Pearly .. Susu ... Si Putih..

1 Jul 2010 was the registration date of my new MyVi .... 15years and this is my 5th car, my second MyVi. I got a MyVi 4years ago just before I went to full time study. At that time, I was in a silent retreat and the Lord asked me : "What are you still doing with your Civic? Did I not ask you to sell it?" I was a little stunned .... yes, the Lord did ask me to sell my Civic but after driving a Honda, you will not really want to drive another brand but a Honda (this is just my personal opinion) ... the Civic was the last piece of "Egypt" that I had with me after I resigned from my secular job.

So, I bargained with the Lord saying that I do not have money to buy a car but the Lord's reply was : "I will give you a new car but soon you need to give it away". Well, after journeying with the Lord for so long, one has learn not to argue with Him - you will lose ... so, in my heart, I knew that the season that I was in has ended and I thought that its time for me to go into mission field .... doesn't all missionaries sell or give away everything and leave .... never it crossed my mind that the Lord has plans for me to study again .. :0 ... so, our thoughts are indeed not His ... His ways are higher than His ....

So, checked around .... found that I could trade in my Civic and get a brand new MyVi .... with no additional cost .... ngam2 ... the Lord said to me again :"I will give you a gold car -- because you have come out as pure as gold" - another sign that my season has ended -- I really went thru the refining process of fire in my previous season till I almost wanted to throw in the towel. So, after the wait, my previous MyVi was bronze or I call it gold - my plat number : 8155 (8=new beginning, 1 = focus on Him, the One True God and He will give me double portion of grace (5) for my new season). 6 months driving it, the Lord asked me to go to full time studies and a year later indeed I "gave" (ie sold) my car away because with a student pass, I cannot drive a Malaysian car in Singapore and I was not too sure of God's direction after TTC (ie to come back Malaysia or go to other countries).

1.5months after my graduation from TTC, Pearly came to me. I initially booked a pearl white but canceled the booking because everyone says that it is hard to maintain ... I changed to the ugly looking blue .... but when the car came ... it was pearl white ... I had a choice to wait for blue or take it ... I decided to take it ... the Lord has His ways.

I asked the Lord the meaning of the color of the car (since its another new season that I am entering) and this is what I got :

a) Matt 13:45-46 "Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it."
... hahhaha ... yes, indeed I sold off everything and now I only have this car as my earthly possession. I sold off everything .. to follow my Master and My Boss.

b) This is my 2st step into ministry - a new season in ministry - as a ministerial staff. The Lord impressed in my heart that as hard as it is to keep my pearl white car clean and spotless, that is how difficult it is to keep my life spotless. In this season, personal holiness is critical, and as I pursue personal holiness, I also a involve in helping the Body of Christ to prepare themselves for the coming of the BrideGroom ... white and spotless ..

c) My registration number ends with 87 - (8: a new season & 7 : perfect). I am perfectly fitted into where the Lord wants me to be and doing what the Lord wants me to do ... now ....

Itu la my panjang lebar cerita on susu and si putih .... The end.

"Cell Group" ala Kampung Style

Hearing hymns sung in Mandarin at SM's neighborhood for wake service somehow reminds me of how I grew up having Mom's church members coming over to our house to have "cell group". In Foo Chow, we term those meetings "prayer meeting".

Fond memories of having people crowd into the living area and porch of our semi wooden old house in Sitiawan Estate. Our old house used to be a 5 room bungalow seated on a fruit plantation and coconut/cocoa plantation. As early as my primary school days I could remember Mom inviting her pastor to arrange for such a meting. Our duty was clean the house, arrange the chairs and then ... prepare refreshment ... drinks and maybe simple things like sandwiches, coconut candy, jelly (agar2), we will buy keropok from our neighbor who runs a small home industry of frying keropok .... I don't know ... what can a 9 or 10 and a 12 or 13 year old girl prepare? ... ;0 ...

People will start to come in their church van and maybe 2 other cars and motorbikes. They armed with the church's plastic stools, song books and even bibles. By 830pm, the session will start by a time of worship - all the songs are in Mandarin or Foo Chow, and then prayer .... free style .. ie, anyone can pray for any items (usually for the family, neighborhood etc) then the Word will be shared by the Pastor. The Pastor will share in Foo Chow and he can share for 1 whole hour!!! By the time the meeting ended .... it will be about 10pm and .. makan time!!!

When we moved to Tmn Berpadu and Tmn Muhibbah, Mom still continue this tradition but not as regular but I remember that when I come back from outstation, Mom will organized one ... even on a Sat night ... guess she believe that it is good for the family to come together to be prayed for.

Guess in small villages, in small communities, this is the way of community support from the church and when the pastor calls for such a meeting ... the attendance is about 30people.

So, what is your fond memory from your childhood that has impacted you? I thank God for Mom's consistent arrangement for such meetings as the prayers had indeed kept our family string through the storms that we faced and gave us also an opportunity to give thanks to God for what He has done for us. Our family does not have a family altar and in a way ... this served as family altar to us.

Can You Hear What Your Sheperd is Saying?

The conversation over breakfast today was on seeking the will of God to make the trip to Korea prayer mountains in Sept and praying for confirmation but what seem to be the outcome of the conversation is that the person said that she had prayed and God seems to be silent, does not answer her. An answer from the Lord seem to become even more critical now that the price of the air ticket had gone up and if the Lord says yes, go .. then it is God’s responsibility to provide financially.

The question is : how do we know God’s voice and discern His voice speaking to us? This challenge becomes greater for those of us who have been called to shepherd God’s sheep. We need to discern the voice of the Good Shepherd and His leading in order for us to lead His sheep.

It is a fact that sometimes God seem to be silent and sometimes what we hear seem to be conflicting and confusing because there are just too many voice within and around us.

As I reflect on this issue, what Dr Maggie Low wrote to our class in our magazine came to mind and I quote :

"When two different flocks of sheep gather at a watering hole, the sheep gets all mixed up. But when it is time to leave, the shepherds call to their flocks and the sheep are able to separate themselves and follow the right shepherd. How do they know who to follow? They know because they recognize the voice of their own shepherd: The voice that chats with them day and night, that soothes them in trouble, and that calls them when lost … "

To me, the key to listening and discerning His voice is constant contact with our Shepherd and fellowship with fellow believers with a good and clear conscious. Only then we will be familiar to His voice and our ears are attuned to Him, even if He whispers into our ears, we are able to hear Him. Remember, Jesus promise us that we will know His voice (My sheep listen to My voice, I know them, and they follow Me – John 10:27)

This means, we need to continually have an intimate communication and relationship with Him. Besides reading His Word, worshiping and praying, we need to come to God and ask Him to continually search our hearts, and know our hearts; test us and know our anxious thoughts (Ps 139 : 23). Many a times, our anxious thoughts are driven by our own selfish desires and will of wanting to be in control of our lives instead of letting go and allowing God to be in charge. When we allow God to search our inner man and test our thoughts, our conscious then is clear before God and man, hence, we are able to hear His more clearly and discern His will –no matter what His will is, His ways are, we are more open to hear Him rather than complaining we can’t hear Him because He is not answering or speaking to us they way we want Him to speak or as we willed or desired/hope the answer to be. How many times we have armed twisted God answer us and confirm what we have already decided in our hearts? What is your reaction when God’s answer is “no” or “not yet, not now”? Imagine a child’s reaction when you tell the child to stop watching TV or enough of computer or no, he cannot eat the sweet … now, honestly review your own reaction when God’s answer is “no” or “it’s enough, you don’t need anymore” or “after you have learn the lesson of humility or patience” or “it’s better if it is given to Sally or Jane who needs it even more”… Have you heard the voice of your Shepherd speaking to you?

The next thing that we need to have in order to recognize the voice of our Shepherd is to be in constant fellowship with other believers, especially the community of faith that He has placed us in. I think that we need to humble hearts, humble to acknowledge that we are sinners, we are definitely not perfect, humble to be open to others (and even to someone who is younger or “lower” than us spiritually) to speak to us, highlighting certain things in our lives and I think that the greatest challenge sometimes is to allow our closest or supposedly loved one (our spouse) to speak into our lives. Humble to be open to the correction of others because God does speak through others and many times He speaks through those who are closest to us.

It is very sad to see how a marriage break because the spiritually and officially trained husband refuse to take heed of the voice of the wife and others that God had send and the totally godly wife do not see anything wrong with her but everything else is wrong with the husband. Thus, both supposedly god fearing and god loving husband and wife find themselves trapped in the meaningless and hateful relationship which is not heading anything but waiting for the children to grow up and be independent so they can officially fall apart.

John Bevere said that pride keeps us from receiving God’s chastening, thus, we forfeit the benefit the work of His holiness. But if we humble ourselves and accept His chastening, we are enable to hear His voice with greater accuracy and see with greater clarity, positioning ourselves to mature in our relationship with Him.

Pride causes our hearts to harden to voices that are not in line with the way we think, the way we want things to be done, according to the timing that is best or most convenient for us. And sometimes, we miss the voice of God because God will choose to speak in the way that is most unthinkable for us or through the smallest insignificant person or through the person we hate the most.

So, the fundamental key to listening our Shepherd’s voice is to humble ourselves, pray and seek His face and turn from our wicked ways, then God will hear us from heaven and will forgive our sins and heal our land (our hearts). God’s eyes will be open and ears be attentive to the prayers offered (2 Chor 7 : 14,15). Let our conscious be right before God and man.

Dr Maggie Low encourages those of us who have are called to serve Him to “always be listening to our Shepherd-King - that is the most important thing you can do for yourself and for your congregation. Then, can you lead as He leads, calling each sheep personally by name, knowing when to prod and when to carry, by His love and strength that will be sufficient for you”.

As leaders of His sheep, if we cannot hear Him, how then do we know how to lead His sheep? So, make sure that we take time to be still before Him … be humble before Him and man so that our hearts are open and teachable to receive from Him what He willed for our lives and lives of the sheep that He has entrusted to us to care.

Your Grace Shines on Me (Michael W Smith)

Today, we left JB at 5am to drive up to Malacca to join the charity walk for the special people (OKU = orang kurang upaya) organized Beautiful Gate, a social arm by CAc Methodist.

As I drive through Malacca, the thoughts of how I used to travel so much in my work last time. Every month I would go out station and pick up a minimun of 2 speeding ticket. Just before I left my job, the area I cover is South - Malacca and Johor.

Malacca has become too commercialized and too much of efford been put in the make the place looks good and attracts tourist - I no longer like it!

As I reflect from the time I was transferred to Jb to work, asked by God to resigned, walked by faith (and not by sight because I cannot see anything in front of me) served in the church, went to TTC and now coming back to JB church to serve again - it is only by His grace ... and His grace indeed shines on me ... for me to be where I am today ...


This song was discovered when I bought a couple of CDs as birthday gift and among the CD is Michael W Smith's cd : A New Hallelujah. I already found some very good songs like Help is On the Way and now this is another song : Grace - which seem to best express my journey so far :

I was lost when ya found me here
You pulled me close and held me near
And I'm a fool but still you love
I'll be your fool for the king of love
He gave me wings so I could fly
And gave me a song to color the sky
And all I have is all from you
And all I want is all of you
It's grace, grace
I'm nothing without you Grace,
your grace Shines on me
And there've been days
when I've walked away
Too much to carry
Nothing left to say
Forgive me Lord
when I'm weak and lost
You traded heaven for a wooden cross
And all these years you've carried me
You've been my eyes when I could not see
And beauty grows in the driving rain
Your oil of gladness in the times of pain
It's grace, your grace
I was lost when ya found me here
You pulled me close and held me near
And I'm a fool but still you love
I'll be your fool for the king of love
He gave me wings so I could fly
And gave me a song to color the sky
And all I have is all from you
And all I want is all of you
It's grace, grace
I'm nothing without you Grace,
your grace
Shines on me
And there've been days
when I've walked away
Too much to carry
Nothing left to say
Forgive me Lord
when I'm weak and lost
You traded heaven for a wooden cross
And all these years you've carried me
You've been my eyes when I could not see
And beauty grows in the driving rain
Your oil of gladness in the times of pain
It's grace, your grace
I'm nothing without you Grace,
your grace Shines on me Your grace,
your grace I'm nothing without you Grace,
your grace Shines on me oh yeah
Shines on me Shines on me
I'm everything with you
Shines on me Shines on me
It's your grace Shines on me Your grace
Oh Your grace it shines on me
Your grace Your grace Shines on me
Shines on me Your grace it shines on me
Your grace Shines on me Your grace,
your grace I'm nothing without you Grace,
your grace Shines on me oh yeah
Shines on me Shines on me
I'm everything with you Shines on me
Shines on me
It's your grace Shines on me Your grace
Oh Your grace it shines on me Your grace
Your grace Shines on me Shines on me
Your grace it shines on me Your grace

Help is Coming ....

Yesterday in City Square, saw an old man ..... 60s buying a cheap silver chain .... I cannot help think who will he get it for ... m sure its not his wife. Such irony of life ... young and old are always in desperate need for romance and love ... and which seems fade through time and toil of life, difficult children, growing children ... many children .. when the waves of change and winds of temptation blows, when new "love" comes knocking at your door ... its hard to hold on to the vow that was made .... its easier to walk away .... if you have not got your foundation rooted in Him and if you have not made God the glue of your relationship ...

Heard a very disturbing news yesterday morning .... my JB Indian sister got divorced .... I have seen this couple go through tough times but I never could imagine that they will end up divorced .... after all, I was away for 3 years and before this, we used to hang out quite often and in less than 2years away from JB, they are divorced.

Over the weekend, met another friend, at 40, is picking up the pieces of life and starting to live all over again .... after a painful and difficult divorce ...

Weddings are always a happy occasion and fun ... but when it comes to living the marriage ... it needs lots of hard work, perseverance, lots of giving ..... dying to self ... and most importantly, God!

So, for those who are facing the challenge of life ... especially in relationship .... .... hang in there ..... God will come thru for u .... help is on the way .... He is there ... waiting for you .... to ask for help .... He will show up when you ask Him ... He will not fail you...


Help is On the WAy (Michael W Smith)

VERSE 1
People say that time will heal
But you know, they just don't feel what you feel
Times are hard but God is so good
He's never failed you, and
He said He never would He see's your tears
He fights your fears

CHORUS
Hold on, help is on the way
He said he'd never leave you or forsake you
Stay strong
Help is on the way
He'd said he'd help you
Just reach out and take his hand

VERSE 2
He knows your heart,
He lifts your head
He's always close enough
to hear every word you said
When you're weak,
He said He's so much more
His arm is long enough to reach you where you are
He see's your tears
He fights your fears

Counting My Blessings .. Naming Them One by One

Yes, I really want to thank God for His provision thus far in the new stage of my life. He really looked after my needs --- off course the first is the desire of giving myself a break after slogging for 3 years ….draining every ounce of brain cell I have … -- yes, I need a holiday! God gave me the most wonderful and great time in Hanoi with great crazy friends …. 5 solid days of just relaxing … Pei Yi keep saying its soooooo good to go back to the room to do nothing, and not going back to finish a paper … she also keep saying ..she has all the time in the world …. Willing to wait for anything … do not have any paper to rush out …. J imagine what studies have turned us to … paper churning machines!

Vietnam is a very beautiful country – still unspoilt by development and massive globalization but it is creeping in. The first impression of the country on the way from the airport to city is – its like China, from the uniform guards almost all over to the red flags to even the buildings and landscape. The buildings are generally narrow, longish and tall. The people – hahhaha … small size. Ah Yi keep saying that she feels like a giant in this land.

Hanoi is a beautiful city – old buildings. There is still a lot of the blend of the new and old. One can see big cars pass by and at the same time, a trishaw or someone on feet selling goods in two big baskets carried on their shoulders. This is a land of motorbikes as well. It looks like the ladies worked very hard. Seem to notice more women around and women doing all the hard work.

The streets are narrow and the road system – hahaha … I cannot make out yet cos a cross junction is not really a cross – the traffic seem to be coming from all angles. The trick to cross the street is to keep walking. The vehicles will know how to avoid you – if you try to avoid the vehicles, you’ll get knock down.

Highly recommend that one must visit Sa Pa if one visits Hanoi. Sa Pa is 9hrs from Hanoi city, 8hrs by train, 1hr by bus from the train station. It’s like going to Cameron Highlands, cold, small town – slightly bigger than Brinchan. The attraction is the tribal native village, the mountains, waterfall, jungle tracks etc. There are quite a lot of tribal village around – and they are HUGE villages, not like Malaysian orang asli villages. Their livelihood – farming – the conventional way …. with their bare hands and help of buffalo. Children as young as 4 years old are already being trained in the farm or at least to carry water or the crops from the stream in the villages. Or when they see tourist in their villages, the children runs to you to push their handmade items, smiling sweetly to you saying, “Buy from me, buy from me”. They know how to speak English to sell and bargain. The people are very kind and simple. When they saw Ah Yi’s knee, many offered help (ice bags, chair to sit on etc) or just rush out to see what’s happening. Challenge : who and how to bring the Gospel to them? There are soooo many of them ….

We also visited Ha Long Bay. It is World Eight Natural Wonder Heritage or something like that – you get to see caves and lime stone mountains / islands. But I still think that southern Thailand’s lime stone mountains/ islands and beaches are still much nicer, especially off Krabi. The caves – I think that the 5 Mulu caves is a match or better than the 2 caves I visited in Ha Long Bay. But the cave that made a very lasting impression on me was the glow worm cave I visited in Rotorua, New Zealand.

I have also got to count the blessing of family and friends. Thank God for keeping my parents strong physically. Mom had 2 falls in one month (one was 3 days just before my convocation and another just couple of days back) and I thank God for His protection and hands on Mom. Thank God for siblings and even nieces and nephews and for all their support …

Coming down to JB to start the new season of my journey, God provided an angel who offered me to share her house with me. It’s a medium cost single storey house – so, something like Tmn Berpadu housing estate. The house has 3 rooms. One room is occupied by all my things I brought back from Singapore and the other my bedroom. I was touched because the angel actually went out to buy a new bed and mattress for me. She refuses to take a single from me for rental! I offer pay the utility bill but it seems its very little. For now, my housing is settled temporarily until the Lord provides my own home where I can house Mom too and any family who wants to bunk in. I believe that He will provide the right one for me, at the right pricing, semi furnished at the right location … . He has never fail me so far.

My car should be coming next week – the sales lady say end of the month. I pray it will be out by then. For the time being, my housemate also offers to drive me around or lends me her car or sometimes I get cars from other friends. Cars are not a problem – I am provided for in this area. I am getting a new car with very minimal “Sdn Bhd” loan --- no, its not from the loan sharks but my own family. But really, it’s a very small sum compared to the price of the car. Isn’t our God great?

Looking back, one month and one week from the date I graduated from TTC, the Lord had been with me … He had been providing and looking into my needs. Yes, I thank Him for all the little little blessings He brings to my life and angels that He sends along my life! And I give thanks to Him, my source of my every need in every situation. Yes, as the Palmist declares, He knows the number of hair that I have because He loves me and I am precious to Him.

Indeed He has not forsaken me in my season of transition and adjustment. My Father always gives the best to me. He provides exactly what my heart desires for …. to the very detail.

So, in the mist of changes, adjustment to new environment, new community of faith, new role and responsibilities that I will be asked to do, my Father is holding me with His righteous hand, He have not forgotten me nor has He forsaken me. He will surely lead me to His path and show me His way, to His everlasting way.

May I yield myself forever to Him so that through me, His name will be known through all nations and His glory to be shines through me!

Lead Us, Lord to Dream Again

Here we stand

At the crossroads again
Like you said
In time the seasons change

Looking back
We recall the blessing and the pain
But now we turn our hearts toward
What is still to come
We want to dream again

Lead us Lord
Into a life of fruitfulness
Prepare our hearts to risk again
As we trust
Taking simple steps of obedience we know
That you will lead us Lord

By : Lead Us, Lord (Dream Again) by Brian Doerksen

Found the lyric of this song expresses the cry of my heart (the hearts of our classmates)as we step out of TTC. Guess, as we come to the junction of crossroads of life again and not certain of the future that lies ahead, we cry to God to remind us of His vision that He had given to us when He first called us and led us to TTC.

It not that we have forgotten but sometimes it just that the vision seem so far away … dim ... I guess this is also a prayer asking God to set our hearts on fire again for Him … to once again carry His vision in our hearts with passion. What is a heart without passion and what is a life without a vision? We will stand and stare at the crossroad of life that we have come by, not knowing which turning to take. In order to that the right turning at the crossroad, and the right turning is only God's path for us, I realize that we also need to walk away from the road that we have been traveling on and step into the new road …. we need to be willing to walk away from familiar grounds ...

Many times the road ahead of us at the crossroad that we come by is full of mystery and unfamiliar grounds for us. It's quite scary to travel on a path that is unknown .... imagine to travel on it alone .... But what will carry us through the journey is the passion that God place in our hearts and the vision that He has given us will be lamppost and directional signs that we are on the right track till we reach the destination – the vision is fulfilled. Off course, we must never ever forget the Giver of the vision, He will walk with us ... sometimes He will carry us when we are weak and weary from the challenges of the trip and sometimes, He will walk ahead of us ..... leading us ...

Hab 2 : 3 says the vision though it tarries, wait for it .... it will surely come to pass at the appointed time. We need to wait for our vision to come to pass ... for God to fulfill the visions that He had placed in our hearts.

Oswald Chambers writes that we must live in the inspiration of the vision until it is accomplished. I would like to add that we need to add fire and passion to the inspiration. He warns that when we get too practical we will forget the vision because we will always be rushing to practically accomplishing the vision. Chambers adds that waiting for the vision that tarries is the test of our loyalty to God.

Indeed we need to continually keep the vision that God has first given us burning in our hearts for when the vision is ignited with passion and fire, it will be the light that guide our little steps of faith venturing into the unknown. Our job is to take little steps of faith and it is God’s job then to bring the vision to pass.

Do you have a vision in your heart that God had given you? If you do not have, why don’t you start asking God to give place His vision in your heart? This vision will not only guide you but also give you reason to live, bringing fulfillment in life.

Or you seem to have forgotten the vision that God had given you? Chambers say that if we lose the vision, we alone are responsible and the way we lose it is by spiritual leak. If you are in the category, we need to take stock of our lives again to see where the leak is. The vision that had gone dim will be bright once again when God and His Kingdom is once again the first in our hearts and life.

Renew your passion and vision as you step out and live by FAITH!