is fine) but in between the time of processing and approval of the application, I need to pay processing fee online ($60 for Malaysia) and issuance fee upon approval ($30)

e) With this, I get a list of documents that I have to bring with me when I physically have to be at the ICA building to complete my application and collect my student pass. With the host of things that I need to bring is ... medical report (submission by random selection by ICA) and a most recent picture taken past 3 months... o yea ... I need to take photo in the ICA building because they need recent photos - last 3 months right ... so, every 6months, the photo I took for previous student pass is expired. (bazir $$$ again ai ....)

My challenge is the - I have go to through this process every 6 months just because I am a female and repeat payment every 6 months - my dear male classmates only need to pay once every 12mths and go through the horror of the process once in 12 months (which is fair).

f) Then comes the random medical report that I need to do. After 2 years, ICA decided that I need to submit a fresh medical report (which is fair) and now, 6months down the road, they decided to pick me up again to include my medical report .... ai .. so I have to go down Satta to do my medical check up, after the process of taking my Xray and blood test, I had to wait for an hour to see a doctor who is simply uninterested in his job to take my pressure and sign off indicting that I am OK. ai ya .... and I have to pray another $48 for this process.

Now my conclusion after 6 rounds of going though this nightmare process, I think that Spore does not welcome students because we cannot generate income into their economy and makes process difficult for lady applicants because it's their task to ensure that "unwelcome ladies" abuse this pass. Hence, I have to bear with this every 6 months ..

Yes, Singapore does not appreciate and welcome me ..... Singapore is not my home-land ..... I will be glad to go back to my "home-land", the place where the Lord had chosen in the very first place. Though my home-land looks like a mess and a circus through physical eyes, but I choose to believe that God is still at work, God works in ways that we cannot see ... let justice roll in Malaysia like a river!!!!! Shalom Malaysia!

...... Fly .... Kite ..... Fly .....

When I say that this is my final term and I really got to fully enjoy and treasure my time in TTC, never in my wildest imagination that I will get to fly kites! YES!!! KITES!!!! It was sooo super fun and funny!!!! Hahhahhaha ..... Li's msn status : "scream like xiao cha bo .. how to be gentle ... but very good feeling leh ...erm... xiao cha bo?gentle?.... K .... choose xiao cha bo .... waahhhaaa" So, u can imagine the fun and noise we had yesterday ..... It's still ringing in my ear "Run Li, run .... run Li ..... "LOL .. yes ... 2 hock-chew ladies like xiao cha bo running and screaming in the plains .... I echo Li's words --- "but very good feeling leh"

Anyway, the gang of us headed out for the Quarry Grass-Land after quick dinner ..... Tu - Dr Kite (the organizer & initiator), Li - the "gentle"one, Jeng - the "smart" one -- dont want to go at first but when hear the names of those going ....quick2 "jump"into our boat, Ah Yi - the one hail from Yale ... (any fellowship time, fun time, makan time, play time ... all want to join), Cep .. the cool one ... (steady bro ... the one who resurrected the dead bird, bring down the arrogant eagle and can fly the kite and talk on the fon at the same time" ... Candy .... the happy one (always happy when go play, shopping and eating... n off cos super happy w new camera ... one show off ... hehehe ... then left cable in Kuching ... now pix all stuck inside the camera...LOL) .... and Andreas ... the big guy (last minute join us ... but no regret right? .. n of cos .. our best photographer)

Thank God it was windy yesterday .... so, we really could fly our kite (at least one of our kites) high2 ... the feeling is AWESOME ... just to hold the string of the kite and letting it "freely" fly where the wind is blowing ... and when the wind direction change or slows down, we have to pull back the string or run to "catch" the wind (off course Tu will also come to rescue us -- "blow" some wind to us).

This is the metaphor of our lives - we are "free" to live our lives ...go to any direction where we the Spirit of the Lord is leading us ... and how do we know where the Spirit of the Lord is leading us .... we sense and discern it like how we sense the direction the wind is blowing. Like the wind, there will be evidences where it is blowing .. we can feel it, our hair will follow the direction where the wind is blowing .... But the most important thing to remember in our journey is that our life, our heart, we must be attached to God and the string must to be held and controlled by God. Then, when there is danger (where the kite may get caught among the branches) ... God will direct us to a safe place ... when the direction of wind is changing - the season of our life is change ... God draw us back closer to Him .... and re-direct us again ... when we are steady .... He will release us to soar high again .... and when our injured or hurt in our journey or when we get tangled up in living .... He will bring us to the ground to untangle us, repair, heal and restore us. Lastly, if we carry too much weight (our past, our worries, our anxieties etc) we cannot soar high, enjoy the view from high above and let our spirit soar as well.

At the end of the day .. like the kite, our Maker will draw is into Him.... draw us back ... it is then we will need to face our Maker .... and make an account of the things that we have seen, places that we have "soared" .. things that we have done ... It will be time then to completely end the season of our journey here .... and cross over to another adventure that our Maker will lead us to eternally .....

Li, this is the lesson I draw from kite flying day ...

Ah Yi said kite flying is like a relationship ..... sometimes we need to let go, sometimes we need to draw close, sometimes we need to change direction .....

"We cant repeat the time God has given us" - this is from the Big Wise Guy.

What is the lesson that you can draw from the adventure of a kite?

Who Love Who More ......

This is a strange thought that I have ... and a strange feeling that I had ....

Last Nov when I was back home I had an experience (not a very pleasant one) with one of the 3 angels in my life. You see, these 3 angels came into my life when they were tiny cute babies and later I associated myself very close with them (too close sometimes perhaps) as almost a mother's role .... and many times, I forgot that these little angels are no longer little. They are adults with their own journey in life and walk with the Lord. I have done my part ... and perhaps tried my best ....

Because of this self elected position ... I guess I also become a little over protective and over powering sometimes .. asserting my thoughts and stand on certain things in their life ... and the overly concern may no longer be welcome any more .... cos times have change .... people change ..... things have change ....

Now .. the little encounter I had blow me out my mind ... and reminded me of a question a friend post to me "isn't it so that in a relationship, normally there is always one party who will love more" ...I did not have an answer for her that time.

But through this little encounter .... I sort of like formed the answer -- YES.... I feel I love my angels more than they love me and cos of that I sometimes feel victimized by my own love for them ..... if I dont love them ... I dont have to feel the hurt ... when I feel that I no longer play an important part of their life ... or my opinion matters anymore .... off course .... this is the sensitive human part of me at work ... pms maybe ... wat to do .... char boh ma ....

Human beings are complicated creatures... most of us always feel better and good when we feel needed, appreciated and important by others .... no matter how hard we can deny it sometimes... The need of feeling needed varies according to different stages of life, our age, our background ... our personalities ..... our entire being and life experiences .....

This brings to mind another saying. Mom always always say this in Kutien..... "mother love her children, don't know if her children love their mother or not ..."Come to think of it ... this sound sooooo familiar now ... hehehhe .... off course whenever she says that ... i always protest and say "your daughter love you, dono if you know out not" .... hehhehe

Guess I have to agree that Mom's saying has a bearing .... I have to say that sometimes I feel that Mom loves me more than I love her. Example, she will phone me all the way from Msia cos she misses me and wants to catch up what's happening in my life. She just called me and is counting the days to CNY and my days to graduation because she will get to see me during CNY and after grad, she will live with me.....but on the other hand, I feel the pressure from statement - because here I am trying very hard to settle down, stress is mounting up with tons of things to do etc .... and she is reminding me how little days I have left ..... aarrrhhh .... m dead meat if clock ticks too fast cos this final lap is a fast tough one ..... my list of things to do and deadlines is getting longer .... I need to settle down to kick my butt to out-put ... not being reminded how close is CNY .. and I get too hol mood ... dont 1 to settle down to study ... adui ...ai .....

My conclusion : different stages of life effect the need of feeling needed. Mom is into her sunset days .... she is struggling to adjust to her sunset years ... such a drastic adjustment ..she is a power lady in the prime of her life, she commands the attention of people that people will listen to her proposal of selling or buying properties, she is known as Broker Queen of Sitiawan ... her description of her suggestions now .... her words fall like a torn old hand held fan .... it no longer cools and gives wind as one fans it ...

Indeed people in their sunset years are not only slowing fading away but they also tremendously feel that they are no longer needed and important ... they are not valued ... I must remind myself to help Mom feel loved, needed and appreciated, valued ..... I do ... but sometimes ... I don't express them too well or too caught up with my own things to be sensitive to her needs.

This brings me to my final point ... reflect now our relationship with God, our Maker and Abba Father .... do you have to agree that He indeed love us much more than we love Him? We love Him because He loved us (1 John 4:19). He loved us so much that He had to send us His only Son who is sinless to be the sacrificial lamb, to suffer and die on the Cross for us so that our sins can be forgiven and washed clean, and be saved from eternal condemnation and death (John 3:16).He has given us the Life of His only Son so that we can have eternal Life too.

Yet, time and again we fall way, walk away from Him, disobey Him ... fail to love Him ..... push Him out of our lives, until our next problem arises ..... or love Him half heartedly ... we choose to compartmentalize our lives and place God in one compartment of our heart ... we still go round and round .... running and managing our lives ... enjoying what we see as harmless pleasures of life .... until our next problem or tragedy strikes .. then we turn to God and ask Him ... why God ... didn't I love you, didn't I do this ... do that for You .. and yet how can You allow this thing to happen to me ... we forget ... God do not owe us anything ..... He has given us His all ... it is us who owe Him lots .... and our lives .... our heart .... our worship..... our devotion .....

And when we have problem ... what do we do? We will try all our strength, our power ... and every channel and avenue to solve the by ourselves ... and only when we can't solve the problem ... we will turn to Him ... how sad .... now put ourselves in God's shoes and try to imagine how He feel?

Pray that God "will give us an undivided heart and put a new spirit in us; and that He "will remove from them our heart of stone and give us a heart of flesh". (Ezekiel 11:19).

Lord have mercy on us, heal us from our backsliding ......

So, to you now : Is it true, that one party will love the other party more in a relationship?"

Candle Lite & Chocolates .....

I went for walk with Jeng in the evening yesterday ... we went to the quarry lake ... fellowship all the way and then at the lake ... we spent sometime praying for one another ... so, that's our time every Tue.... we prayed with our eyes open since Jeng say that the nature is toooooooooo beautiful ...

We dropped by Cold Storage on the way back ... i bought myself 2 bars of chocolate and 1 bag of chocolate cookie .... told Jeng ... m into choc now .. dono y.

Actually do not know why ... but I was real tired yday , like not enough zzz .. dono y ... woke up ... tired ... go class blur2 .... came back to room zzz for 45min ... then only feel better ... but slept early last nite ....

Then .... Jeng msn me ... told me that warm water is good .... anti depressant .... as well as potpuri ... but I told her m not depressed ... she said ... candle light and chocolates are great anti-depressant ....... Waiting to go to Daiso to buy aromatherapy candles and oil .... want to light them in my room ...

Eeeemmmm .... now that get me wondering .... m back in school physically ... wonder if I am ready to study and piang my final lap .... Mom keep helping me to count my day which is of no help cos I know stress is building up ... when I look at my deadlines ....aaaarrrrhhh ... so much of things to do ... sian leh ...and not all subjects fun .... ai .....

Guess I need to gear myself up into the routine of papers, readings, projects .. reflection paper etc ..

Lord have mercy and help me complete my final lap well .... strengthen me ....

Thank God for These .....

Last Wed, I was the Liturgist for the 1st Wed chapel for this term ..... Li said that thank God Eng Ing lead Chapel only once ... if more ... pengsan ... cos just 1 service the "whole" TTC was involve ... :0 ....

I am humbled by this experience because I realize that in ministry, there is no such thing as one man show .... there is always different people with different talents but coming together to serve to glorify His name. I am humbled because I am very aware that I cannot do this alone by myself ....

I had Ajeng to design a Batak dance to the song of We Three Kings. Danny to rearrange the chords of the hymn. Pris and Shirley to dance together with Jeng .... then Lily handle the singing part .. she gathered the people and run through the song with them -- Danny (re-arrange the song) ... then I had a team to pray in different languages (Hakka, Javanese [wow ... Rudy really know a lot of language], Nepali, Vietnamese...)

So, after the Chapel ... what did I do .. hahhaha .. I can laugh .. and then I ask the key people, my beloved friends to go for tea in NYC in Holland V .. the expensive place ... hehehhe ... Jeng missed it cos she had class in the afternoon ..