Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Final Term Final Lap Final Month Woes

.... this is how i feel now .....

Wendy asked me -- "hey write something la on your blog" ... guess she is missing my blogs on my thoughts and not just about food and fun and emo-land mode ... hehehhe ... but what to do .. this is the final semester for me... its the final month (actually 3 more weeks left) ... with my thoughts of vomiting the 5,000 words on a theological paper ... I lemas .... tak kuasa want to write .... or use too much of my brains ....

But really, this is not one of the best seasons of my life that I would like to go through ... find it hard to find words to describe how I feel .. the tension and stress of deadlines which must be met because I am graduating (and prayerfully, I pass or do not need to re-write -- very much remind me of how I felt in siting for my STPM. I knew in my heart that I got to do well to enter in to local Uni ... if I dont .. I really do not know what next .. to do with my life .. except to work perhaps) ..... i have 3 more weeks to finish 3 major paper .... but after writing and studying for 3 years, suddenly you just feel you have no more energy and fire .... like what I told Pei Yi ... I dont want to peel onion anymore because it make me cry.... lol ... when I first came to TTC.... I was so exited and on fire and enjoyed the process of "peeling the onion", unpacking and processing the information and knowledge that was taught .... now ... I just want to get over this process ... hehehe

Then, its the uncertainty of future .. yes.Simple... just trust God ma .. yes I do .. but somehow uncertainty of future and the unknown somehow gives the knot in the tummy .. and the thought of starting all over again ... getting a house ... getting a car .... settling into the church etc ... new life routine .... not easy ... let me continue to think about Abraham and Sarah la .....

So, this brings to my mind .. the song "Desert Song" by Hillsong ... cos I really feel that I am in the desert now .... the desert of endless deadlines and papers to do. One classmate say "I keep doing and doing .... but how come cannot finish doing ..." I know at least 2 of my classmates are on "killing mode" --- kill, kill, kill ... papers before you get killed by the deadline .... (Dr Tu & Li ... everyday battling in the Killing Fields..

What is the desert experience of your life? What is your reaction and attitude be? Desert is one of the worst seasons you can be in ... the temperature is high (stress, pressure etc) .... its is hot ... dry, water is rare .... then, it gets super cold at night .. and you are expose to sand storms (challenges, things are not working your way ... ) and in desert .... you cant seem to see where you are going .... no direction in life .... cos everywhere is the same .... everything looks the same ... sianz .....

There is a season for everything .... including desert season .... we can come out from the desert season ... and enter into another season ... where rivers are flowing with cold fresh water .... and green green soft grass to lay on .... :

But our attitude and reaction towards our desert season of our life will determine and effect our next season and the duration of time of our season .... Many times God brings us through desert experiences in our lives to teach us, discipline us or to train and grow our faith ...:0 ...

May my heart be soft and teachable while I hang in there till this season passes by ......

The Desert Song Lyrics

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert

And all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in the hunger in me

My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved Of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise

No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice I will declare God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle

And triumph is still on it's way I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life

In every season You are still God

I have a reason to sing I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow

I look forward to the end of this season

Remember the poem Foot Prints -- if any of you out there is going through some desert season of your life ..... do not loose hope, do not give up ... know that in tough seasons of our life, Jesus is actually carrying us through His arms ..:0

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