Pearly .. Susu ... Si Putih..

1 Jul 2010 was the registration date of my new MyVi .... 15years and this is my 5th car, my second MyVi. I got a MyVi 4years ago just before I went to full time study. At that time, I was in a silent retreat and the Lord asked me : "What are you still doing with your Civic? Did I not ask you to sell it?" I was a little stunned .... yes, the Lord did ask me to sell my Civic but after driving a Honda, you will not really want to drive another brand but a Honda (this is just my personal opinion) ... the Civic was the last piece of "Egypt" that I had with me after I resigned from my secular job.

So, I bargained with the Lord saying that I do not have money to buy a car but the Lord's reply was : "I will give you a new car but soon you need to give it away". Well, after journeying with the Lord for so long, one has learn not to argue with Him - you will lose ... so, in my heart, I knew that the season that I was in has ended and I thought that its time for me to go into mission field .... doesn't all missionaries sell or give away everything and leave .... never it crossed my mind that the Lord has plans for me to study again .. :0 ... so, our thoughts are indeed not His ... His ways are higher than His ....

So, checked around .... found that I could trade in my Civic and get a brand new MyVi .... with no additional cost .... ngam2 ... the Lord said to me again :"I will give you a gold car -- because you have come out as pure as gold" - another sign that my season has ended -- I really went thru the refining process of fire in my previous season till I almost wanted to throw in the towel. So, after the wait, my previous MyVi was bronze or I call it gold - my plat number : 8155 (8=new beginning, 1 = focus on Him, the One True God and He will give me double portion of grace (5) for my new season). 6 months driving it, the Lord asked me to go to full time studies and a year later indeed I "gave" (ie sold) my car away because with a student pass, I cannot drive a Malaysian car in Singapore and I was not too sure of God's direction after TTC (ie to come back Malaysia or go to other countries).

1.5months after my graduation from TTC, Pearly came to me. I initially booked a pearl white but canceled the booking because everyone says that it is hard to maintain ... I changed to the ugly looking blue .... but when the car came ... it was pearl white ... I had a choice to wait for blue or take it ... I decided to take it ... the Lord has His ways.

I asked the Lord the meaning of the color of the car (since its another new season that I am entering) and this is what I got :

a) Matt 13:45-46 "Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it."
... hahhaha ... yes, indeed I sold off everything and now I only have this car as my earthly possession. I sold off everything .. to follow my Master and My Boss.

b) This is my 2st step into ministry - a new season in ministry - as a ministerial staff. The Lord impressed in my heart that as hard as it is to keep my pearl white car clean and spotless, that is how difficult it is to keep my life spotless. In this season, personal holiness is critical, and as I pursue personal holiness, I also a involve in helping the Body of Christ to prepare themselves for the coming of the BrideGroom ... white and spotless ..

c) My registration number ends with 87 - (8: a new season & 7 : perfect). I am perfectly fitted into where the Lord wants me to be and doing what the Lord wants me to do ... now ....

Itu la my panjang lebar cerita on susu and si putih .... The end.

Counting My Blessings .. Naming Them One by One

Yes, I really want to thank God for His provision thus far in the new stage of my life. He really looked after my needs --- off course the first is the desire of giving myself a break after slogging for 3 years ….draining every ounce of brain cell I have … -- yes, I need a holiday! God gave me the most wonderful and great time in Hanoi with great crazy friends …. 5 solid days of just relaxing … Pei Yi keep saying its soooooo good to go back to the room to do nothing, and not going back to finish a paper … she also keep saying ..she has all the time in the world …. Willing to wait for anything … do not have any paper to rush out …. J imagine what studies have turned us to … paper churning machines!

Vietnam is a very beautiful country – still unspoilt by development and massive globalization but it is creeping in. The first impression of the country on the way from the airport to city is – its like China, from the uniform guards almost all over to the red flags to even the buildings and landscape. The buildings are generally narrow, longish and tall. The people – hahhaha … small size. Ah Yi keep saying that she feels like a giant in this land.

Hanoi is a beautiful city – old buildings. There is still a lot of the blend of the new and old. One can see big cars pass by and at the same time, a trishaw or someone on feet selling goods in two big baskets carried on their shoulders. This is a land of motorbikes as well. It looks like the ladies worked very hard. Seem to notice more women around and women doing all the hard work.

The streets are narrow and the road system – hahaha … I cannot make out yet cos a cross junction is not really a cross – the traffic seem to be coming from all angles. The trick to cross the street is to keep walking. The vehicles will know how to avoid you – if you try to avoid the vehicles, you’ll get knock down.

Highly recommend that one must visit Sa Pa if one visits Hanoi. Sa Pa is 9hrs from Hanoi city, 8hrs by train, 1hr by bus from the train station. It’s like going to Cameron Highlands, cold, small town – slightly bigger than Brinchan. The attraction is the tribal native village, the mountains, waterfall, jungle tracks etc. There are quite a lot of tribal village around – and they are HUGE villages, not like Malaysian orang asli villages. Their livelihood – farming – the conventional way …. with their bare hands and help of buffalo. Children as young as 4 years old are already being trained in the farm or at least to carry water or the crops from the stream in the villages. Or when they see tourist in their villages, the children runs to you to push their handmade items, smiling sweetly to you saying, “Buy from me, buy from me”. They know how to speak English to sell and bargain. The people are very kind and simple. When they saw Ah Yi’s knee, many offered help (ice bags, chair to sit on etc) or just rush out to see what’s happening. Challenge : who and how to bring the Gospel to them? There are soooo many of them ….

We also visited Ha Long Bay. It is World Eight Natural Wonder Heritage or something like that – you get to see caves and lime stone mountains / islands. But I still think that southern Thailand’s lime stone mountains/ islands and beaches are still much nicer, especially off Krabi. The caves – I think that the 5 Mulu caves is a match or better than the 2 caves I visited in Ha Long Bay. But the cave that made a very lasting impression on me was the glow worm cave I visited in Rotorua, New Zealand.

I have also got to count the blessing of family and friends. Thank God for keeping my parents strong physically. Mom had 2 falls in one month (one was 3 days just before my convocation and another just couple of days back) and I thank God for His protection and hands on Mom. Thank God for siblings and even nieces and nephews and for all their support …

Coming down to JB to start the new season of my journey, God provided an angel who offered me to share her house with me. It’s a medium cost single storey house – so, something like Tmn Berpadu housing estate. The house has 3 rooms. One room is occupied by all my things I brought back from Singapore and the other my bedroom. I was touched because the angel actually went out to buy a new bed and mattress for me. She refuses to take a single from me for rental! I offer pay the utility bill but it seems its very little. For now, my housing is settled temporarily until the Lord provides my own home where I can house Mom too and any family who wants to bunk in. I believe that He will provide the right one for me, at the right pricing, semi furnished at the right location … . He has never fail me so far.

My car should be coming next week – the sales lady say end of the month. I pray it will be out by then. For the time being, my housemate also offers to drive me around or lends me her car or sometimes I get cars from other friends. Cars are not a problem – I am provided for in this area. I am getting a new car with very minimal “Sdn Bhd” loan --- no, its not from the loan sharks but my own family. But really, it’s a very small sum compared to the price of the car. Isn’t our God great?

Looking back, one month and one week from the date I graduated from TTC, the Lord had been with me … He had been providing and looking into my needs. Yes, I thank Him for all the little little blessings He brings to my life and angels that He sends along my life! And I give thanks to Him, my source of my every need in every situation. Yes, as the Palmist declares, He knows the number of hair that I have because He loves me and I am precious to Him.

Indeed He has not forsaken me in my season of transition and adjustment. My Father always gives the best to me. He provides exactly what my heart desires for …. to the very detail.

So, in the mist of changes, adjustment to new environment, new community of faith, new role and responsibilities that I will be asked to do, my Father is holding me with His righteous hand, He have not forgotten me nor has He forsaken me. He will surely lead me to His path and show me His way, to His everlasting way.

May I yield myself forever to Him so that through me, His name will be known through all nations and His glory to be shines through me!

Lead Us, Lord to Dream Again

Here we stand

At the crossroads again
Like you said
In time the seasons change

Looking back
We recall the blessing and the pain
But now we turn our hearts toward
What is still to come
We want to dream again

Lead us Lord
Into a life of fruitfulness
Prepare our hearts to risk again
As we trust
Taking simple steps of obedience we know
That you will lead us Lord

By : Lead Us, Lord (Dream Again) by Brian Doerksen

Found the lyric of this song expresses the cry of my heart (the hearts of our classmates)as we step out of TTC. Guess, as we come to the junction of crossroads of life again and not certain of the future that lies ahead, we cry to God to remind us of His vision that He had given to us when He first called us and led us to TTC.

It not that we have forgotten but sometimes it just that the vision seem so far away … dim ... I guess this is also a prayer asking God to set our hearts on fire again for Him … to once again carry His vision in our hearts with passion. What is a heart without passion and what is a life without a vision? We will stand and stare at the crossroad of life that we have come by, not knowing which turning to take. In order to that the right turning at the crossroad, and the right turning is only God's path for us, I realize that we also need to walk away from the road that we have been traveling on and step into the new road …. we need to be willing to walk away from familiar grounds ...

Many times the road ahead of us at the crossroad that we come by is full of mystery and unfamiliar grounds for us. It's quite scary to travel on a path that is unknown .... imagine to travel on it alone .... But what will carry us through the journey is the passion that God place in our hearts and the vision that He has given us will be lamppost and directional signs that we are on the right track till we reach the destination – the vision is fulfilled. Off course, we must never ever forget the Giver of the vision, He will walk with us ... sometimes He will carry us when we are weak and weary from the challenges of the trip and sometimes, He will walk ahead of us ..... leading us ...

Hab 2 : 3 says the vision though it tarries, wait for it .... it will surely come to pass at the appointed time. We need to wait for our vision to come to pass ... for God to fulfill the visions that He had placed in our hearts.

Oswald Chambers writes that we must live in the inspiration of the vision until it is accomplished. I would like to add that we need to add fire and passion to the inspiration. He warns that when we get too practical we will forget the vision because we will always be rushing to practically accomplishing the vision. Chambers adds that waiting for the vision that tarries is the test of our loyalty to God.

Indeed we need to continually keep the vision that God has first given us burning in our hearts for when the vision is ignited with passion and fire, it will be the light that guide our little steps of faith venturing into the unknown. Our job is to take little steps of faith and it is God’s job then to bring the vision to pass.

Do you have a vision in your heart that God had given you? If you do not have, why don’t you start asking God to give place His vision in your heart? This vision will not only guide you but also give you reason to live, bringing fulfillment in life.

Or you seem to have forgotten the vision that God had given you? Chambers say that if we lose the vision, we alone are responsible and the way we lose it is by spiritual leak. If you are in the category, we need to take stock of our lives again to see where the leak is. The vision that had gone dim will be bright once again when God and His Kingdom is once again the first in our hearts and life.

Renew your passion and vision as you step out and live by FAITH!

"Lead Us, Lord!"

“Lead us, Lord!” Was the theme that our class choose as our theme as we leave the comfort zones of TTC and step out into Ministry. This morning, I went through the magazine again .. reading each article again by the Board and lecturers … I was touched, encouraged and strengthened … yes, I must have gone thru the articles tons of time when I was working on the magazine but no matter how many times I read them, the Word of the Lord and the articles always seemed to minister in a special way. This morning, it did again.

Yes, it was the cry of my heart, that God will indeed lead me on His path in my next stage of journey. The intent of my heart and my prayer recorded in the magazine :

“In the cross roads of life again, show me Your way, O Lord, teach me Your path and lead me to Your everlasting truth”.

The cry “Lead me, Lord!” had been even more intense as I come back to JB a week ago. Yes, God affirmed and confirmed many times past 8 months that He wants me to come back to JB. Now that I am back in JB, what is next? Only God knows … and my task and responsibility is to find out what He wants me to do, the blueprint that He has for me back home – for my life and His Kingdom at this stage.

It has not been an easy decision to come back but my principle is to obey when God calls and leads. I am willing to where He calls me to go and to do what He wants me to do. Off course one of the main struggle here was language but what Pei Yi said really gave me the breakthrough – she said, we may speak in the most eloquent language and all but if our hearts and attitudes are not right with God and man what is the use of it. To her, what’s key is our hearts and attitude as we serve before God and man. This truth came hard right on my face that I must not make language barrier as an excuse but must continue to work on my relationship with God and with man, and that my heart and conscious must be right before God and man.

To a certain extend, I thank God for placing me in Skudai Faith Methodist because it is at my weakness and great need of language that will drive me in desperation to God as my source of everything ... in ministry because the ministry is His, I am only His channel .... it is not going to be my talents, gifts ... or strength but it will be thru His that I will step in ... I will serve and thru the cracks of my brokenness and weakness, His glory will shine thru me (words given by Paul when I decided to take the step of faith to TTC).

As I look at my classmates, most of us has a weakness that drive us desperate on our knees ... like Paul ... 3 times he asked God to remove the torn in his flesh but God did not. Why? It is to continue to make us humble before God and man, to keep us constantly at the point of desperately needing Him – hence, brings us to our knees. Then, God's grace will be sufficient for us, His power is made perfect in our weakness ... :0 ... in our weakness, we cease to be God and allow God to be God cos we know we cannot anymore ....

Off course I get the pressure all the time all around me -- yes yes ... I must really learn to speak Mandarin ... pray in Mandarin ... preach in Mandarin ..... lead in Mandarin ... worship in Ma

ndarin … the best ... read Mandarin (off course I will by God's grace .. and if He wills) .... Lord have mercy ... I also need time wat .... how to read Mandarin overnight? I am already struggling picking up spoken. I am not really expecting myself to read but if I can express myself and God's words well in Mandarin, I am already happy and very very grateful. It's already a miracle for me ..... and I am sure that those who know me will agree .... it is only God who will make me learn Mandarin and be in a Chinese environment … only God … to a normal mind – I am crazy! I feel like Jesus is speaking the same words He spoke to Peter to me : you will be lead to go places you do not want to go… given a choice, I don’t think I will choose to be in such environment...crazy ah ....

Lead me on Lord ..... and let Your grace be sufficient for me ... Your power be made perfect in my weakness. Sam asked last week if it is a mismatch that I am going back to a full flash Chinese church or it is truly God's direction for me ... in my heart - I am confident that this is where God wants me to be ... for now .....

So, what does my mentors and teachers has to say about this?

To pray, “Lead me Lord” is literally asking for trouble, for Jesus never promised a path of roses or one filled with applause or accolades. Instead, He said, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take u

p his cross daily and follow me” (Lk. 9:23) and “any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple” (Lk. 14:33). To pray “Lead me, Lord” is not to say “Le

ad me, Lord, on the safe and comfortable path I have chosen” but rather “Lead me, Lord, on your path, and give me grace

to walk on it no matter what.”

When the Lord reinstated Peter into ministry, He told him that others will “lead you where you do not want to go” and then commanded him, “You must follow me” (Jn. 21:18,22). To have to go where you do not want to go is never easy. But to commit yourself to follow Jesus is to be willing to go where He goes, through the cross and the empty tomb. The prayer “Lead me, Lord” can only be prayed effectively if it is accompanied with dying to self. As Origen said, “Those who have not denied themselves cannot follow Jesus.”

Bishop Dr Robert Solomon

Prayer by Lorraine Kimble : “ Lord Jesus, I will go where you want me to go. I will say whatever you want me to say. And I will do whatever you want me to do…. Help me to have the courage to follow you wherever you lead. I want to be obedient”

There will be challenges and there will be difficulties but remember - God will be right there with you. He will not lead you through rough terrains without providing you with a pair of good shoes nor will He forsake you before the journey is complete.

Bishop Terry Kee

“Keep close and be focused on Christ and Him crucified” (1 Cor 2:2) … be of comfort, He not only leads but also He perfects (Heb 12:12). Let Him lead!

Bishop John Chew

"Those who pray this prayer will no doubt encounter difficulties. They will no doubt face many struggles, many of which are the result of the conflict between their prideful ambitions and the will of God. But those who live this prayer will experience the joy of service. As they live surrendered lives they will be constantly surprised by the grace and love of the One who called them."

Dr Roland Chia

To utter authentically ‘Lead us, Lord’ is to be truly humble, for it acknowledges that we cannot proceed on the basis of our own resources, talents or experience. We can never say, ‘Been there, done that, and the decision’s a breeze’. Such complacent words are often the prelude to a mighty failure. God’s ways are always higher than our ways.

Dr Tan Kim Huat

“Lead Us, Lord!” This is essentially a prayer, a supplication to God to guide you to the place he wants you to be. It is also an expression of submission – you consent to forgo your own plans and dreams to

follow God’s.

Dr Leow Theng Huat

Where will you be led, and where will you go?

May the Spirit of God lead you and may you always follow, whether beside refreshing streams of water or through dry barren deserts. And may you always trust that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28).

Dr Gordon Wong

To pray the prayer, "Lead, O Lord", is to relinquish control over where one should go and how one should go about getting there. It is, in short, a decision to desist from our natural impulse to determine direction and destination.

And why not, considering our Lord's proven and impeccable record in leading his people?

Dr Mark Chan

"… as disciples who follow the Lord, a day will not pass without you interceding, ‘Lead us, Lord."

Dr Ngoei Foong Nghian

So, am I on the wrong track in my journey? Is it a mismatch? Off course NOT! I am exactly where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do! There is always a cost in following Jesus, a cross to carry – for my, my cost is dying to self and my cross that I need to carry on my ‘Calvary road’ is language ..... Someday soon will come I will experience resurrection in the area!

Meanwhile, to all those in the same situation as I am ..... be strong in the Lord ... the God who had called you will be faithful till the end and will surely enable you!

Lead Me Lord 3 : All The Way My Saviour Leads Me

While I was preparing the copy for the grad mag, I came across the old, almost forgotten hymn : "All The Way My Savior Leads Me". Yes, Jesus will lead me all the way .... until I see Him face to face, until this body draws its final breath and do the Great Cross Over through the Door to meet Him eternally... even then, He will lead me all the way .. to meet our Father.

This hymn is written by Fanny Crosby in 1875. Fanny was lost her eyesight at six weeks of age had written 8,000 hymns (Blessed Assurance Jesus is Mine etc). This particular hymn came to Fanny as a result of a prayer. Struggling financially, she desperately needed some money. As her usual custom, Fanny began to pray. A few minutes later, a gentleman offered her five dollars, the exact amount she needed. Later recalling the incident, she said, “I have no way of accounting for this except to believe that God put it into the heart of this good man to bring the money.” The poem she wrote afterward became “All The Way My Savior Leads Me.” WOW!! Such was a lady of faith ...

These are the words of this strong lady who cannot see physically but has great spiritual insight...

All the way my Savior leads me;
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.

vs.2
All the way my Savior leads me,
Cheers each winding path I tread;
Gives me grace for every trial,
Feeds me with the living Bread.
Though my weary steps may falter,
And my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see;
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see.

vs.3
All the way my Savior leads me
O the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father’s house above.
When my spirit, clothed immortal,
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages—
Jesus led me all the way;
This my song through endless ages—
Jesus led me all the way.

Yes, all the way my Savior will lead me ... into my next season .... my Savior, my Redeemer, my Lover, my King, my Comfort, my Rock, my Counselor, my Peace, my Provider, my Shepherd, my Friend, my Guide, my Hope, my Light ..

Chris Tomlin together with Matt Redman in 2008 rearranged the lyrics into modern English and cords of this hymn but maintain the same fundamental tone and manner and message of the hymn : - wow .. even more "powderful" ... brings tears to my eyes when I listen to it .... I particularly love the Chorus - an assurance that God will not only lead me, but keep me from falling and carry me close to His heart ... this is the deepest prayer of my soul as I step into my next season ......

All the way my Savior leads me

Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living Bread

[Chorus:]
You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
O, the fullness of His love
O, the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood
And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way

All the way my Savior leads me
All the way my Savior leads me

Will you ask Jesus to lead you all the way too?

Lead Me Lord 2

Besides going through my journals, I also went through my Bible .... and notice a similar prayer and word that I keep praying ... the words that is written all over my journal and all over my Bible from 2004 onwards is simply, "show me Your ways, teach me Your path .."

11 Jun 04 :
Lead me in the right path, O Lord, or my enemies will conquer me. Tell me clearly what to do, and show me which way to turn (Ps 5:8)

16 Jun 04 :
Show me the path where I should walk, OLord,
point to me the right road for me to follow.
Lead me by your truth and teach me, for You are God who saves me
All day long I put my hope in You (Ps 25:4-5)

It was as though God responded to the depths of my cry and gave me Ps 32:8 in 19 Jul 04 & again in 20 Jul 09 as I seek for directions after TTC.
The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway of life.
I will advise you and watch over you. (Ps 32:8)

Again, this was my desperate cry to the Lord in Jan - May 2009 in my challenging moments. My prayer was simply that God will :
Teach me Your ways O Lord,
that I may live according to your truth!
Grant me purity of heart, that i may honor You (Ps 86:11)

So, as winds of change blows strongly now in my life, as I am going to take another step of faith ... into His path ... this desperate cry for God's direction to lead me into His path and set my feet firm in His path is still echoing within me .... and Yes .... I want to honor His name .. I want to glorify His name with my life.

Paul told me back in Mar/Apr 2007, at the time when I am about to enter into TTC :
a) Always seek ways how to bless people and be a blessing to them
b) Pursue and chase after God
c) Have fun

Guess these words are still relevant to me today .... :0 as I pray, Lead me on Lord ... into Your path ... which is the best for me ... lead me to Your Cross .... He have been faithfully leading me step by step .... and I know ... He will continue to lead me on .....

A song lyrics that I found online which expresses the words from my heart :

Here we stand
At a crossroads again
Like you said
In time the seasons change

Looking back
We recall the blessing and the pain
But now we turn our hearts toward
What is still to come
We want to dream again

Lead us Lord
Into a life of fruitfulness
Prepare our hearts to risk again
As we trust
Taking simple steps of obedience we know
That you will lead us Lord

Seven Principles of Crossing-Over

Its so interesting ... m sort of like going thru some of my old journals cos to reflect on my 3years journey in TTC and I came across this in my journal, penned down on 2 March 2006. Think this must have been from some book I read or sermon I heard. It comes as a timely reminder as I am preparing to do the cross-over in the next few months to yet another new season in life.

1) Recognize the season of God in your life
When you recognize the season, it helps you to release the pains of the past cos you will realize that God has something new for you.

Interesting ... was I not given Is43:18-19 in my silent retreat in Dec? ("Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.) M surely moving into a new season in life .....

2) Capture the Vision
Get a vision from God and let the vision capture. When you are able to see it, you are able to cross over ...

3) Be in the state of readiness
Be ready to sow ... be ready to take action on your part according to His will

4) Be strong and courageous
New season comes with new battles, different battles from the past. New season also involves traveling on roads that was never travel on, no road maps, not beaten tracks ....

5) Making the right confession
Well, life and death is in the power of the tongue .... pray God will also help us make the right confession in the new season

6) Internalizing God's word
Jos 1:8 - meditate on it day and night .. it will change our conviction to action

7) Be obedient
Your obedience will determines your cross-roads .... obedience is better than all the sacrifices that you bring to God.

Well, surely winds of change is blowing in my life now ... and I pray that I will step into the new season with God .... :0 ... key : be where He want me to be, do what He want me to do .... and in this .. I will find meaning and contentment in life

My Basics of Ministry

Before we graduate from TTC, it is our FE requirement to write a philosophy for doing ministry. Below is my 3 foundations to the way I do ministry :

a) I am the branch, He is my Vine

The foundation of ministry and calling is my relationship with God, who am I in Him, then my calling, for without Him, there is no calling, there is no ministry. Matthew 7 : 21-23 (“Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!”) serves as a serious reminder for me to work out my salvation with fear and trembling, to jealously guard my relationship with Him and not to lost myself in “serving” Him.

My Boss tells me to "Remain in Me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me." (John 15:4)

During one of my visits to Joan's house, Aunty told and encourage me that if I cannot intentionally connect myself to God, draw from Him daily, the Source of my entire being and ministry, I might as well not go into full time ministry after TTC.

b) I am fearfully and wonderfully made
Rev Foo Chee Meng in his final CPE evaluation encouraged me to continue to uncover my identity and person hood, to seek and know “Who is the self that pastors?” because the quality of my person hood forms or deforms the way I relate with people. At the end of the day ministry is all about people, His sheep and lamb that He brings along in my life. Intentional self awareness and reflection of my action and reaction with my Master will unveil my true self and recognition of my true self will hopefully enable me to minister out of a clean and clear river, hence, be the vessel that God can use to carry His clean waters to quench the thirsty and feed hungry. So, besides connecting with God, I have to connect with myself, my inner man, to do a stock take of my emotions and to know and understand what is going on within me. May God help me to be that clean vessel to carry fresh clean waters to feed His sheep, not murky or polluted water.

So, who am I? My identity as a person must be rooted in Christ and my calling embedded in who I am in Christ. Psalms 139 : 13-16 affirms that it is God who knitted me together in my mother’s womb, I am not an unplanned child. He had carefully made me with the right DNA combination, personality and gifts and specifically placed me in the family at the right moment to be born. I am His special child because He has engraved me on the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16). WOW! May I live, move and have my entire being in Him (Acts 17:28)!

c) What drives me in my ministry?
I know what drives me neither is not money, material gain, power, status nor fame that I have experienced and left behind because it was utterly meaningless. What drives me is something money cannot buy nor exchange for and I know deep down in my heart, it is the attraction and power of the Cross. “But because I am heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, I will share and partake in the suffering of Christ as much as the glory of Christ.” (1 Cor 8:17). I pray that by God’s grace, I can echo Paul’s words : For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain (Phil 1:21) and embrace the sufferings and the glory of the Cross. Indeed its no longer that I live but Christ that lives in me and the live which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me (Gal 2:20)

Hence, my body will continue to carry and bear the marks of the Cross as I step out of the doors of TTC to continue my journey, a step closer to where I am suppose to be, doing what my Maker wants me to do. After all, He always have my best in mind as He leads me on .....