Who Love Who More ......

This is a strange thought that I have ... and a strange feeling that I had ....

Last Nov when I was back home I had an experience (not a very pleasant one) with one of the 3 angels in my life. You see, these 3 angels came into my life when they were tiny cute babies and later I associated myself very close with them (too close sometimes perhaps) as almost a mother's role .... and many times, I forgot that these little angels are no longer little. They are adults with their own journey in life and walk with the Lord. I have done my part ... and perhaps tried my best ....

Because of this self elected position ... I guess I also become a little over protective and over powering sometimes .. asserting my thoughts and stand on certain things in their life ... and the overly concern may no longer be welcome any more .... cos times have change .... people change ..... things have change ....

Now .. the little encounter I had blow me out my mind ... and reminded me of a question a friend post to me "isn't it so that in a relationship, normally there is always one party who will love more" ...I did not have an answer for her that time.

But through this little encounter .... I sort of like formed the answer -- YES.... I feel I love my angels more than they love me and cos of that I sometimes feel victimized by my own love for them ..... if I dont love them ... I dont have to feel the hurt ... when I feel that I no longer play an important part of their life ... or my opinion matters anymore .... off course .... this is the sensitive human part of me at work ... pms maybe ... wat to do .... char boh ma ....

Human beings are complicated creatures... most of us always feel better and good when we feel needed, appreciated and important by others .... no matter how hard we can deny it sometimes... The need of feeling needed varies according to different stages of life, our age, our background ... our personalities ..... our entire being and life experiences .....

This brings to mind another saying. Mom always always say this in Kutien..... "mother love her children, don't know if her children love their mother or not ..."Come to think of it ... this sound sooooo familiar now ... hehehhe .... off course whenever she says that ... i always protest and say "your daughter love you, dono if you know out not" .... hehhehe

Guess I have to agree that Mom's saying has a bearing .... I have to say that sometimes I feel that Mom loves me more than I love her. Example, she will phone me all the way from Msia cos she misses me and wants to catch up what's happening in my life. She just called me and is counting the days to CNY and my days to graduation because she will get to see me during CNY and after grad, she will live with me.....but on the other hand, I feel the pressure from statement - because here I am trying very hard to settle down, stress is mounting up with tons of things to do etc .... and she is reminding me how little days I have left ..... aarrrhhh .... m dead meat if clock ticks too fast cos this final lap is a fast tough one ..... my list of things to do and deadlines is getting longer .... I need to settle down to kick my butt to out-put ... not being reminded how close is CNY .. and I get too hol mood ... dont 1 to settle down to study ... adui ...ai .....

My conclusion : different stages of life effect the need of feeling needed. Mom is into her sunset days .... she is struggling to adjust to her sunset years ... such a drastic adjustment ..she is a power lady in the prime of her life, she commands the attention of people that people will listen to her proposal of selling or buying properties, she is known as Broker Queen of Sitiawan ... her description of her suggestions now .... her words fall like a torn old hand held fan .... it no longer cools and gives wind as one fans it ...

Indeed people in their sunset years are not only slowing fading away but they also tremendously feel that they are no longer needed and important ... they are not valued ... I must remind myself to help Mom feel loved, needed and appreciated, valued ..... I do ... but sometimes ... I don't express them too well or too caught up with my own things to be sensitive to her needs.

This brings me to my final point ... reflect now our relationship with God, our Maker and Abba Father .... do you have to agree that He indeed love us much more than we love Him? We love Him because He loved us (1 John 4:19). He loved us so much that He had to send us His only Son who is sinless to be the sacrificial lamb, to suffer and die on the Cross for us so that our sins can be forgiven and washed clean, and be saved from eternal condemnation and death (John 3:16).He has given us the Life of His only Son so that we can have eternal Life too.

Yet, time and again we fall way, walk away from Him, disobey Him ... fail to love Him ..... push Him out of our lives, until our next problem arises ..... or love Him half heartedly ... we choose to compartmentalize our lives and place God in one compartment of our heart ... we still go round and round .... running and managing our lives ... enjoying what we see as harmless pleasures of life .... until our next problem or tragedy strikes .. then we turn to God and ask Him ... why God ... didn't I love you, didn't I do this ... do that for You .. and yet how can You allow this thing to happen to me ... we forget ... God do not owe us anything ..... He has given us His all ... it is us who owe Him lots .... and our lives .... our heart .... our worship..... our devotion .....

And when we have problem ... what do we do? We will try all our strength, our power ... and every channel and avenue to solve the by ourselves ... and only when we can't solve the problem ... we will turn to Him ... how sad .... now put ourselves in God's shoes and try to imagine how He feel?

Pray that God "will give us an undivided heart and put a new spirit in us; and that He "will remove from them our heart of stone and give us a heart of flesh". (Ezekiel 11:19).

Lord have mercy on us, heal us from our backsliding ......

So, to you now : Is it true, that one party will love the other party more in a relationship?"