Emptiness

As I was preparing Emptiness as a sermon, I was surprise to the words and phases used to describe it - a person that is facing emptiness situation when the person feels a lack of meaning or purpose in life, lack of sense of self, emotional numbness or despair, bored with life, lazy, lonely and depressed. Think that many of us can identify with these feelings. I for one, can .. and I thought it was just sian mood ... or just being lazy ... and then it hit me ... why sian and lazy .... cos I feel a sense of emptiness and void inside.. And this begun my search for answers -- why is emptiness there and how then we deal with it?

How do people normally deal with this sense of emptiness? Common ways is just to start filling it with all sorts of activities and things --- from physical chase (money, properties, possessions, shopping, pleasures of life - sex ... wine, various addictions etc) , emotional chase (love, relationships) mental chase (knowledge, power of the mind). King Solomon summarizes the way men fulfilll and deal their emptiness in Ecclesiastes 1 & 2 .... concluding that all activities under the sun is like chasing after the wind, meaningless, meaningless, ie, its empty.


There are three reasons why we feel empty :
a) God created emptiness when He created heavens and earth ... Gen 1 : 1 - 2. Though He created emptiness, He begun to fill it with the splendor of the universe, land, water, plants, animals and men. Everything that He created had a purpose and function, ie, He did not create something to leave it void but to ensure that everything that He created has a purpose .... meaning. Hence, we all need to find out the reason and purpose God created each and everyone of us. Until we find this out, we will be drifting from one end to another, one thing to another and therefore, feels empty.

b) Ecclesiastes 3:11b says that God has placed eternity in us. Meaning, we are created for eternity. Hence, nothing in time and space can fulfill the void in us until Jesus fills us with His eternal life. In a way, I find that this is a build in mechanism to search and thirst after our Eternal God.

c) It is S.A.Tan's method to makes us empty so that he can fill our mind, hearts, life with his desires, thoughts etc .... so that he can control us. His ultimate plan to control us so that he can kill, steal and finally destroy us. However John 10:10 says Jesus came to not only give us life but life more abundantly --- which means Jesus came to fill up our lives ... till it overflows ... and it is never His intention to empty us.

So, how then do we deal with emptiness? King Solomon besides giving a list of empty activities, he also gave us the key to solve emptiness in Ecc 2 : 24 - 26 :

"So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God. For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him?  God gives wisdom, knowledge, and joy to those who please Him. But if a sinner becomes wealthy, God takes the wealth away and gives it to those who please him. This, too, is meaningless—like chasing the wind." = the key is God ..... apart from God, one cannot find fulfillment or be full.

Now, the challenging question we need answer is : Can we, who have Jesus eternal life in us and filled by the Holy Spirit feel empty? .... my answer : OFF COURSE!!! and these are my reasons why we still feel empty inside of us sometimes.

1) Looking at the life of King Solomon again, we can find the 1st reason why men feel empty inside though one may have the entire world at the tip of his fingers. Ecc 2:10 gives us the key reason why : Anything I wanted, I would take. I denied myself no pleasure. I even found great pleasure in hard work, a reward for all my labors. Here, we can see King Solomon succumb to 3 deadly sins that caused him to turn his heart away from God - the lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life. Once our heart and focus is turn away from God, we will step into emptiness. But we will not know it until we are far far away from God ... cos we will for a moment be very busy with lots of other things .... but at the end, we will realize that the things leave us empty and dry ... like the song goes : Jesus I am weary, won't You come and fill me .. earthy things have left me dry ... only You can satisfy ....

2) Unanswered Prayers according to our ways and our timing
Like a child who does not get what he wants, we can also go on a sulking mode when our prayers and requests are not given, especially when we have been praying over a period of time. When we sulk .... we feel angry with God, reject His presence and feel disappointed or even hurt by God. Emotional weariness and tiredness sets in and draw us away from God, leaving us with the feeling of empty.

3) Physically tired and drained. One cannot deny that when we are too stressed out and drained from the demands of life, work etc, we feel empty inside.

4) Sin, disobedience and pride/arrogance. We know that sin separates us from God and when we do not want to deal with a prolonged sin, and think that it is OK or we are right, this will harden our heart and blots out the presence of God in our lives. Knowing this, David cry out to God to blot out his sin and not to take away His Spirit and presence away from him (Ps 51 : 9 - 12)

5) Finally, emptiness is in us - why? Because we are born in void, in sin we are created, born into emptiness, into hell until Jesus snatched us away from sin and hell and fill us with His LIFE. This means that it is our nature, our flesh man to feel empty. As much as we struggle with our old man, our sinful nature daily, we will also struggle with emptiness constantly because it is part of us.

So, what's the solution to emptiness? Allow me to suggest 3 familiar steps :
1) To come to God again and re-focus our lives once again on God. There is no other way, only God and God alone can fill us and not leave us dry.

2) Mend the leak in our spirit -- now that we know we have emptiness within us, try to identify the reasons of this feeling .... if it is sin that we need to confess and humbly ask Holy Spirit to change us, do so. We need to spent time to connect with ourselves and connect with God once again

3) Eternal life is lived by FAITH and not by sight or emotions. Thus, do not allow emotions control and determine our steps -- after all, emotions come and go .. and hearts can be deceiving. We need to trust His Word and not our emotions. Eph 5:18 ask us to be filled with the Holy Spirit .... go be be filled!

Finally, the good news is .... emptiness, though it is real, it is not to stay, it is not a permanent thing in our lives. It is not eternal when we have the ETERNAL LIFE of Jesus in us!   Halleluyah!

Strongholds of Self Defense

In order for us to defend ourselves physically, we learn karate, tae-kwan-do .. silat .... but when we want to defend ourselves emotionally, what do we do?

In order to shield ourselves from emotional pain, hurt, disappointments ... the psychologists list common self defense mechanism as follows :

a) Denial (conscious or subconscious refusal to face the truth)

b) Fantasy (escaping the real world)

c) Emotional insulation (withdrawing to avoid rejection)

d) Displacement (taking out frustrations on others)

e) Projection (blaming others)

f) Rationalization (making excuses for the poor behavior)

Lets not look at others ( we can always always see the weaknesses of others loud and clear but blind to our own). Let's pause to honestly look deep within ourselves .... and reflect ... think - at some points I am sure that all of us at one time or another erect this self defense or crawl into this self defense to protect ourselves from what we deem danger zone ... many times in order to defend ourselves we learn to lie in order to keep our selves "safe". Many times we close ourselves so tight in fear of getting hurt again that we become fake to others ... and ourselves .... when we like as imposters or fakes, we then cannot relate and cant go deep to face our own inner self ... and some times .... our brains will be blank ... blank ... nothing inside (I have just heard one youth saying this last Sun .. my aches when I see how people numb emotionally and mentally to the reality of life)...

Is this the only mode we can go on in order to "protect" and "shield" ourselves from hurt and pain?

Neil T Anderson suggest that these methods of self defense are strongholds that we need to tear down. Strongholds as fleshly patterns of thinking programmed into our minds when we learned to live our lives independently of God. These thinking were programmed in us from our worldview that was shaped by our environment that we live.

So, how then to refresh the program that was already installed in us? I guess we cannot entirely press the "delete" button to erase what is already programmed in us but .. the thing that we can do is to "refresh" it by new things ... --- in Paul's terminology - renewing our minds .... and we can only do it with the help from the Holy Spirit through His Word.

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against
the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
(2 Cor 10:3-5)

I would like to offer another method - the challenge of taking God's Word as it is ... so .. if God is the sun and shield (Psalms 84:11) and if God is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold (Psalms 18:2), can I trust Him to shield me while I hide under the shadows of His wings till the danger moment is over?

I think that many times, we are actually not that afraid of the pain or hurt that we may get from a situation, I think that the greatest challenge for our is to to accept our ourselves especially when our weaknesses is revealed in these times .... so, in actual fact, we are shielding ourselves from ourselves ... Lord have mercy on us .. Yes .. we need You to set us free from this stronghold and renew us as the new creation that You have created us to be when we accept You into our lives. Amen!

The Left Behinds

It has been four years since I last met up with her. We had lunch to catch up ..... from a grieving, bitter and struggling widow, from a moody widow to one that is bubbly with the joy of the Lord as her strength ... from one possessive mother for fear of loosing another, clinging to the son as replacement of what the husband used to be to her ... to one who depends on Jesus instead of men ...

Gone were the days of a sensitive widow of tears, gone were the traces of loneliness, sleepless nights, staring at the ceiling and asking "why" "why do you have to leave me .. why do you have to go ... why can't you fight and pull through for us ... angry cos you are selfish to leave me alone to continue this journey and to raise up our teenage rebellious son alone ... why God has to take you home, why does this have to happen to our family" ...

Meeting up with her reminds me that the pain and sorrow of losing someone we love dearly is real .... How do we, the left behinds continue our journey without the loved one along side us ... this journey will be made easier when we turn to God for comfort, help and our source of strength to go on comes from Him ... just like my friend ...

Having said this ... its OK to grief .. its OK to cry .. think all of us need time out to grief and cry ... all of us need space to say our goodbyes ...

But how we, the left behinds move on ... will all depend on who's hands do we cling on to as we continue our journey here ... till we meet again face to face ...

The song ....I will Rise comes to mind as I reflect on this issue ... let the left behinds rise when He calls our name ....

And I Will Rise when he calls my name
No more sorrow, No more pain
I Will Rise, on Eagle's wings
Before my God fall on my knees,and rise
I Will Rise

One Interesting Truth on Prayer : Matt 6:8

Prayer is something that still puzzle me till today. Though I will say that part of my calling to be a prayer warrior for the Lord, though I've got so many testimonies on how God answered my prayers, I am where I am today because of the prayers, cries and tears of many people .. and even ones that have gone ahead of me (Grand ma ... maternal) ....

I still recognize that prayer is something puzzling to me and I enjoy the fact that it is puzzling .. Like ... how come God takes soooooooo long to answer my prayer or how come God did not answer my prayer the way I prayed .... Why is it so? .... because God is God and His ways are higher than ours, His thoughts are just not our thoughts (Is 55:9). If I can completely know how God works .. then I must be the same as God or part of the Trinity ....

I am glad that my Father keep it that way -- to remind me that I am mere human, He is God, He is in charge / Sovereign ... and He is able to do / work the impossible ... so that His will will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

... and this is how my Father keeps my life exciting ... and heart beat skips ... or races ... :-) or else I will surely complain life is too boring ... too predictable ... what else is there in life ...

Just over CNY, God interestingly showed to me (again) how true is His promise in Matt 6:8b {... for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him." (Matt : 6:7-8) } ... and this is how the story goes ....

About 1-1.5yrs ago .. Mom once again tried to close a land deal .. though we have told her many times to "retire" ... but she loves her job just too much to stop doing. So, in the attempt to close the deal, the buyer suddenly pulled out of the deal after Mom introduced the seller to him. The buyer is a well known professional in Sitiawan and a Christian as well. This buyer is someone Mom had many many deals with in the past and can be considered Mom's friend ...

But not long after that Mom discovered that the buyer went direct to the seller and bought the land .. Mom called the buyer for "introductory fee" which he denied Mom .. but eventually gave Mom 2k .. the thing is .. the deal's "introductory fee" was rmXXk!!

Mom was very frustrated and disappointed .. through this deal, Mom really gave up her beloved job .... that was like at least 1.5years ago ...

Then suddenly 2 weeks just before CNY, Mom suddenly got a call from this buyer ... who asked Mom to initially guess who he was ... he said ... ooo ... m so and so (just the surname) and I will come to your house this CNY to give you an ang-pow ... Mom immediately replied that she does not want an ang-pow (after all, rm100 or rm200 is also an ang pow right ... that's what Mom said) .. Mom immediately asked for half of RMXXk ...

Hoho ... low and behold .. this buyer came to the house just before CNY to deliver in cash the amount!!

Now ... why the $$ suddenly "dropped" from heaven? ... This is how our Father knows our needs even before we ask .. and this is how our Father takes care of us ... and provides for us .. His children ....

With Mom's condition ... Mom surely needs the cash to pay medical bills as well as to hire a maid .... so, indeed our Father knows best and will surely look into the needs of His children even before His children know we have that need!

Thank You .... for taking care of me ... for looking into the details of my need ... and for providing all that I need .. though I may not even know that I need them ....
Glory to God be the glory!!!

... Life and Death is Just A breath Away..

After Mom's frightening drama on Mon where she "could not wake up" from her nap ... I faced the reality that many of us choose to ignore or take it for granted ... choose to ignore the issue of death and take our life and the lives of others around us for granted.

The raw truth just hit me that life and death is just a breath away when I had the fake alarm that Mom may have stop breathing .... when a child is born, he is snack on the buttocks to ensure that there life breath in him and he can breath normally and this breath is the physical life that the baby is going to start to live where he is born in ...

We have to recognise that it is God who given man breath .... we cannot decide when we are to be born or when we will die, but it is God who determines all this ..

"This is what God the LORD says— the Creator of the heavens, who stretches them out, who spreads out the earth with all that springs from it, who gives breath to its people, and life to those who walk on it" (Is 42:5)

Death on the other hand is when the breath that we breath in and out ... ceased .... this marks the end of the physical life on earth .... So, the password for physical life is "breath".

When then is the beginning and end of the spiritual life for us. We know that our spirit does not die ... its just transported to another place to live .... question : what is the password for spiritual life?

My thoughts go to the verse in John 4:16 " I am the way the truth ad the life. No one comes to the Father except thru Me". I think that the password to our spiritual life which is eternal life .. that we can start living here on earth and continue eternally in heaven is "JESUS". If we do not accept Jesus or come to Jesus .. then we are spiritually dead ....

It is God who will place His breath in us through His Holy Spirit in order to give make us alive spiritually .... spiritual life.

"This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath^a]">[a] enter you, and you will come to life." (Eze 37:5)

Without Jesus we cannot come to God and without God we cannot have spiritual life which is eternal... where then will our spirit go to and where will our spirit live if we do not go to God, our Maker and live with Him?

Life does not end here on earth ... this is just one section of our life .... so, remember : there is life beyond our last physical breath ... do you know for sure where will you be going to continue to live?

... when I walk thru the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid ...

CC went for her op this evening .. the procedure was suppose to take 3hrs but it took her 4.5hrs ... reflecting how George and Walter may felt brings to mind how God was faithful to us .. and to Mom .. when we went through a similar experience.

I remembered ... about 7yrs ago .. Mom went for her major op .. it was suppose to be 4-5hrs of procedure but at the end ... it took her 12hrs! I remember that morning when we wheeled Mom into the operating theater .. it was not a pleasant experience which am sure all of us would not like to go thru .... we prayed for Mom and told her that we cannot be in with her but God can, Jesus is holding her hands and she is surrounded by His angels. Thank God that the surgeon is a Christian and she was much comforted when he actually prayed for her before they started the procedure for her.

Then, SM, KC, Ong and I waited outside the operating theater for Mom to be wheeled out. There were a few other families in the waiting area as well ... we waited and waited ... non of us had any appetite to eat .... we just waited ... and prayed in our hearts ... non of us had any mood for anything else cos it was a very tensed situation cos we knew that Mom was on the operating table .... we were not in control .... anything can happen ... even if the op is successful.

We waited from morning till evening ... and Mom is till not out ... all other families already had their member out of the operating theater .. its really very tensed when you see another family leaving that area knowing that the member who went in came out well ...

We started to panic as dusk sets in .. as clock kept ticking and no sign of Mom .... and there was no other people in the waiting area except SM, KC,Ong and I .... the silence is deafening .. non of us spoke any word but panic, fear and anxiety was written all over our face ... in fact, we dare not speak, least speak our fear and set us all of a panic mode ... in our hearts, we were praying very hard ... crying out to God for His mercy ... in our hearts, we could hear the sound of the clock ticking ... Ong commented that the situation was so tensed that it was almost like what we watch in the movies ... we had life experience of it ....

Then, suddenly .... we saw the doctor coming out! He gave us news .... and we waited for while.... we saw Mom wheeled out .. SM and I was so relieved and SM just ran to Mom .... initially the Dr did not want us to see Mom yet and asked us to wait cos Mom was weak due to the lost of blood .... but eventually we saw Mom ....

The burden of fear and anxiety was lifted .... God was faithful to us ... God answered our cries and saw us thru a situation of battling with life ... indeed He was faithful and true to His promise (Psalms 23 : 4) : to God be the glory!

.... Pre-CNY Mood ...

Suddenly early this week, I was attacked by emo-mode ... I suddenly missed my friends that I deliberately created memories with last CNY .... Pris, Li and I suddenly decided to go down Chinatown to have a break from our stressful schedule (think we were jammed pack with magazine stuff at that time) ... then, suddenly Tu wanted to follow us ... but he could not make it the last minute ... but he was so sweet to walk (rather, he jumped, hopped, skipped and screamed all the way down) us down TTC slope to and made sure that we safely got into a cab. It must have been a Wed, after community lunch cos we managed to take photos with Sam and Susanto in dining hall .. all of us, especially Tu and Sam had panda eyes ...


When we reached Chinatown, the 3 of us had great time just walking around, taking photos ... Pris bought bak-wa and egg tarts for her parents and family .... Li had a bird pooed on her hair while we were busy posing for a shot .. I went all crazy clicking my camera away and when I wanted to take a nice shot ... Li .... kept asking me to stretch my neck to make sure I am "in" the pix ... ?? I ended up having "camel necked" photos ... those were the days ...


So, yesterday I went into Spore to re-live the sweet memory ... Pris was sweet .. she took the afternoon off for me. Picked her up from Yishun and we parked at Zion St as I was still not too sure of the road ... and was trying to avoid ERP ... anyway ... I clicked my camera this time .. Li asked ... why all food pix ... no people ...

Just felt that yesterday's experience was entirely different from last year. Even the mood, feeling and decos were different. Chinatown was not as packed as last year, there were less decos and flowers this year ...


The precious reminder is .... sweet memories are to be created ... we have to be deliberate in creating special moments so that went the season or time is over, there will be sweet memories and photos to keep us company and treasure. Next, what is gone is gone ... time and season will pass .. its very difficult to re-live the past ... so, let's forget what's behind, and press forward towards the heavenward call the Christ has given us! (Phil 3: 13b - 14.) " ..... But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."


Finally, I thank God for every person that He had made my path-cross ... though we may be apart, I know in my heart that there were moments that was ceated that will bring a smile on our faces as we recall God given moments we had in our lives .. the fun, the fellowship ... the laughter .. the times we prayed and supported one another ... the tears and struggles but through it all ... He had blessed us .. with one another somewhere along our journey here ...

To all the friends that God brought into my life : Blessed Lunar New Year!
Thank you for your fellowship & partnership ....

.... Stuck ..... Still water is Stale water

I met them 7-8yrs ago .... they we brought to my house by a friend .... at that time her daughter was just 3-4yrs old .. very cute and quiet girl. I remember she was very hungry ... I packed food for them .. the daughter finished all the food including fried chicken .... at that time she was living in the single mom's house provided by the government because she had problems with her husband .. or her husband never came back .... she claimed she believed in God and wanted to follow Him .. she claimed she wanted to give her life to Him ... and to serve Him ...

Today ... after 7-8yrs .... she maybe have gone back to her husband and living with him right now ... at least her daughter has a father .... the man still does not come back every night because she is the 3rd or 4th wife ... she is still in the same shoes ... claiming the same proclamations she declared years ago.... one can see that she is still in the same situation ... physically ... she claims that she still does not have money .. can't support herself ... looking for someone to support (perhaps this is why she went back to her husband -- an old man, completely different race, religion) ... she is debt deep ... her house was auctioned by the bank ... and she is looking for another house .... spiritually ... she's still as stuck as how she was 7-8yrs ago ...

We are used to the saying still waters run deep ... true .... but there is another phase that impacted me shared by Paul David : "Still water is stale water". In still water .... mosquitoes breed .... still water may turn to stale water ....

Like wise in our lives .... are we allowing rivers of living waters to flow in us and through us to others or the waters in our lives have been so still that there is a thick layer of particles that we allow it to come into our lives over time to sick deep at the bottom? If these particles are not stirred to surface so that we know what it is in order for us to remove it one by one .. then the water that is in us will be stale water pretty soon ....

If you feel that there you are stuck in a situation or stuck in your life --- come to God and ask Him to stir the waters in you so that you know what are the things that is causing the blockage .... and then .... deal with it .... work at it to get it removed .... removing it = letting it go or be how it was intended to be in the first place ... once the blockage is removed ... you are able to move on ... rivers of living waters will flow out from you again .... the fountain of live will be found in you.

Jesus said,

"He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water." John 7:38

How do we play Church?

"Eng Ing, m disappointed with your church" This was the words of a friend when I showed her where my church is .... my church is located in the back lane shop lot, a corner lot but its right in front of a garbage area. The sight of a simple church located at the back streets of Taman Universiti was not something she expected from a church which she has heard so much of ... lead by a pastor whom she has heard so much of too .... There was no proper signage for the church .... no nice sigh board or attractive colors slapped on the walls of the building ... the sight and smell from the two huge garbage bins was the last straw I guess ....

"How old is your church? How many people in your church? If church so many years and no growth, it is not healthy ..... something is not right somewhere ..... Normally churches will do rallies, crusades ....evangelistic meetings etc ...." The comments continued to pour in like a heavy downpour of rain ...non stop...

"You guys cannot just pray and except God to do things and not do anything ...."

I have told her before and was telling her again that my church is not an activity orientated church .... we do not have activities except for church prayer meetings, every Mon, Wed and Fri nights. We have 2 services .... the first service is more for the youth ... and during the second service, the youth goes up to CG meeting style. Then there is Sunday school ... NOT some gala huge children's church. We still use the normal plastic chairs with a maroon hood that can be stacked up after use.

My poor friend was so shocked I guess at the sight of the church building .... I have told her time and again .... she will be the most outstanding dressed lady if she comes to my church ... my pastor will normally just wear her favorite polo tshirt on normal days and a blouse or the Rev. collar blouse ..... no make up ....

When I first stepped into our church -- it really reminds me of the type of church that Paul Ling's old church (before his current building) or a church that we can find in our mission trips --(remembering those in my mission trip in Ipoh during varsity days or Chamek ... after STPM). The thing that struck me was the "river of life" that was flowing in this church .. I recall telling myself that this is the place where I can find the rivers of living water flowing and I can come and drink from it ... that was like ..... 3.5years ago? They worshiped God with their Mandarin songs .... at that point ... I hardly know any song .... but I know my tears was running down my cheeks as I stood in the service -- how do you explain this .... I don't even know the meaning of the words of the song ... This my friends .... was the Holy Spirit touching me ....ministering to me. What is worship? Our hearts towards God or .....

Do they have back up singers? Do they have a band? No ... it was just the worship leader .... and someone standing beside her as back up ... though there was guitar .... drum set .... but no one was playing .... the only music was coming from a piano .... God was there .... He still came and met us in worship!

We visited a new believer last Tuesday and this is an incident he shared with us .... His friend, ex Buddhist was a new believer and was asked to share the Gospel and ask people to come to church --- those around him ... this was the friend's reaction --- "huh? Why should we ask (pull ... translate that to Mandarin -- that was the word used) people come church .... the Buddhist or Muslims never ask people go to their temples or mosque .... people just go. Is church doing this because they do not have business or scared that they do not have business?" ... we laughed ... yes ... its a joke ... but think about it -- evenpre-believers and new believers have expectations on the church ...

Expectations .... expectations ... expectations of how a church should be (the physical) how the program should be ... how the pastor and staff should dress ... how we should talk ... behave .... how we should play church ... it is interesting to note that my friend who has been a Christian past 20years, attended a few churches and now looking for church to change ... seems to know better how we should run the church (like an organization) than my pastor ... Lord have mercy .... think that we should cease to play god or help God to be god ... but to repent ... and truly seek God what and how He wants us to do .... His way .... let His kingdom come on earth ... His way ... His Kingdom .... not man's kingdom .... He is God .. we are only mere man .... give back to God His rightful seat in our lives and heart ... and He will show us how to run our lives and His church ...

We need to be mindful of expectations .... it is expectations in our relationship that normally rock the relationship .... it is expectations of ourselves ... how our life should be ... our lifestyle .. what type of job we should have ... how our children should be .... ect ... that not only wrack but steal the very love, peace and joy out of our lives .... expectations ... is another blog by itself ... perhaps some day will blog on it ....

Lord have mercy ... and help us ... to live simply but fully for Him!

I am proud that I belong to this Body of Christ .... where the River of Living waters flow ... where fresh Manna is being served ..... where my shepherd's concern is the soul of her sheep ... the growth in depth & vertical of her sheep and not just the horizontal growth .... she would rather have small number but transformed souls .... hungry for more of God rather than numbers ... her focus is the internal ....not the external.... and I echo her vision ... because I am tired of playing church with God .. and tired of living out the expectations of people .... I want to live out the expectations of my Father and my Boss .... :0 ... Amen!

... the agony of wAiTiNg ...

Think that one of the most challenging thing in life is to wait .... the Bible says that those who wait upon the Lord will gain new strength .... why do we need strength when we wait ... wait on the Lord? .... waiting is the worst thing that one can be asked to do ... it is tiring ... hence, the Lord knows that those who are waiting on Him for answer .... breakthru .....needs strength ... and strength renewed all the time ... else our spirit will be weary ... and we will loose hope ...

There are many waiting people around me ... including myself ... some are waiting for a job, ministry doors to be open ... baby .... husband/wife .... breakthrough .... new job .... new husband .... new wife .... kids to grow up ...spouse to change .... some ... sadly ... is just waiting for life to pass by ...

I have been waiting for a house of my own ...past 3 months .. and m still awaiting .... m saying that my house is stuck some where ... that is why have not reach me yet .... but I will continue to wait on my Father who is my Provider ... a suitable house for mom and I ... with furniture -- and a new bed with good mattress :)

In the mist of waiting ... it is very easy for our steps to slip ... slip off God's path for us ... then example of how Saul was instructed to wait for seven days for Samuel to come and offer sacrifice to God (1 Sam 13). Saul did waited for seven days .... but on the 7th day ... mid day ... he sacrificed to God instead of waiting through .....and just after he offered the sacrifice .... Samuel came .... Saul eventually lost the throne .... not because he did not waited for Samuel but because he had a unrepented heart ... he basically did not come out clean when confronted by Samuel.

We also see others who was asked to wait by God -- Noah ... in the boat ... he was asked to wait until the land is dry after the non stop rain of 40 days and 40nights .... Joshua was asked to wait as he led the Israelites to march round the walls of Jericho for 7 days ..... imagine what will happen if Noah or Joshua did not wait ....

Was it easy for Noah or Joshua to wait? Off course not.Waiting not only involves patience but also the testing of our faith --- our faith can be tested and shaken during waiting period .... do we really believe that God will come through for us at the end of our waiting season?

I think that waiting season is important and good season for our soul .... it is a time to stop, pause and take stack of our life and relationship with God ... it is a time for us to see God's hands at work ... (remember the song God will make a way by Don Moen --- God works in ways that we cannot see) It is in the waiting period that God's hands is at work in our lives and that situation. Waiting season can be a season of purification --- a season to remove that is not from God in our lives --- like our power to make things happen our way .... waiting season is a season of character moulding and building -- David had to wait 20years .... before he was officially installed as king.

All the examples of waiting in the Bible shows us that God did come through at the end ....

Waiting season will either draw us closer to God or further away from Him ... which will you choose my friend -- closer or further away from you Father who loves you ... and will definitely give you good things in life ... God may be give you this waiting season because He misses having you sitting in His presence ..... your Father is calling you to sit with Him ...

Waiting is also a very humbling process - a humbling process because you know that you are no longer in control / in charge of the situation or your life anymore .... you cannot do anything anything else except to wait on God ... you have no choice but to surrender and submit yourself to His sovereign will and trust that He will sort things out for you in His time. It's humbling not to play god over our lives or the lives of people around us anymore ... and allow God to be God in our lives and the lives of those around us ...

So to all those waiting ..... including myself ....

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

(Ps 27:14)

Your God will come through for you ..... just watch and see ... the miracle will be delivered to your door steps when you wait patiently for Him .....

... New Skin ...

I have been bugging Win to change my layout for quite sometime ... and last nite at 1230am she started doing it!!! Seems she was very stress with her studies / assignments .. and re-doing the layout of my blog was a stress relief! Hahhaa ... thank God for that ... now I get new skin!!!

Wonder how many of us are just tired with our own looks that we need a beauty make over --- for ladies .... its either u "iorn" your hair straight or "rolled" it up ... after keeping my hair permed for 1.5years, I rebonded my hair 2.3mths ago ... Win has been wanting to perm hair from kingdom come's day and 1 ago ... she made a trip to JB to purposely perm her hair!! I introduced Wen the hairdresser ... Wen introduced him to Win ... now like satu kampung goes to him -- I have been going to him off on for the past 8 years!

Likewise, in our spiritual lives ... those of us who believes in Jesus and asked Him to come live in us, we now have a new life! We do not need to feel sian or bored with our life because ..... "We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life." (Romans 6:4)

The new life we live now is a life of power through the Resurrection of Jesus ... the power that resurrected Jesus from death 2000years ago is with us now ... so, let's move and live in our new life .... through the power that has been given to us!

Our lives will be different ... will look different from the inside out because of the life of Jesus and power of resurrection that lives in and through us!

Do you have the "new skin" in your life through Jesus? I do .... la la la la .....

Reminder : Isaiah 46 : 3-13

<sup>As I struggled pen down my 1st sermon on SFM since I come back the Lord encouraged and strengthen me through the following passage.... amazing ... wonderful is my Creator .. my Father .... my Savior, my Redemeer ... my Source ... my ALL ... yes... to whom we can compare our God to ... how can we doubt His perfect will and perfect plan for us, His beloved children whom He love unto death .... I acknowlege that He is God ... I am mere man ....

Let this passage minister to you as well .... in a fresh way :

3</sup> "Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth.

⁴ Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

⁵ "To whom will you compare me or count me equal?
To whom will you liken me that we may be compared?

⁶ Some pour out gold from their bags and weigh out silver on the scales;
they hire a goldsmith to make it into a god, and they bow down and worship it.

⁷ They lift it to their shoulders and carry it; they set it up in its place, and there it stands.
From that spot it cannot move. Though one cries out to it, it does not answer;
it cannot save him from his troubles.

⁸ "Remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels.

⁹ Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me.

¹⁰ I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.

¹¹ From the east I summon a bird of prey;
from a far-off land, a man to fulfill My purpose.
What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do.

¹² Listen to me, you stubborn-hearted, you who are far from righteousness.

¹³ I am bringing my righteousness near, it is not far away;
and My salvation will not be delayed.
I will grant salvation to Zion, My splendor to Israel.

And all God's people say : AMEN!!!!

Faith With Out Deeds Is Dead

.... just as the body without spirit is dead, so is faith without deeds (action) [James 2:26] ....

These words rings strongly in my ears as I struggle to lead my 1st formal prayer meeting in Mandarin yesterday. Looks like the Lord had to "push"me me off the boat again into the waters to test and build my faith.

I was still OK with the idea of leading prayer met when asked by Bro Ding on Thursday morning because Tsuey was around --- so ... my usual contingency was for to be my interpreter ... but God had other plans. Tsuey is on schedule to take care of the kids instead and she asked if we could stick to the original schedule --what can I say but YES .. because deep down in my heart, I know I just got to JUST DO IT!

So, it was time to step out in faith and allow God to work thru me .... and God did .. :0 ... I knew I could not pray in Mandarin yet ... so, by His grace, He gave me the idea that I can pass the mike around for brothers and sisters to pray .. as I share the prayer pointers .... praise God ...it works ... His grace is always sufficient for us ... and He will not test us beyond what we can bear ... so when God ask you to jump off the boat ... JUMP! He will be there to help you walk on the waters .... when u jump off in faith and fix your eyes on Him ...

This is God's way of confirming that I should preach my 1st sermon in church next week in Mandarin ...something which I struggled for almost 1mth .... God indeed works and speaks thru mysterious circumstances eh .... :0 ..

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Heb 11:1) ..

What do I hope for --- to be able to preach, worship, worship lead, prayer and read Mandarin because of His specific call in my life ...

So, from now till then ...... its faith action all the way till I reach my final destination in this area..

Can You Hear What Your Sheperd is Saying?

The conversation over breakfast today was on seeking the will of God to make the trip to Korea prayer mountains in Sept and praying for confirmation but what seem to be the outcome of the conversation is that the person said that she had prayed and God seems to be silent, does not answer her. An answer from the Lord seem to become even more critical now that the price of the air ticket had gone up and if the Lord says yes, go .. then it is God’s responsibility to provide financially.

The question is : how do we know God’s voice and discern His voice speaking to us? This challenge becomes greater for those of us who have been called to shepherd God’s sheep. We need to discern the voice of the Good Shepherd and His leading in order for us to lead His sheep.

It is a fact that sometimes God seem to be silent and sometimes what we hear seem to be conflicting and confusing because there are just too many voice within and around us.

As I reflect on this issue, what Dr Maggie Low wrote to our class in our magazine came to mind and I quote :

"When two different flocks of sheep gather at a watering hole, the sheep gets all mixed up. But when it is time to leave, the shepherds call to their flocks and the sheep are able to separate themselves and follow the right shepherd. How do they know who to follow? They know because they recognize the voice of their own shepherd: The voice that chats with them day and night, that soothes them in trouble, and that calls them when lost … "

To me, the key to listening and discerning His voice is constant contact with our Shepherd and fellowship with fellow believers with a good and clear conscious. Only then we will be familiar to His voice and our ears are attuned to Him, even if He whispers into our ears, we are able to hear Him. Remember, Jesus promise us that we will know His voice (My sheep listen to My voice, I know them, and they follow Me – John 10:27)

This means, we need to continually have an intimate communication and relationship with Him. Besides reading His Word, worshiping and praying, we need to come to God and ask Him to continually search our hearts, and know our hearts; test us and know our anxious thoughts (Ps 139 : 23). Many a times, our anxious thoughts are driven by our own selfish desires and will of wanting to be in control of our lives instead of letting go and allowing God to be in charge. When we allow God to search our inner man and test our thoughts, our conscious then is clear before God and man, hence, we are able to hear His more clearly and discern His will –no matter what His will is, His ways are, we are more open to hear Him rather than complaining we can’t hear Him because He is not answering or speaking to us they way we want Him to speak or as we willed or desired/hope the answer to be. How many times we have armed twisted God answer us and confirm what we have already decided in our hearts? What is your reaction when God’s answer is “no” or “not yet, not now”? Imagine a child’s reaction when you tell the child to stop watching TV or enough of computer or no, he cannot eat the sweet … now, honestly review your own reaction when God’s answer is “no” or “it’s enough, you don’t need anymore” or “after you have learn the lesson of humility or patience” or “it’s better if it is given to Sally or Jane who needs it even more”… Have you heard the voice of your Shepherd speaking to you?

The next thing that we need to have in order to recognize the voice of our Shepherd is to be in constant fellowship with other believers, especially the community of faith that He has placed us in. I think that we need to humble hearts, humble to acknowledge that we are sinners, we are definitely not perfect, humble to be open to others (and even to someone who is younger or “lower” than us spiritually) to speak to us, highlighting certain things in our lives and I think that the greatest challenge sometimes is to allow our closest or supposedly loved one (our spouse) to speak into our lives. Humble to be open to the correction of others because God does speak through others and many times He speaks through those who are closest to us.

It is very sad to see how a marriage break because the spiritually and officially trained husband refuse to take heed of the voice of the wife and others that God had send and the totally godly wife do not see anything wrong with her but everything else is wrong with the husband. Thus, both supposedly god fearing and god loving husband and wife find themselves trapped in the meaningless and hateful relationship which is not heading anything but waiting for the children to grow up and be independent so they can officially fall apart.

John Bevere said that pride keeps us from receiving God’s chastening, thus, we forfeit the benefit the work of His holiness. But if we humble ourselves and accept His chastening, we are enable to hear His voice with greater accuracy and see with greater clarity, positioning ourselves to mature in our relationship with Him.

Pride causes our hearts to harden to voices that are not in line with the way we think, the way we want things to be done, according to the timing that is best or most convenient for us. And sometimes, we miss the voice of God because God will choose to speak in the way that is most unthinkable for us or through the smallest insignificant person or through the person we hate the most.

So, the fundamental key to listening our Shepherd’s voice is to humble ourselves, pray and seek His face and turn from our wicked ways, then God will hear us from heaven and will forgive our sins and heal our land (our hearts). God’s eyes will be open and ears be attentive to the prayers offered (2 Chor 7 : 14,15). Let our conscious be right before God and man.

Dr Maggie Low encourages those of us who have are called to serve Him to “always be listening to our Shepherd-King - that is the most important thing you can do for yourself and for your congregation. Then, can you lead as He leads, calling each sheep personally by name, knowing when to prod and when to carry, by His love and strength that will be sufficient for you”.

As leaders of His sheep, if we cannot hear Him, how then do we know how to lead His sheep? So, make sure that we take time to be still before Him … be humble before Him and man so that our hearts are open and teachable to receive from Him what He willed for our lives and lives of the sheep that He has entrusted to us to care.

Your Grace Shines on Me (Michael W Smith)

Today, we left JB at 5am to drive up to Malacca to join the charity walk for the special people (OKU = orang kurang upaya) organized Beautiful Gate, a social arm by CAc Methodist.

As I drive through Malacca, the thoughts of how I used to travel so much in my work last time. Every month I would go out station and pick up a minimun of 2 speeding ticket. Just before I left my job, the area I cover is South - Malacca and Johor.

Malacca has become too commercialized and too much of efford been put in the make the place looks good and attracts tourist - I no longer like it!

As I reflect from the time I was transferred to Jb to work, asked by God to resigned, walked by faith (and not by sight because I cannot see anything in front of me) served in the church, went to TTC and now coming back to JB church to serve again - it is only by His grace ... and His grace indeed shines on me ... for me to be where I am today ...


This song was discovered when I bought a couple of CDs as birthday gift and among the CD is Michael W Smith's cd : A New Hallelujah. I already found some very good songs like Help is On the Way and now this is another song : Grace - which seem to best express my journey so far :

I was lost when ya found me here
You pulled me close and held me near
And I'm a fool but still you love
I'll be your fool for the king of love
He gave me wings so I could fly
And gave me a song to color the sky
And all I have is all from you
And all I want is all of you
It's grace, grace
I'm nothing without you Grace,
your grace Shines on me
And there've been days
when I've walked away
Too much to carry
Nothing left to say
Forgive me Lord
when I'm weak and lost
You traded heaven for a wooden cross
And all these years you've carried me
You've been my eyes when I could not see
And beauty grows in the driving rain
Your oil of gladness in the times of pain
It's grace, your grace
I was lost when ya found me here
You pulled me close and held me near
And I'm a fool but still you love
I'll be your fool for the king of love
He gave me wings so I could fly
And gave me a song to color the sky
And all I have is all from you
And all I want is all of you
It's grace, grace
I'm nothing without you Grace,
your grace
Shines on me
And there've been days
when I've walked away
Too much to carry
Nothing left to say
Forgive me Lord
when I'm weak and lost
You traded heaven for a wooden cross
And all these years you've carried me
You've been my eyes when I could not see
And beauty grows in the driving rain
Your oil of gladness in the times of pain
It's grace, your grace
I'm nothing without you Grace,
your grace Shines on me Your grace,
your grace I'm nothing without you Grace,
your grace Shines on me oh yeah
Shines on me Shines on me
I'm everything with you
Shines on me Shines on me
It's your grace Shines on me Your grace
Oh Your grace it shines on me
Your grace Your grace Shines on me
Shines on me Your grace it shines on me
Your grace Shines on me Your grace,
your grace I'm nothing without you Grace,
your grace Shines on me oh yeah
Shines on me Shines on me
I'm everything with you Shines on me
Shines on me
It's your grace Shines on me Your grace
Oh Your grace it shines on me Your grace
Your grace Shines on me Shines on me
Your grace it shines on me Your grace